Thoughts please

[Mickymackyboobahboo]

Advice needed, been together 8 years have 6 and 2.5 year old. DP can have moments of anger, first time was when I was pregnant with first child,braked hard and said he hoped he hurt the baby as he hates me so much.
There are instances I suppose similar throughout, breaking things, thrown things on a couple of occasions at me. Gets in my face pressed against me. Said really nasty things sometimes. But he isn’t always like this just on occasions. In them instances I know it’s not right and hate it and am so upset but then after when he apologises ect I think ok it’s ok again now and it’s kind of just brushed under the carpet. We watched something recently and I had a realisation that maybe he is abusive. I said this about 3 months ago that I’m not happy and I’ve just realised that it’s not really right said I don’t want to be together and it’s been a complete emotional rollercoaster really, he’s been annoyed, he’s been crying, apologetic said it will never happen again. Been to a counsellor to discuss his emotions. And I just feel so confused, I feel like how can you just change suddenly. He’s been really helpful in the house normally never lifts a finger ever ever ever, literally. He said he didn’t realise it made me feel so bad and he was just frustrated and stressed but I just am confused. I probably have missed things out but if I wrote everything it would be a whole page long! Thanks

I think I would be ok as I hopefully would be entitled to some benefits, I earn a bit as I work part time and he would pay maintenance.
When I say I think that we shouldn’t stay together he says I’m breaking the family up and it’s my choice which makes me feel guilty and then doubt myself.
We own the house together so he said it’s his house too so he shouldn’t have to move out. I said it’s probably better for the kids to stay here but he said it’s not fair on him. It’s so hard being in the house together after these discussions but I don’t think he will just go.x

Of course he says those things. He is manipulating you. It’s working. Don’t let him win. It’s not a game. It’s your life and your childrens lives. His actions have consequences. It’s a fact of life. These are his consequences catching up with him now.

If he had been nicer to you he wouldn’t be in this position. His fault. His actions. His repercussions.

And yes it’s true that he should have as much right to stay in the joint house as you. But if he does and you care for dc more than he does, his refusal to leave could have a negative impact on them, as they while in your majority care may have to live further away from school/dc’s pals and hobbies etc.

But that doesn’t surprise me as he’s not interested in any one’s welfare but his own.

You stick to your guns. You’re doing this for DC.