Are most men like this?

[Boringlove12]

Boyfriend of 2.5 years is away for christmas and new year's with his family. I am with mine. We haven't spoken in a week, just a few texts here and there. I spent him a funny joke of his dream house. He just replied 'nope.' That's it today. He just doesn't seem bothered. Doesn't seem to miss me ever. I've told him I'm not happy about these things, but he calls me a nag and says he's not 'soft.' Are most men like this?

If some git called me a nag for asking for a little bit of extra care and affection, I'd be done.

Read ‘He’s just not that into you’. It’s a bit life changing to be told by a man that if a man wants you he really really shows it. Your man is not showing you he wants you.

This isn't a man/woman thing. We all have different communication styles, and some men / women like to keep in touch regularly with wordy messages, some aren't that bothered.

But you shouldn't be left wondering if someone even likes you. He's being pain rude to you bu not answering or giving one word answers and then calling you a nag for expecting more.

It sounds like he just isn't that bothered. Or he's having so much fun with his family he's too busy to think of anything else, and just assumes you'll be sat waiting, keen and attentive, when he returns.

I would stop messaging him. You have nothing to lose if he isn't that bothered anyway, and everything to gain.

Don't beg, don't sit waiting for his calls. Plan fun stuff and keep busy.

@AngryWithH

I am just newly into a relationship with someone who is very transactional in texts which upset me at first but when I explained that it made ne feel good when I got texts he then understood and changed his style. Men don’t know what to do unless you tell ‘em…

People, not men. Plenty of women are crap communicators

I've told him I'm not happy about these things, but he calls me a nag and says he's not 'soft.' Are most men like this?

I think this is the biggest thing I would take issue with. Not acknowledging how you feel with his behaviour toward you would be a red flag for me. A nag? Because what? You dared to challenge his attitude toward you.

Secondly why is being "soft" so bad? Dh is completely soft which belies his 6'3" rugby build stature.He cries at Christmas adverts I have teenage sons who kiss me, hug me and tell me they love me. Why is that a bad thing? Dh being soft means he cares about me, shows me and tells me he cares about me. We have been together 25 years.

It seems unusual to me. By 2.5 years we'd lived together for 1.5 years (renting) and were making steps towards buying our first home and trying for our first baby.

Only the shit ones.

Out of sight out of mind.

Some people are like this, not great if you are in a relationship with them and you require more.

To feel wanted, needed and missed is quite important indicators as to how much someone cares.

I would find someone a little more thoughtful.

...he doesn't like to chat on the phone with them listening in.

Eh? Can't he leave the room or go outside to phone you! Sounds like he's just making excuses and what he probably means is he doesn't want to phone you.

I couldn't deal with a man like this. Sounds a bit basic. It will only get worse as time goes on.

I spent him a funny joke of his dream house. He just replied 'nope.' That's it today. He just doesn't seem bothered. Doesn't seem to miss me ever. I've told him I'm not happy about these things, but he calls me a nag and says he's not 'soft.' Are most men like this?

He's not even just being 'not soft' with his 'nope' reply though @Boringlove12 . He was kind of off with you.

This isn't good behaviour in a relationship.

And no, not all men are like this.

Can't speak for what most men are like but my boyfriend isn't like this at all.. my ex boyfriend was however, in fact my ex wouldn't of even replied to me if I sent him a jokey text about my dream house haha.. I tried to tell myself at the time that how our relationship was was normal but I knew deep down it wasn't.. if it really bothers you then it may be a deal breaker for you.. also how is missing your gf or talking to her 'soft' ?

@Boringlove12

No we don't live together. We talk every day, twice a day normally. See each other on weekends. When he's with his family, he doesn't like to chat on the phone with them listening in.

Are you sure he's definitely single? Why wouldn't he just go to another room to talk to you and why do you see him weekends only?

I wouldn't be happy with that at all. What is your friend like? Maybe he would make a better boyfriend...

Hey Op, my bf of two years weirdly treated me like this over Christmas and turns out he’d just checked out of the relationship (so now ex bf). If he normally texts you I’d say this isn’t the right behaviour - if someone likes someone they’ll make time for them. even if he is spending time with his family…(hope this doesn’t sound too harsh!)

Always trust your gut! Maybe ask for a proper chat on the phone?

At best this is a mismatch in communication styles but even then he should be willing to meet you halfway. Has he always been this way?

And no, my boyfriend isn't like this, in fact he asks me what I need in the relationship and them gives it to me.

It's not "soft" to tell someone you love and miss them.

My H is not the most emotional or demonstratively of people, but he will text me and speak to me every day if I'm away, and will always say love you and miss you. I would be upset if he didn't and I think he would feel the same.

If your BF is not comfortable saying this then that's fine, but it's equally as fine for you to want someone who does say and do these things. Only you can decide what you are happy with.