Cheating ex acting the victim

[Ihateyou100times]

My ex cheated on me, reason he gave was that he felt we had grown apart, didn’t make effort etc. we split then he came back repeatedly until
I said no more. He’s back with the ow and I’m now seeing someone and he isn’t happy about it.

Can someone please explain what goes on in their heads when they act the victim and turn into a c*nt when the non cheater moves on??

We have a DD together and it is draining the life out of me (luckily she is too young to understand what’s going on) I had a whole year of him back and forth between me and ow and I just want to put it behind me now. It’s like he doesn’t want me, but doesn’t want anyone else to have me?? He would literally last a month with me playing happy families then revert back to his c*nt cave and I stupidly played the pick me dance for far too long!!! Yet he now acts as though I’ve cheated on him!!! It’s all about his hurt, his devastation, not taking into account that I deeply loved him and he blew my entire word apart for over a year!!!! I’m sick of feeling like I am in the wrong, when it was HIM that didn’t want to be with me.
It took me a long time to find my Self Worth and I wasn’t really looking to meet anyone but I have and he is amazing, he shows me exactly how a loving relationship should be and I’m sick of all the ex drama that is constantly happening in my life and all the head space it’s taking up!!
Funny thing is, I honestly thought me and ex could remain friends and be amicable, be able to go to family functions together etc

I’m not sure what I’m really asking to be honest, just I guess whether anyone else has been in the same boat?

Hi, you have my sympathy. Im currently in the same situation. My ex repeatedly cheated on me over our 5 year relationship, I stupidly forgave him far too many times and took him back. I eventually saw sense, kicked him out early this year. Met someone lovely not too long ago. Cue the ex playing the victim, attempting to sabotage my new relationship.. even telling anyone who will listen how I’m the cheat, the liar etc. Several late night essay messages either professing his undying love for me, or calling me vile names and saying he will tell people how I’m a prostitute??? He’s now playing the “our son isn’t mine” game. Ridiculous and pathetic.
Tbh op I think it’s a control thing. We went back and as you say “played the pick me dance”. Essentially enabling and excusing their dick behaviour. When it eventually becomes clear to them that they can’t just slide back in when it suits, when it becomes evident you are, shock, not pining for them crying into your wine every night. They don’t like it. It must be difficult to admit you are actually a shit person; much easier to play the blame game and look like the victim whose been wronged.
I also had visions of being amicable, for our son of nothing else. Thing is, that’s going to be impossible for someone who is so self absorbed and has finally been called out on their crap.
For me now, it’s escalated to the point where I’ve had to involve the police re the constant harassment and abuse. My son is stuck in the middle as he sees him as a way to get to me, though has no actual interest in being a father.
My advice op, refuse to engage in his attempts to manipulate and control you. Let him feel hurt, ashamed etc (if he actually does). Focus on you, your dd and your new relationship.if he communicates with you, ensure it is solely about your child. These kind of people will drag you down with them. Focus on the fact you saw sense and got the rat out of your life. Ignore anything that doesn’t discuss your child, contact etc. Good luck

Probably so narcissistic that he cannot comprehend why you would want anyone other than him. Of course it will only be his feelings that he will consider. He won't consider how you are feeling.
Well done on remembering your self worth. Keep on going.

Whatever he says, reply "well, you shouldn't have cheated on me then should you"

Every time.

@IncompleteSenten

Whatever he says, reply "well, you shouldn't have cheated on me then should you"

Every time.

Good one. I did this: 'you've only got yourself to blame'. It silenced him for a while.

Just block and ignore, apart from emails about DD which you check twice a week.

Who needs someone dishonest, unfaithful and inconsistent. He's not worth wasting your thoughts on.

My ex did this to me.
He cheated, but has made out that I somehow 'forced' him to do this. He has spin a web of lies to his new DP about me, she thinks I'm absolutely awful & has no shame in telling me so.
It's baffling but some people just cannot cope with being 'the bad guy'.
I think the only solution is to build boundaries around you & not get sucked into his drama & rubbish.
Very well done for getting out in the relationship.

Because you might "win" the happily ever after game.

You all know you started your new relationship once your old one was over.

Who cares what he thinks.
Have a lovely new year and hope 2022 brings you many days of fun and happiness.

It's textbook. I think they can't accept they are a bad person so try to deflect the blame onto you. I also think there is so much ingrained misogyny they think they own you, so even though they can cheat, you can't. My ex MIL told me I should just ignore my husbands cheating but I am convinced she wouldn't have given him the same advice if it had been the other way round!