Second stage labour - large baby

[mailpal]

How long were you pushing for in second stage labour?

My son was large 10lbs and I had a home birth with 2 midwives present. It was my first labour.

First stage was reasonably quick, my second stage of active pushing was around 4 hours.

I've since come to realise how long that is!! Too long..?

I've become a bit worried and anxious about my son who is showing development delay with his social skills and speech/ language.. He's showing signs of sensory processing disorder.

Any other women on here have large babies delivered naturally? If so how was your experience? Traumatic? Utterly exhausting? Long recovery? How is your child?

Thanks x

Interesting conversation, DS was fairly big (8lb 12) my pushing stage was long and he ended up being delivered via forceps. Didn't cry when born and with with the doctor straight away as I think he needed some help. He is 2 now and speech and language delayed, we are pending an initial assessment so not sure if there are any other potential things which might come out.

@Justbecause88 thanks for sharing and sorry to hear you had a tough time too - just out of interest, did you contact the doctor/gp for an initial assessment or was he referred after check up?

Thanks xx

I flagged up with the GP at 18 months who referred via the HV for a hearing test. Nothing really happened then until he was 2 and I moved him to a nursery. The SENCO has been amazing and put a referral in straight away which was accepted in November. I would say he's probably around 9-12 months behind where he should be S&L wise.

@Justbecause88 our nursery isn't great, we are likely moving him to a different one permanently early in the new year x

@mailpal I think good nursery's with a decent SENCO are worth their weight in gold. My son was at a childminder before and even though it was much cheaper I'm so pleased we moved him. Does the new one seem more supportive with your concerns?

@mailpal He May have had some minor injury which has resulted in the problems you outline. My baby had a birth injury and also screamed solidly for a year with reflux and colic. The high pitched scream he had was cerebral irritation. It's most likely your DS will eventually integrate the traumatic birth but you are right to get more help for his sensory and speech issues in the short term.

Feeling guilty seems to be the curse of mothers, but you have nothing to feel guilty about

@inheritancetrack thanks for your response, really appreciate it.. can I ask what you mean by 'integrate the trauma' - is there anything I can do to help him? I will of course contact speech and language for referral to start..

Does this mean he did experience brain injury? What should I do with this? I looked into lawyer/representative recently but backed out as I have no diagnosis yet..

Thanks for sharing your story I'm sorry to hear your lil one experienced sever reflux/colic etc too, literally the most difficult time of my life to date..

@mailpal the midwives should have transferred you in by calling an ambulance for delay in 2nd stage. The consultant would have been worried about shoulder dystocia with a large for dates baby. Did baby's shoulders get stuck? Did you have to pop your legs back? Also did they transfer you in after due to resuscitation?

@flower1677 they did have an ambulance waiting outside but they didn't call them in for second stage - what do you mean about put my legs back? Which position would that have been?

I was initially in a birth pool but moved into the bedroom and was in the bed on all fours, before that I was sat onto the toilet when I felt his head crowning, the midwife said he is close to his arrival and to feel his head..

The consultation I had with head midwife in hospital talked about shoulder dystocia and I had no clue what it was but she made me very anxious and had me sign something to say I 'accept full responsibility should anything happen'

I honestly didn't know my head from my arse at that point.. I was a nervous wreck and they told me last minute about being large, baby measuring large and scoffed at my birth plan..

I honestly regret and can't believe the whole thing.. she said to me 'do you have gestational diabetes' and I told her I was never checked for that.. although I did mention to my midwife being very thirsty and needing something sweet every morning..

I don't know what to do but am really angry, sad, upset about how the whole thing was managed.. it just wasn't managed, we were left.. before and after..

Op I understand your need to find out why your son is having difficulties, but I don’t think it’s fair to blame the medical staff for your decision to have a home birth. They can’t override a woman’s choice & they wouldn’t get much thanks if they did! All they can do is advise the best course of action, which they did, and it sounds like you were quite adamant in your choice.

I know it’s difficult but the what ifs will drive you mad. Try to focus on the here & now 💐

@Lifeisnteasy thanks for your words.. to be honest I managed well during the birth, pushed through, no gas and air, but I was definitely traumatised by the whole thing, especially the lack of after care and colic.. but you're right the what ifs are probably not helpful or doing me any good.. I was so scared to give birth in a hospital setting it felt like no other option for me..

I get the impression that you are blaming yourself for possible developmental delays or disorders with your child. Please don’t do this.
From memory, my pushing stage was probably 3 hours with my first. He was 8lb 13. Fully monitored throughout (with a stethoscope). He was healthy. Later on in life, has been diagnosed with ASC and ADHD. For a long time I blamed myself because I didn’t bf him the moment he was born. I was totally shell shocked after the birth and didn’t know what to do! MW went home as she’d overstayed her shift and it was an hour before someone else came to see me. I tentatively asked ‘should I feed him?’ We are very close and always have been, yet I still felt at fault!
Second child, very quick home birth, pushing under an hour. I fed her the second she came out, all v healthy. She has sensory issues!
Third child elective c-section due to being breech. He’s autistic!

It's so difficult not to feel guilty but I think the current guidelines on big babies is that a vaginal birth is a reasonable option. I think there are nice guidelines on this that you could try to look up if it would help you.
I certainly know off several big babies that were born vaginally and don't have to any developmental problems. My DC3 was just under 10lbs and I had had a horrendous elcs experience with DC2 (breech) so I really, really wanted to avoid another C-section. Stage 2 labour was about 45 mins although I did need a very big episiotomy. He's 2 now and a fair bit ahead of DC2 at this age for pretty much everything.

@WhenwillIlearntoadult thanks for sharing your story, sorry to hear you've had a tough time too.. I definitely do blame myself but think I need to try let it go otherwise it could eat me up.. it's hard to do that though.. maybe there's nothing to worry about in terms of there being a link with the birth but I feel there is x

@ThisOneNow that's exactly why I went for a natural big birth as I done lots of last minute reading about how safe it was and it seemed to be saying it is perfectly safe.. I am big 5'10 and husband big too, I was an 8lb baby, so I wasn't too surprised to know I had a big baby when I found out - it was the fact they wanted to give me a CS immediately :/ that terrified me..

First baby 9lb 6, two hours of pushing and a traumatic birth. He's a fine young man now.

Second baby 9lb 10, less than half an hour of pushing I think (?) and back-to-back. Also fine.

Please don't draw a straight line between birth struggles and subsequent issues. Be kind to yourself

1st baby 7lb 6oz - pushed 1-2 hours

2nd 10lb 6oz - pushed maybe a few contractions

3rd 9lb 6oz - very quick again a few contractions

4th - official labour 1st & 2nd stage 1 min.

Oh 8cm, oh crowned, oh here 🤷🏽‍♀️

1st babies are usually longer pushing stage. After that your body does it for you tbh.

The first 3 all need taking off to the corner to be "attended to"

Sometimes the pushing stage is long because they get you to push too soon. Please ask for a birth debrief.

I'm tiny 5' they kept telling me my 2nd baby wasn't big (!) I'm glad I didn't know tbh.

@wineusuallyhelps how was your DS as a toddler? Did he have any developmental delays and then outgrow them? Not sure if that's even possible to outgrow delays.. maybe with help/support.. thanks x

@mailpal no, he didn't have any developmental delays so I can't advise on that I'm afraid.

OP legs back for a shoulder dystocia is where you are on your back, you put each of your hands behind each knee and pull your legs up to your ears and as wide apart as you can. This position alters the pelvic outlet measurement which can sometimes free up enough room for baby's impacted shoulder to get through. Four hours is an awful long time for second stage of labour (pushing stage) to go on. I thought 2 hours was maximum and then only if mum and baby were OK and progress was being made. Anything after that would be an obstructed labour and require intervention such as ventouse, forceps or c section.

From reading the thread I would really recommend a debrief with the midwife. I had a tough birth and went over my labour notes with the urogynaecologist who helped me manage my resulting mangled pelvic floor. I was anxious about it but honestly it helped so much as my memory wasn’t accurate and knowing what happened rather than endless what-iffing really helped me kind of feel like I had some ownership over my experience.

My baby was 10lb9oz and back to back. I pushed for 2 hours then got whizzed to theatre for attempted manual rotation (didn’t work) followed by emergency forceps delivery. He was not breathing and was blue when he arrived, I thought he was dead. His cord has readings were scary and he spent 2 hours in NICU being monitored because they were worried.

He’s 4 now and delightfully average: talks my ear off and scares me shitless climbing and running. So as others have said, there’s not a clear link between birth and subsequent developmental stuff.

Mum guilt is horrible stuff. Try to let it go, it sounds like you did the very best you could with the situation you found yourself in at the time, and nobody can ask more of themselves than that. X

[quote mailpal]@WhenwillIlearntoadult thanks for sharing your story, sorry to hear you've had a tough time too.. I definitely do blame myself but think I need to try let it go otherwise it could eat me up.. it's hard to do that though.. maybe there's nothing to worry about in terms of there being a link with the birth but I feel there is x[/quote]
@mailpal be kind to yourself. Even if something was caused during the birth, it wasn’t your fault. You are aware your child may have some additional needs and you are supporting them with it. You are doing your very best. It is difficult to let go of things but for your own wellbeing, do try. You are brilliant x

Should have added, having a child with SEN is a big old rollercoaster ride. One thing I have definitely learned is that these things are most likely genetic. There is a lot of autism in my family, however, we didn’t know about it until my child’s generation came along. Now I know much more about the autistic spectrum I can see that parents and even grandparents had traits.
If this ends up being your journey, you will probably find similar along the way. X