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Original poster

Pregnant & empty 😭

21 replies

Mona23230 · 29/12/2021 20:36

I just need advice, I don’t know what to think or do.. I’m 23 and I just found out I was 4 weeks pregnant.

I know I’m very early along but the father and I are together and we both work full time jobs but live in different cities, i just began my driving lessons and I only see my bf once a week. I wanted a career before all of this to provide my child good life.

Abortion is on my mind but at the same time looking into the future I see me and my baby struggling because of my actions..

OP posts:
Original poster
Mona23230 · 29/12/2021 20:37

The father also says he supports me with whatever option I make but hates the idea that I’m pregnant

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2021 20:42

Ah love, that's a kick in the crotch and no mistake. Honestly, I would see it as just a tiny cluster of cell right now and have no problem aborting. Especially considering dad is clearly not on board. Because what he said about hating it clearly contradicts wanting it.

Go speak to your gp and then see how you feel.
But it doesn't seem like the right time or father tbh.

ExpectingLady93 · 29/12/2021 20:44

4 weeks is just a missed period isn't it really?

You need to decide what you want- it's your body. If you REALLY want the baby I know how difficult it is if partner is not interested. He may come around. You are still quite young.

Have the conversation with him. If you're not financially secure that's something you need to decide. There is benefits that can help you x

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 29/12/2021 20:54

I think if you do decide to keep the baby you need to be fully prepared to do it as a single parent. Don’t hope he’ll come around or stick with you, you can’t assume anything. Equally you’ll be linked to him forever if it doesn’t work out between you and that can be difficult.

It’s ok to terminate, you’re young, you want to establish your career. It’s fine not to go ahead with the pregnancy if that’s what you want. Ultimately it’s your decision either way. You could speak to BPAS for advice.

Christmasqueenx · 29/12/2021 21:13

At this stage your ‘baby’ is a mutated bundle of cells and actually isn’t a baby at all. There is nothing wrong with aborting, especially at such an early stage. You need to think practically - could you be a single mother, could you put your career on hold, what will your living arrangements be if you keep it, are you willing to put huge strain on your relationship, etc.

EarthSight · 29/12/2021 21:26

@ExpectingLady93

4 weeks is just a missed period isn't it really?

You need to decide what you want- it's your body. If you REALLY want the baby I know how difficult it is if partner is not interested. He may come around. You are still quite young.

Have the conversation with him. If you're not financially secure that's something you need to decide. There is benefits that can help you x

4 weeks is just a missed period isn't it really?

No it's not.

The embryonic heartbeat can be detected at about 4-5 weeks. If more time goes by, I don't think it will be quite the same as a missed period. I would recommend she has someone with her if she chooses to abort as I think women's experiences vary quite a bit when it comes to this.

Jk24 · 29/12/2021 21:32

Please be 100 percent sure before aborting. I've read many threads on here of women regretting their decision Flowers good luck op

EarthSight · 29/12/2021 21:35

Also - do the NHS offer any counselling to help women come to a decision that is right for them?

ExpectingLady93 · 29/12/2021 21:57

@EarthSight it sort of is though.

It's literally just a bundle of cells and a lot of others would agree. I'm not against abortion at all especially at such an early stage, I've had 1 and don't look back.

todaysdilemma · 29/12/2021 22:34

Any decision you make, you'll have to assume your bf won't necessarily be around as a full time dad. Especially since he lives in another city. Would you be able to financially support yourself and baby as a single mum, would you be able to cope with the loss of your 20s to being a full time mother, do you have family on hand to help you with child care?

A difficult decision but don't let emotion get in the way of practicalities - whatever decision you make should be dictated by how good a life you can give your baby, not just your own emotional needs/wants. Good luck whatever you decide! x

Original poster
Mona23230 · 30/12/2021 13:29

Thankyou guys, I spoke to him and it became aware that he cannot provide a single thing for this child as he wants to become a model in the future 🙄 and is currently broke. The only thing is I’ve spoken to the abortion clinic and it’s quite a wait till I can get a consultation which will be when I’m about 7-8 weeks.. I don’t know if that’s early or late

OP posts:
DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 30/12/2021 14:08

At 7-8 weeks you can still have a medical management. What a twat he is.

catandbabymama · 30/12/2021 14:10

I wish you luck with whatever you decide but I really hope you end your relationship with this man and never look back. He's not someone you want to be trying to build a future with, he sounds fucking awful.

SummerHouse · 30/12/2021 14:16

That guy is showing his true colours and they are not pretty.

He can't provide because he wants to be a model. Jesus wept.

Take him out the equation and do what's right for you. Either way you are a strong and good person. Much too good for the wannabe model man child.

Suzanne999 · 30/12/2021 14:21

Chose what is right for you. Once you are a parent you are a parent for 18 years minimum, providing what your child needs physically and emotionally , day after day. Be realistic and talk over your choices with the clinic.

( waiting another 3 weeks seems a long time now but it isn’t really) Good luck with whatever you choose.

Original poster
Mona23230 · 30/12/2021 14:38

I’ve spoken to him and given him the harsh reality of what our actions have caused and what awaits in the future if I kept the baby and he started crying asking if I was going to break up with him. Nevertheless I know what needs to be done I hope emotionally I’m ok after it all happens

OP posts:
Amijustagrump · 30/12/2021 14:51

Speak to Marie stopes conselling, and 7-8 isn't late as you can't have an abortion (even medical) until 6 weeks at the earliest. Make the right decision for you, i had an abortion at 21 and I dont think I made the decision for the right reasons, I'm now 24
married and 35 weeks pregnant- the abortion wasn't a mistake but I didn't take enough time to think about what I wanted. All the best Flowers

catandbabymama · 30/12/2021 16:05

I hope you are going to break up with him. Run and never look back.

Jk24 · 30/12/2021 22:52

I personally would keep the baby ( if thats what you want) and dump the man childs are. Firstly for making you feel this way and putting you in this position. Secondly for failing to provide for his baby because he wants to be a fecking model.... is he for real??? Dump and go through cms for childcare support if you keep the baby but either way defo dump

Jk24 · 30/12/2021 22:52

Man child's arse that should say

FitnessKeepItGoing · 30/12/2021 23:26

You are only 23, so young. I mean that in a good way! You have your whole life ahead of you. I was much older than you when I had my abortion when I was 5 weeks. As someone said, it's just a bundle of cells at this stage - not a baby, not even a fetus. I had a surgical abortion, it was pain free and didn't take long. Medical abortion with pills hurts more and takes longer. I can't tell you what to do, but my opinion would be to have an abortion, enjoy your life, and take your time to find a suitable partner to start a family with one day. Is there anyone you can speak to in real life, friends or family? Take care my dear and put yourself first always Flowers

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