Come and obsess with me. Be my Cathy and Claire.

[Dogfacepacer]

(For those too young, they wrote the problem page in Jackie magazine and nothing was beyond the scope of their expertise.)

So, what I’d like to know is, how much is my boyfriend into me?

I’m a bit paranoid at the best of times so here’s the raw data. If I wasn’t wiped out with NightNurse and a cold I’d make up a Jackie-style multiple choice quiz which would answer definitively, but anyway…

The data:
Says “I love you” but not often, only quietly and usually if he thinks I’m upset.

Bought me items for Christmas which exactly match his - think Harold and Hilda style body warmers

Took me to his sporty-thing Christmas party

Told his bez mate that I really get him and he can be himself around me

Made me some artisanal type things for Christmas

Sent some special interest stuff for my child (has ASD and is really into this particular thing)

But…

Seems less keen to see me than I am to see him

Haven’t met his kids yet

Goes a bit quiet sometimes even though he knows I get a bit insecure and paranoid

Bit vague about future plans (this does my head in)

Not as touchy feely as me.

Been together since summer.

Cathy and Claire, what do you think? Is there a spell? Can someone do our star patterns? Should I buy Heather Shimmer? Help me! I am 51 and a half.

(Also I’ve namechanged, as I’m quite a serious up my own arse poster usually)

How long have you known him/been together? And how did you meet? That might help to give a bit of context.

Oh sorry, just seen you said summer

I’d say in that case it’s still pretty early days, so I wouldn’t be worrying too much yet. When you say he doesn’t seem as keen to see you, does he have other things going on, or just chooses to be home alone instead of at your house?

I think it’s early days, especially during a pandemic. But if he says nice things about you to his friend and he’s got you Howard and Hildering already, these are good signs.

A slick of Heather Shimmer should seal the deal 😉

He likes doing his hobbies. I like to have things set in stone in the diary whereas he’s more “let’s see what happens” ish which I find unnerving. We talk loads though, on the phone and in person. We don’t live nearby.

@SoonbeSpringtime I’ll do a combo of heather shimmer and some Dewberrry from the bodyshop.

Plus maybe a basic spell?

Sounds better than lovebombing or him being fake. I would be acting like him too. Cautiously optimistic

Thankyou. I am too. I’m just given to insecurity. I always imagine the worst. That’s my stuff though, not his.

I think it sounds promising, although I would swap the Dewberry for White Musk.

It sounds fine to me, nice even. (I personally would struggle in a LTR like this, but this is very early days no?)

I do think loads of guys get stuck at this level and can't seem to go deeper emotionally even in longer term relationships, so if one day if you want more you might be out on your own.

I thought of Cathy and Claire the other day. Now I've seen it written down. Synchronicity ?

I bought Heather Shimmer recently again, for myself and my daughter, she loves it too!

@user1493494961

I think it sounds promising, although I would swap the Dewberry for White Musk.

Never mind that, stock up on Impulse. Boots have got one called True Love 😁

This is all very positive. We have had a talk on the phone this morning (cheap rate, sat on the stairs using code in case anyone could hear) and chatted about the first time we Did It Properly. And how we had only gone to First Base on the first couple of dates.

Oh God, I act like this sometimes too.

When you're 50 years old you shouldn't really be doing flowcharts on the Internet to answer 'how much does this guy like me?'

However, I'm sure you know in your heart of heart that if you're asking questions of Cathy and Claire, he's probably not the love of your life.

But Cathy and Claire know EVERYTHING.

There was another column called Jo’s diary I think. They changed the ghost writer at some point and it went crap.

And one week they did a poster of Green from Scritti Pollitti.

Go the the Clockhouse in C&A. Close your eyes, point your hand infront of you and spin around. Whatever skirt you are pointing to, that is the magical item that will make sure you are 'going steady'. You pay for it in cash, go to a phone box and phone him to make a date. Don't forget to put a bit of Lipcote on that Heather Shimmer. He might 'try it on' and you will need to write it all down in your lockable diary with multi coloured pens.

Lipcote!!!!!!! Wow! That really stung AND went all murky in the bottle!

I’ll phone him but only until I get the pips.

I think we will be ok because when I wrote his name above mine, and crossed out all the same letters and vowels and stuff, the letters that were left were an even number. And also both our mums are Libra.

Am saving up for some special lipstick which looks green But magically changes colour to pink. Awesome. Got to go. Have only used one can of Inset hairspray today so will try and pinch my sisters.

Dear Dogfacepacer,
You should not be going the whole way with your boyfriend until you are sure of your relationship with him.
Try cleansing your face with Buf-Puf and applying some Corn Silk.
Miss Selfridge has a nice range of make-up you might like to try if you'd like to try a new look.
A feather cut is all the rage and might make your fella fall for you.
Cathy

PS. Try the Harmony Hairspray after tonging

@Dogfacepacer

This is all very positive. We have had a talk on the phone this morning (cheap rate, sat on the stairs using code in case anyone could hear) and chatted about the first time we Did It Properly. And how we had only gone to First Base on the first couple of dates.

I'm not sure whether to report this topic to HQ now because any fool knows morning phone calls are off limits. It's after 6 o'clock for cheap rate and only if the bill payer is satisfied as to why you need to talk tonight and it can't wait until outside Boots at 2 o'clock on Saturday

my silence could possibly be purchased by a gift of some Damson Dust and a stick of Hide N Heal

I’ve only let him have a side-feel through my tank top. I kept my blouse tucked right into my pencil skirt, tucked into white tights.

Feather cuts are not where it’s at here. As I type I’m doing a Poly perm. I had streaks done last week and the cap hurt but beauty is suffering isn’t it?