Should I wash this man right out of my hair?

[DatingDinosaur]

I’m having an end of year mental declutter and would like your thoughts / opinions on this little lot please.

Just before the first lockdown I met a guy through a mutual hobby. He seemed nice enough. Looked forward to seeing him again. We’ve met several times now but only in our hobby/group setting. His group is in a different region to mine but the groups meet up every now and again. We aren’t dating but he Has Potential. However…

First thing, it was my turn to arrange the regional meet and he sticks his name down (along with a whole bunch of other people). The day arrives. They all turn up. He doesn’t. I text him to find out what time he was hoping to arrive. Nothing. We (the group) decide to set off and 3 hours later I get a reply saying he’s decided to sit this one out as he didn’t fancy travelling in the bad weather. Fair enough, but when was he actually going to let me know if I hadn’t asked? I thought this was pretty rude tbh, especially as the club’s etiquette is to let the organiser know if you can’t make it.

Next thing, we (the group) were discussing another meet and he messaged me to suggest a couple of things, one of them being let someone else organise the main day. He made a point of suggesting overnight accommodation (not the first time he’s done this) and gave a few recommendations. Chat moved on to general chat about the bank holiday and I asked what he was doing. He takes 4 days to reply, changes the title of the message to something completely different, ignored my question (which is still there in black and white) and carried on with the discussion about the original meet. Is it just me that thinks that was totally weird?.

The final things, he asks me the same questions several times. It’s as if he doesn’t believe my answer or is checking that I give the same answer each time. He also asks me some completely random questions that just don’t flow from any conversation we were or weren’t having at the time. For example “what colour’s your living room?” just blurted out of nowhere. WTF?

On the surface he seems like a really nice guy, polite, well mannered, seems fairly intelligent, decent job, a wicked sense of humour. BUT, my women’s intuition is saying “proceed with caution, something’s not right here”.

So, over to you. What do you think?

Thanks, DD

Well, he doesn't sound like he's super eager, or else he'd have gone on that first meet up whatever the weather. Or replied to your messages sooner. I would back right off and see if that gets him to step up.

He sounds a little odd and not at all interested in you.

I'm sorry, I don't think he's interested in you. Even if he was, I think he'd start to irritate you after a very short time. Move on.

Lather up that shampoo and send ideas of him on their way!

He sounds like a person who happens to attend a club that you do that is in no way interested in you. You asking him a vaguely personal question, off topic from the hobby and him ignoring until he eventually just changed the topic back to the hobby group could not be a more clear indication that he is not interested. Forget any romantic thoughts you have towards him, you’re completely wasting your time.

I wouldn't bother, sounds like he'd work already.

Hard work

Waste of time. Next!

He's not that interested in the hobby or you, he ignores you and doesn't believe what you say anyway if he keeps asking the same question or so disinterested he can't remember.
He doesn't make a good member of the group let alone a dating option, take notice of how he interacts towards others and particularly you. You only want to date a thoughtful man who seems interested in you?
Yes listen to your instincts about this man, give your hair a good wash.

Yeah he doesn't seem invested at all I don't think I would pursue it further

He has zero interest in you I'm afraid

He's not interested

He sounds ridiculously hard work. Wash him out and move on.

@Totalwasteofpaper

Waste of time. Next!

This.

Oh my! Thanks everyone for the replies. It’s a unanimous “forget about him/he’s not interested” then.

To be honest, I think that’s what my gut feelings were picking up on anyway but he does behave differently with me and he has instigated a lot of general chit-chat conversations – it was just those 3 things that didn’t sit right with me. My friends say he sounds a bit flakey at best or has an agenda at worst – and they know more than I’ve written here.

I think I’ll stay away from the regional meets for a while and just hope he doesn’t decide to come along to one of our local ones.

On a positive note, I’ve learned I’m not emotionally dead after the previous 10 years of my life and that I am still capable of feeling attraction. Just a shame it’s not reciprocated on this occasion so I’ll give my self pity it’s 15 minutes of fame then jump in that shower

Thanks again everyone for the replies Oh my! Thanks everyone for the replies. It’s a unanimous “forget about him/he’s not interested” then.

To be honest, I think that’s what my gut feelings were picking up on anyway but he does behave differently with me and he has instigated a lot of general chit-chat conversations – it was just those 3 things that didn’t sit right with me. My friends say he sounds a bit flakey at best or has an agenda at worst – and they know more than I’ve written here.

I think I’ll stay away from the regional meets for a while and just hope he doesn’t decide to come along to one of our local ones.

On a positive note, I’ve learned I’m not emotionally dead after the previous 10 years of my life and that I am still capable of feeling attraction. Just a shame it’s not reciprocated on this occasion so I’ll give fmy self pity it’s 15 minutes of fame then jump in that shower

Thanks again everyone for the replies.

Okay, that's somehow double-posted itself - I was trying to add smileys!

Not exactly keen is he

Why would you even consider him? People to invite into your life are the ones who you consistently feel good with, feel you communicate well with, and understand. Not those whose motivations you don't get, and whose behaviour feels confusing to you.

If you're having to ask on a forum for strangers to decide for you whether to welcome someone, then you shouldn't. Healthy relationships don't trigger that response.

Find people you feel good with, and confident with. Not ones who give you 'question mark' feelings.

Agreed, he doesn't sound interested but that's no reason to stay away from your hobby, nothing bad has happened. Just say a polite, breezy 'hi!' if you see him and don't bother with any more chat outside of group admin stuff.

God, don’t let him put you off going to your hobby! That would be to give him far too much importance. It’s ok to have considered him but now you have given your head a wobble, just move on and put it out of your mind.

It’s not about considering him, I’m attracted to him – I have no control over that. But what I do have control over is what I do about it. Which will be nothing now!

I’m not going to give up my hobby! – just limiting it to local only for a while whilst I lick my wounds.

I just need to learn to trust my instincts more I think.