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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

His Response Tells Me Everything, Right?

24 replies

Lokidile · 29/12/2021 13:44

Driving with DB in the car today and were discussing plans for meeting up with some of my family tomorrow. He asked what the arrangements were, to which I replied, “I don’t know if we’re meeting at the restaurant or if they’re coming to ours first”. He immediately replied with “you mean yours?”
We don’t live together. I used ‘ours’ as my DM and 2DCs live with me. It very much felt like a statement from him that he sees himself as ‘separate’ - or am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:

Derrymum123 · 29/12/2021 14:06

If he doesn't live with you then he is right. I would not read anything into it. He may have just been clarifying not at his house but at yours.

Cloudfrost · 29/12/2021 14:08

You are being ridiculous

00100001 · 29/12/2021 14:09

Wowee...

You're both correct...

Does it matter?

BornIn78 · 29/12/2021 14:10

He’s right, in the context of the conversation, the fact that it was only you and your boyfriend having the conversation, it was “yours/mine” not “ours”.

Calamitydrayne · 29/12/2021 14:17

There's going to be hours of fun when you do live together. Poor bloke will be afraid to open his mouth lol

cogsmede · 29/12/2021 14:19

He is right though I don't see the need to say it

Maybe he's hinting that he's not ready to move in just yet

Scarydinosaurs · 29/12/2021 14:22

The OP is talking about her brother, so it isn’t a romantic relationship? He won’t ever be moving in - if anything he’s surely moved out?

I think he was clarifying where you meant? Wouldn’t think he was being pointed?

TheHoptimist · 29/12/2021 14:22

He is your brother?

Calamitydrayne · 29/12/2021 14:24

@Scarydinosaurs

The OP is talking about her brother, so it isn’t a romantic relationship? He won’t ever be moving in - if anything he’s surely moved out?

I think he was clarifying where you meant? Wouldn’t think he was being pointed?

Unless she clarifies it could just as easy be Dear Boyfriend. And if it were her brother it's even more ridiculous.

Dery · 29/12/2021 14:28

"He’s right, in the context of the conversation, the fact that it was only you and your boyfriend having the conversation, it was “yours/mine” not “ours”."

This. It really doesn't tell you everything especially given that he seems to be happy meeting your family tomorrow and this is about where you're all meeting beforehand. It's just accurate. To be honest, I would be likely to say the same thing in his shoes because I'm a bit anal about being precise about practical details. So based on what you've described, you're being over-sensitive. I get that, too - I can be over-sensitive, too. It can help to take a step back and look at the bigger picture - are there other things he's doing to make you feel insecure or is this really a one-off?

Dery · 29/12/2021 14:30

I think DB must mean Dear Boyfriend. There would be no reason for this post if it was OP's brother.

BornIn78 · 29/12/2021 14:37

Boyfriend or brother, it doesn’t matter. My previous comment still stands.

Calamitydrayne · 29/12/2021 14:42

@BornIn78

Boyfriend or brother, it doesn’t matter. My previous comment still stands.

It does matter because it's pretty obvious she wasn't talking about her brother meeting her family. He's already met them

Aprilx · 29/12/2021 14:48

No idea who DB is, but either way if it is not somebody you live with then your home is “yours” not “ours”. And it doesn’t “tell you anything”, in fact I have no idea what you mean by that.

itsmyfault · 29/12/2021 15:22

I would have taken this as just clarifying where the meeting was.

itsmyfault · 29/12/2021 15:23

It is impossible to detect tone in written words. It depends on the tone it was said in.

Momijin · 29/12/2021 15:58

Boyfriend or brother, both correct. Why wouldn't you say mine instead of ours if you're not living together? I would be confused if my boyfriend said ours as wouldn't know if he meant his house or my house as we don't live together.

IncompleteSenten · 29/12/2021 16:01

You should have clarified that you said ours as in yours, your mum and your child's joint home. "Our". Not our as in your and his home.

NynaeveSedai · 29/12/2021 16:04

I don't think his response means anything really

PurpleThursdays · 29/12/2021 16:11

Oh lord. If you mean boyfriend, he is right and you are over sensitive.
If you mean brother, he is right and the whole situation is fucked up. You should be a separate entity to your brother as an adult.

2bazookas · 29/12/2021 16:46

You don't live with him. Therefore you are two separate households, his and yours. The family are coming to yours.

I can't understand what you don't understand about this.

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 16:56

To be fair, assuming your talking about your boyfriend, he might be clarifying you mean yours and not his.

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 16:57

*you're

madisonbridges · 29/12/2021 17:03

I can understand your feelings. You think he wants it clear that he doesn't consider you and he a joint entity. Although he's obviously technically right, I can see that you're taking it as a bit of a rejection of a future together. I would say that some people are just more literal than others and need clarification on certain terminology. If everything is generally OK, I'd park the one and just leave it.

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