New Year's Eve plans

[Neveragain85]

I'm so confused as to what to do. I've been with my partner for 5 years, we've spent every new year with his family apart from last year when he was with me & my kids but this year he spoke to all of his family about their plans first. He asked me if I wanted to come but I declined as last time his mum told me I didn't need to come down. Anyway he decided without really discussing it with me that he will spend it with them. I feel devastated. I feel like I am second place & not a key person in his life. When we spoke about it he makes out I am over reacting & he's doing it for his family. I don't know if I can get over this, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. I know if I bring it up again it will finish us but my son asked what we were doing for New Year's Eve tonight & I had to tell him we are on our own this time. Am I over reacting? New Year's Eve is an important night for me to spend with the people you love, I can't understand why he doesn't want to be with me

He is spending it with his family
op which is pretty normal and spending it with the PEOPLE HE LOVES. He is not shoving pints down the local pub and leaving you out. He invited you though? Sorry I don't see the problem here? Does he have to run everything past you?

So if you bring up the question again it will finish you? You clearly don't have a strong enough relationship to even be able to talk about NYE plans?! How old are you both?

Yes you are overreacting
I mean insanely overreacting

Personally I think you are being a bit OTT about this. He invited you and you declined. Yes it’s not ideal and you should have perhaps chatted about it first but I’m not sure it’s worth ending a relationship over unless there is more to this story that you haven’t shared.

I actually don't think you're being unreasonable here at all. After 5 years of spending every NYE eith his family, you'd think you could have one together or doing something else. Add that to the fact that he made the plans without asking you. I wouldn't be happy.

I don't think you're over reacting. Your DP planned NYE without even so much as asking you? I would also feel left out and hurt if my husband just went ahead and planned a seasonal day of importance without even discussing it with me at all.

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'd think it perfectly reasonable to expect to see in the new year with my partner.

He’s invited you. Be gracious and accept the invite and stop getting him to have to choose between you and his family. Not nice

Is there more to this?

He did discuss it with you. He invited you. You said no. I can't see what he's done wrong. Your DC will probably love having you to themselves for an evening (and it is only one night).

If I'm right, he's made plans with his family this year having spent last year with you, invited you, and you've declined because 2 years ago his Mum said you needn't come (in a context we know nothing of). And now you're upset.

I think you're over-reacting.

If my DP wanted to spend NYE with his family (and he could well have this year as they've not all been together for some time) then I'd either accept the invitation to join him, or not and make my own plans. No big deal.

I agree with the other posters, you were invited but have declined.

Why don't you do your own little NYE get together for a few friends and family?

Ok I've not been clear. He made his decision without discussing it with me & then invited me afterwards. I thought plans should be discussed in a relationship

I know if I bring it up again it will finish us

This from your OP stands out to me. It doesn't matter whether you're actually being unreasonable or not. If you discuss your feelings it'll end your relationship? Fuck that.

OP, I still don't see that he's done anything wrong, sorry. He decided he was going to see his family and he asked you if you would like to come too and you declined - he doesn't need to discuss it with you and get your permission first! Can you genuinely not see that?

What did you do on NYE before you met him?

@Neveragain85

Ok I've not been clear. He made his decision without discussing it with me & then invited me afterwards. I thought plans should be discussed in a relationship

The main thing is that you think that and he doesn't. Nobody has done anything wrong, but your opinions are incompatible.

Is this a pattern (aside from New Year plans each year), or a one off?

He is his own person. He is spending time with his family. Your reaction is stifling.

Can you use this opportunity to spend time with your own family?

I would say that someone you have been in a relationship with for 5 years is also family.
His deciding first then informing and inviting concerns me, the lack of discussion.
If he didn't see his family at Christmas or they live far away or are seldom seen ... that's a bit different.
And I too would feel unwelcome if his mother had been so discouraging.

5 years in, I would also expect to discuss New Year plans before baking them in, even if we did ultimately end up spending them apart (but in fact we never have). I think he’s been thoughtless and the thing with his mum is weird. But that said, since he has invited you, I don’t see it as a major slight. Just thoughtlessness. Does he spend most of his time with you?

He spent last year with you and your kids. Why wouldn’t he spend this one with his family? You’ve been invited.

Tbh I think you’re massively overreacting.