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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dh made a big decision re: career without telling me

5 replies

rifling · 29/12/2021 13:31

Background: many years ago we almost split up because dh accepted a job without telling me (I didn't even know he had applied and found out because other people congratulated me on his new position). I was very upset as we had been planning on moving abroad and he hadn't told me he had changed his mind and just expected me to be happy for him. Hmm

Fast forward 15 years and he casually dropped into the conversation that he has resigned from one position he does one day a week (and has done for 15 years). I am furious. Not because he wanted to give it up (fine - we will have slightly less money but he was finding it stressful) but because, again, he never thought to tell me let alone discuss it beforehand. All his colleagues know.

I just feel completely lost. After the first time when I wanted to leave I thought he had understood that for me marriage means talking to each other, discussing things. This has been an ongoing theme in our marriage and I am fed up. Am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheMooch · 29/12/2021 21:11

You are not being unreasonable. Unless you just dish out grief to him big time alot, then it might be more understandable why he just does it without saying.

I think it hurts more when it's the second similair occasion you know about, because he didn't really take in or care about that incident. And it's the other people knowing too....

I've had similar happen to me and their attitude was "well I don't tell you everything".

moremoony · 29/12/2021 22:39

You should have left him the first time. He has zero respect or consideration for you. You’ve wasted another 15 years. It’s disgusting. What’s the point of being married to this man?

tiredanddangerous · 29/12/2021 22:55

He doesn't really care what you think, does he?

StanleyGreen · 29/12/2021 23:09

@moremoony

You should have left him the first time. He has zero respect or consideration for you. You’ve wasted another 15 years. It’s disgusting. What’s the point of being married to this man?
Absolutely agree.
billy1966 · 29/12/2021 23:16

You certainly aren't partners OP.

Sorry.

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