Pregnant, splitting up, might need to abort, I'm so upset

[Tornapartmum]

My dp and me haven't been great for a couple of years, we already have a three year old, we've nearly split up multiple times but to be honest things weren't unbearable and neither of us wanted to lose our child half of the time so we've kind of plodded on. I know we're going to split up eventually but I guess I thought it'll be a few years down the line. We got pregnant again, which I realise now was hugely irresponsible. I'm around 6 weeks. We had a huge argument, unrelated, and to be honest it just made me realise what am I doing. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't even like me, who thinks so low of me, so he said piss off then, leave. I said I can't afford another baby on my own so I won't be able to go ahead with it and he turned on me again calling me a killer, a murderer and I feel so upset. I've sat in the car and cried for hours. How am I meant to decide if I keep this baby. If I stay or go. I don't know what move to make I just feel totally broken

I think you have to do what’s right for you. Why don’t you split up, go somewhere else for a couple of weeks. Get some space and then see how you feel. You’re only 6 weeks so a couple of weeks breathing space is fine. You might feel stronger on your own. Maybe think how you would manage if you had the baby. Remember he will have them 50 % of the time so you can do your studying then. Plus single parent benefits. You’ll have extra access to university funds and might even qualify for hardship payments. When you’re not crying sit and do the Math.

@Yacarita

Oh God OP please do not abort a much wanted baby!! You would surely regret it for the rest of your life. Your partner sounds horrible but don't let him take your baby away from you. I know how hopeless and devastating everything can look during a horrible argument like this Still I am sure that things will also look different again (whether with your partner or separated but with a new sense of hope for your baby) and you will be glad that you kept your baby.

Don't come on here and guilt op out of her decision.

Unless of course you are offering to support her financially and emotionally? Op needs support in her decision, and to look at the practicalities of what she does.

I agree you have some time to work out what you really want to do.

You can do this if you want to, you are capable.

But equally, if you don't want to continue with the pregnancy that's also fine. It's not selfish, it's just what it is.

‘In an ideal world you’d continue with the pregnancy‘
I just don’t agree with this thinking - op didn’t plan a much wanted baby in a loving stable relationship, she’s in early pregnancy with a toxic relationship and no financial independence without benefits and maintenance for now.
Thank goodness we live in a world where you can opt out of that if you want to. Not every pregnancy is a blessing.
Op if you want to continue use every means available to you, but make the right choice for you and your son right now. Whatever you decide will be the right choice with the information and emotion available to you at that time.

Hugs to you.

His response tells me that you would not be able to rely on him for much support. Focus on being practical. It sounds like you could build a happy secure life for you and your 3 year old.

You need to think carefully about how your life would look with another child. Do sone research into benefits etc. he is trying to make you feel guilty about considering an abortion. But that’s not his decision to make. It is completely up to you so ignore everything he says. If he really cared he’d be offering financial support over and beyond what cms require.
I’d get some counselling. You have some time. Use it to make the best decision you can for you and your DS

Leave him, keep the baby, you'll get support from the government - situations like yours is precisely why we have a safety net.

I’m not making a judgement, I’m just acknowledging what the OP said

’My heart just feels broken this baby is so wanted’

To everyone saying that you can make it work with another baby, I disagree. It would be extremely difficult to be able to study, work, look after a baby and a toddler/preschooler. It isn't necessarily so, but likely that she would have to change her plans and having a baby would hinder her a lot at the moment and it may make her take decisions that she wouldn't make if she only had her existing child.

This is of course the OP's decisions but she needs to make whatever decision she makes with her eyes open and with a real grasp of what he life will be like in either scenario.

@WhatScratch

I’m not making a judgement, I’m just acknowledging what the OP said

’My heart just feels broken this baby is so wanted’

Op is mourning the life she thought she had, including a second child.

It's going to be really hard to have a second child in these circumstances, not impossible, but really hard.

You sound scared. Having kids and being a lone parent is hard at times but it’s not impossible. Benefits are there to help financially

In all honesty, it is much more difficult to take the decision to leave than dealing with the consequences of it.

Hi OP how are things now? What did you decide to do? Sending you love 💐💐💐

I appreciate it's years since this was posted, but what did you decide to do in the end and how did it impact you?

I'm currently in a similar situation and I'm completely stuck with my decision