Single parent life with a nutter ex

[HDVB21]

Recently spilt up with my partner long story short expected me to take on his kids while he did what he wanted and I’d just had a baby of my own. If he didn’t get his own way he’d kick off go on benders expect me just to forget after days of abuse and never knowing if he was going to get smashed or be nice and sorry. Needless to say iv left the relationship after one final argument enough was enough im not having my child think this is acceptable and thinking it’s ok to live that way and listening to arguments he’s 6 months old. I never wanted him to be from a broken home but I won’t stay with someone either who makes me that unhappy I dread coming home. He’s now getting his younger daughter to Who I love to death and have treated her like my own since we was together to contact me as Iv had to block him on everything because I can’t cope with the abuse one minute and I love you the next how do you even co parent with that

You don't. You parallel parent.

It is hard as you expect them to step up and put the children first but he clearly isn't capable of doing this by using his older child to engage with you. How old is this child? Sadly your relationship with her has changed. She has 2 parents. And in an ideal world he would facilitate the relationship with her sibling.

Focus on what you can control. His contact is on x day at x time. Money through CMS.

Then get on with living your best life. He is your ex. You don't need to give him any further head space. Keep firm Boundaries in place. You only need to discuss information about dc.

It takes time and they don't like having the control taken away. My ex hated this approach but now understands he has to be respectful towards me and I will respond in kind. Any poor or abusive behaviour results in nothing back from me. And now we have a much more agreeable relationship for the sake of the children.

Keep the block and have a go between for access, if there is any arranged.
Its cruel that he is using his youngest child as bait. Are you in contact with her mother, could you let her know what is going on, so that her child know this isn't about her? You might be able to maintain a sibling relationship between the two of you?

The child is 9 her mother is a waste of space aswell practically gave her to us and never sees her that’s why it makes it so hard for me he knows I love and adore her just like my own. She has her own phone and she called me last night he was on the phone also I just told her I loved her said night and ended the call. It’s horrible what he’s done and using her makes me hate him all the more it’s sick if you ask me I’m glad my little boy is to young to understand what’s happened. I’m going to speak to his mum see if she will be the go between for contact because if He gets any little bit of hope it all starts again iv have tried it believe.