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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Copy Cat! Help!

25 replies

JeyK · 28/12/2021 19:55

Hey guys, just going to give you some background on the situation so please bear with me.

Cut a long story short, I am a single mother of a 15 month old I’m 26 and tbh I think I’ve adjusted to parenthood with no problems so far I am so grateful. I recently got a restraining order out on my daughters dad because of the abuse I had been going through over the past three years but I am now free of that and very much happy with my life and excited of what the future holds.. (also I’m extremely spiritual and since my situation I’ve definitely turned to spirituality more).

During my horrific relationship with narcissistic ex I came across a few mistresses (as you do LOL) one of them being a girl a few years older than myself. We had a few mutual friends, we spoke on several occasions and she had only been messing about with my ex for a few weeks before I found out (this was before I fell pregnant and once again during my pregnancy). I’ll be honest after my break up this year I found it very hard to come to terms with things so I did used to occasionally look at her page now and again but this was at the start. I feel like it’s normal to do those things but there is definitely a limit and if you find yourself doing it over a long period of time there is definitely a problem! Fast forward to this year summer they have both been completely out of sight out of mind (they haven’t spoken since two years ago) .. I do remember when speaking to the girl her saying that she felt we looked very similar and had a lot of similarities which I feel was true to an extent but I felt that she used to overdo it like we were twins or something. Which I thought was weird. I also now feel like her reason for copying me is nothing to do with my ex as that was so long ago now.

Anyways I went through my whole healing journey and spiritual awakening a few months back. I’m like a different person now. that bad situation has changed me for the better and I see life completely differently (in a good way) and if you knew me then you can see the growth is just evident. A lot of people come to me and tell me they’re inspired by me and that they’ve noticed my progress which really makes me feel good as it hasn’t been easy at all. anyways one of our mutual friends on social media started noticing that the girl would copy my posts as soon as I uploaded them or a day or so after. Guys! when I say copy that’s not me being up my own arse thinking I’m original. I mean blatant copying from outfits, hairstyles, poses, interior decor my spirituality aesthetic. EVERYTHING. I wish I could upload pictures to show you guys the blatant copying in comparison it’s damn right SCARY!!! She is also a model/video vixen Who has nearly 80,000 followers and I don’t even have 800. Not that it matters but to me it also seems like she’s trying to steal my flair and put it to her audience as I’m not in the limelight.

Anyways I’m at a point right now where I really want to address her especially because we’re going into the New Year.. I really just want her to stop But I don’t want to come across as forceful. everybody says imitation is a sign of flattery but it gets to a point where it feels like my identity is being stolen.. I just wanted advice on my next move because I’m such a genuine person I really just wanted to approach her and kind of let her know I’ve noticed what’s going on and help her be herself and if she ever wants to come to me with advice that I would be open to help her..

to be honest I would just like to message this to her but do you think that that’s weird? I know I should ignore it but it’s so blatant I feel like I don’t even want to upload content because it’s giving her a new idea and I haven’t addressed it yet.. should I just be open and honest with her whilst being kind or just put my big girl knickers on and deal with it but it is really annoying considering the circumstances of the situation.

Any input would be appreciated thanks guys! xxx

OP posts:
bigbeatmanifesto · 28/12/2021 19:59

How weird, I'd post something about unoriginal people being superficial and boring & see if she copies it Grin other than that I'd definitely privatising my posts from now on she's definitely stalking yours socials if it's as blatant as you put it.
Block her from everything she will have no choice but to stop.

Alcemeg · 28/12/2021 20:00

Loving "my spirituality aesthetic" 🤣

Don't say anything, just start dressing really really REALLY weird and see how far she'll go.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 28/12/2021 20:06

I would block her and move on.

SunflowerTed · 28/12/2021 20:09

Bigger things to worry about

CavernousScream · 28/12/2021 20:12

Just block her

JeyK · 28/12/2021 20:15

@SunflowerTed I know this.. it’s just that I have big plans next year in terms of my career etc and I’ve never had to hide what I’m doing so just makes me nervous about announcing my next move. Definitely got bigger fish to fry but I just wanted another opinion on it.

OP posts:
JeyK · 28/12/2021 20:18

@reallyworriedjobhunter @CavernousScream unfortunately I had her blocked for almost a year and this was when the copying started it’s not hard to make fake profiles in this day and age believe me..

OP posts:
LittleBirdBlu · 28/12/2021 20:21

This is such a ridiculous post. Who cares what she does, I think you're being quite precious and you should probably just ignore it.

JeyK · 28/12/2021 20:26

@LittleBirdBlu okay not ridiculous enough for you to take time to comment though.. fortunately Mumsnet isn’t always about life or death situations some of us don’t have a large support system and turn to forums for help :)

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2021 20:32

Tbh I would probably make a youtube video about it im a 'haha how funny' way and let my followers have a laugh. Then hopefully some of them would point it out on her videos. Hit content stealers where it hurts-on their content.

And of course, block her.
Definately don't message her. She is a narcissist, narcissists have no sense of self, rhat why they take bits and pieces of other people. Especially women they consider their competition.

Polmuggle · 28/12/2021 20:32

How is she seeing your content to copy it?

RosieGuacamosie · 28/12/2021 20:36

I’m such a genuine person I really just wanted to approach her and kind of let her know I’ve noticed what’s going on and help her be herself and if she ever wants to come to me with advice that I would be open to help her..

to be honest I would just like to message this to her but do you think that that’s weird?

Yes I think it’s weird. Does it really matter?

JeyK · 28/12/2021 20:37

@Pinkbonbon different perspective.. I love it. And your so right I was getting narcissist vibes from her tbh but just put it down to maybe she was jealous of me but now I can see she actually has no identity. And it’s true you don’t give those sort of people your time. Thank you xx

OP posts:
JeyK · 28/12/2021 20:38

@Polmuggle well I have an Instagram page and it’s not on private because of the work I do I leave my page on open so I can network with other people.

OP posts:
JeyK · 28/12/2021 20:39

@RosieGuacamosie no you’re right I did think it was weird to reach out hence why I came on here to get another opinion. Truth is it doesn’t really matter but it just really irritated me to the extent she was copying me like even the way I was placing my hair ffs it’s like get over me AND yourself!

OP posts:
JeyK · 28/12/2021 20:42

@RosieGuacamosie tbh I don’t think a lot of people will be able to relate to my frustration unless it’s happened to them personally.. but imagine one of your ex partners lowlife side bitches copying you years after the whole thing even happened. Tell me that wouldn’t piss you off.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2021 20:54

I've had it happen to me with someone I thought was a friend. At first it was little things like maybe buying a bag I said I wanted. Then it progressed to flirting with anyone I liked, taking up my hobbies and trying to one up me on them, asking if the place I worked shop floor needed managers ect...

Just so incidious the way it krept up on me and the became so blatant and I honestly never saw it coming because I thought she was a friend and also, you just don't think ppl do this shit. I excused it at first in so many ways but the truth is its not about insecurity, she was just a vile human who lacked any substance of her own and so had to take from others. The emphasis on TAKE as they fully intend to Rob you of you. It's not about their own growth. It's about them getting one Iver on someone they are insanely jealous of for having substance.

So I totally get it. And I'd imagine its worse in that she is also stealing your content.

People who haven't had these people in their lives don't get it. It's fucking creepy.

JeyK · 28/12/2021 21:01

@Pinkbonbon your speaking to my soul right now lmao. I literally just went through what you’re describing with my ex best friend of 10 years. In September I cut her off because I realise that her envy and jealousy was affecting our relationship. I had been through the worst and when I was finally started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel she was not happy for me and then I started putting two and two together. The evil eye has been there from the start I just didn’t realise & Once you do! it doesn’t take long for the rest to fall into place does it.. what it boils down to is that those people aren’t happy with themselves so they will never be happy for anybody else. they may want you to do good but never better than them.

All of this while stealing bits and bobs from your personality and journey expecting the same results. Yuck. Tbh once you deal with one narcissist I feel like it highlights all the other ones around you!

Thank you so much for your relatable insight I appreciate it

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2021 21:06

Absolutely about it all just clicking! And you're like, why didn't I see this before!?

And yeah now we can definitely see their sort elsewhere too. Because we know the formulae ;)

Calamitydrayne · 28/12/2021 21:07

How about you join her page and every time she copies something just link back to the original pictures from your page without saying a word. Or try posting something ridiculously tasteless that you wouldn't be seen dead having in your house and if she copies it she'll be undermining her own following by looking cheap and tacky.

LadyExpecting93 · 28/12/2021 21:08

This is mad. I'd be worried and flattered at the same time. If your Instagram is public try putting up a public story ever now and again and see if the same fake profile (who doesn't follow you) keeps looking at your story... that will tell you. Colleen Rooney springs to mind lol

JeyK · 28/12/2021 21:13

@LadyExpecting93 lmao this is exactly how I started realising that it was her watching my page because I had her profile blocked and the same fake profile was watching me every single day for months on end. this was when it all started. Some scary ladies out there for sure.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/12/2021 21:14

Set your Instagram to private.
Don't accept followers you don't know.
Problem solved.

LadyExpecting93 · 28/12/2021 21:42

[quote JeyK]@LadyExpecting93 lmao this is exactly how I started realising that it was her watching my page because I had her profile blocked and the same fake profile was watching me every single day for months on end. this was when it all started. Some scary ladies out there for sure.[/quote]
That is mad OP, look after yourself... Maybe make your social accounts private and see if anything changes.

Malibuismysecrethome · 29/12/2021 06:16

If it’s as bad as you say this could get dangerous. It’s stalker territory. I think you need to protect yourself and your image and ideas. She is feeding off you at the moment.

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