How do you ask for help?

[Dancingqueen90]

My marriage is in real trouble. Has been for a while but some recent events have caused it to rise up. I can't really ignore it anymore....
I don't speak to anyone about it. No one knows...
I have wanted some support for awhile but something holds me back saying anything.
I have a couple of friends I could confide in. Friend A has quite alot of problems so don't want to add to it. Friend B is also pally with my husband. They both don't know

But if I be honest I am struggling just saying it . I find it quite overwhelming.

I tried the Samaritans yesterday but hung up. Another charity had a text service where I chicken it and stopped before I could get a advisor...I spoke to relate about a month ago and their fees are outside of what I can afford.

I don't know whether to go to a doctor and get some help (tablets to help my anxiety)..

I am not in any danger. There is no issue like that. Just our home life is pretty sad. And no one wants to live like this..

So....how do you ask for help?

Just wanted to say you are not alone! I don't know the answer and have looked up counselling services but they're very expensive. It's tough isn't it

Why not try the Samaritans again? You’re never going to meet the person you speak to and I imagine they’ve heard everything. If you feel uncomfortable during the call you only have to say thanks, I have to end the call, bye.
I think once you’ve started talking it will become easier and help to clarify your thinking.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time too @ToooOldForThis
Its proper crap...
Yes private counseling is out of my price bracket...

The thought of living like this makes want to sob. The thought of also selling up and relocating (we can't afford to stay in the same area) also makes me want to sob.

Thanks @Suzanne999 maybe I will. With both of us at home with the kids it hasn't been so easy to pick up the phone.

They went out for a hour a few days ago and tried. But chickened it...

Maybe you haven’t spoken to anyone else because deep down you know that the only person you need to speak to about this is your husband?
A friend/counsellor/Samaritan will be someone you can share your issues with but only you can actually take action.
Presumably if your marriage is in the rocks and your home life is sad then your husband does also know?!
Just talk to him and decide what can be changed or if you ought to trial a separation or something.

He knows. We have talked a few times which makes me think I need to get my house in order and to get some support.

It's openly telling people my life is a lie and a complete fiction.

Bumping for you op and offering a virtual hug please speak to your gp you can get free councilling

@Dancingqueen90

My marriage is in real trouble. Has been for a while but some recent events have caused it to rise up. I can't really ignore it anymore.... I don't speak to anyone about it. No one knows... I have wanted some support for awhile but something holds me back saying anything. I have a couple of friends I could confide in. Friend A has quite alot of problems so don't want to add to it. Friend B is also pally with my husband. They both don't know

But if I be honest I am struggling just saying it . I find it quite overwhelming.

I tried the Samaritans yesterday but hung up. Another charity had a text service where I chicken it and stopped before I could get a advisor...I spoke to relate about a month ago and their fees are outside of what I can afford.

I don't know whether to go to a doctor and get some help (tablets to help my anxiety)..

I am not in any danger. There is no issue like that. Just our home life is pretty sad. And no one wants to live like this..

So....how do you ask for help?

Ok. You have asked for help now.

Say what is going wrong for you and I am sure you will get some honest advice here

Thanks for your comments and replies.

I spoke to my GP this morning and am going to get some CBT. Whether that will do anything is another matter. I have said no to tablets for the time being but if everything is becoming overwhelming I will consider it.

Realised my work has a counselling service so going to try them later and see if I can get anything there.

I am ok in the day. When it goes dark & I am tired in the evening the anxiety kicks in.

The thing that silences you is the thing that causes your anxiety. You don't want to give credence to your emotions, so they are supressed, and it's like supressing a lit firework. Everything gets too big for the space it's in, and there are explosions (of emotion) because things need outlets, whether you like it or not. It feels out of control, in the same way that when a balloon is blown up too far, you can't tell where it's going to split. But there is another way; you can let the air out in a controlled way, if you take responsibility for it.

In not asking for help, you are treating your emotions as if they are not your responsibility to look after, and a part of you (the silencing part) wants them to just shut up.

Where does this come from? What example were you set by your parents of how adult relationships work? Was there lots of listening to and respecting each others' feelings? Or was there a lot of feeling unhappy and being forced to shut up about it? Were you listened to as a child? Did your parents make you feel that your feelings were important? Was your anger heard and acknowledged?

In terms of practically actually asking for help, would it be useful to start off by writing down 'I need some help', and seeing if it turns into a longer piece of writing? Even getting stuff out of your head onto a bit of paper can be hugely useful. I did this, and ended up having to go and buy a big red pen so that I could use it for underlined capitals to express all the anger and upset inside me I hadn't been facing. It lead to me having life changing counselling; it can be a very useful starting point, and even now, if something is bothering me, I'll write it all down to get my head and heart straight. I have people to talk to, but it's often possible to deal with stuff on my own.

Once you start respecting and listening to your emotions, your anxiety will recede. Good luck with this. It's a great time of year to be asking the questions of yourself that you're asking; a very healthy new beginning will be ahead of you if you can gently and insistently keep finding answers on what's happening inside you. It's the most valuable work you'll ever do, and will be the difference between happy or anxious in your life going forwards.