Anyone utterly down during second year of separation despite being thrilled the first year ..?

[yukkyyankeecandles]

This is me.
This last year has been horrendous.
I'm sad, angry, drained and basically struggling the raise my children, run our home and work full time.
I was elated year one probably because I was rid of him in every way, despite him leaving due to affair.
I have a lovely boyfriend of 18 months, great friends/ family and job.
What's wrong with me ??!!!

Were you married for a long time? I am in the second year of a separation and like you I was elated the first year to no longer have to deal with his shit every day. The past six months I have been feeling low though despite everything going well in my life. I was married for 20 years and I think I'm in mourning for the loss of that relationship, which was such a big part of my life for so long, even though it became totally toxic. Maybe it's a common experience? I expect it will pass in time.

Yes together nearly twenty years.
The reality of being essentially a single
Mother while working full time and being let down by ex is really hurting me.
I see happy families all round me and sometimes feel like a pariah.
I feel like a fool for draining every inch of
Myself for my husband and family and putting up with a lazy , scrounging, coercive man child who does not give two fucks for his kids and is controlled by his partner.
I cry for the rejection my Children feel by their father, how they are always second choice to his partner and her children.

I'm sad, angry, drained and basically struggling the raise my children, run our home and work full time.

Without wishing to dismiss the extra stresses of your relationship breakdown, a certain portion of this may just be "second year pandemic fatigue". I often feel overwhelmed, a bit pathetic and somewhat unable to cope...

I have a lovely boyfriend of 18 months, great friends/ family and job.

...despite having a fantastic husband who is extremely hands on, supportive family, two healthy children and a cleaner. Plus I'm a SAHP so I (am made to) feel iie I should be on top of things! (Granted I currently have a newborn but I felt like this before she came along too.)

2021 was a bit pants! Not my favourite year.

...so we should all be kind to ourselves just for getting through it, IMO.

I completely empathise and for me a lot of it is just utter exhaustion. Could it be that?

Being a single mum who also works 40 hours a week and has no family support, juggling everything, including mediation and divorce stuff, house moves, financial stresses and dick of an ex, who also puts his new girlfriend above his kids... I think after 2 years I've just maxed out on my ability to cope.
I'm moving next month (ex got the house and is moving back in with the new GF) but then money should be less tight so I'm hoping to reduce my hours a little bit and see if that helps. I desperately need some self care too... I don't get time to exercise anymore and that is having a huge impact.

Could you make any changes to help you cope better? X

Don't underestimate the effect of the pandemic, OP. It's made a lot of us feel that life is generally crap, despite our best efforts.

I give myself no time for me... to eat healthily, exercise , sleep . That's probably a large part of it.
Battling with an ex who tries anything and everything to get out of his commitments to his kids

I had six months of elation and have been utterly devasted the last month. I think it's just grief for the life I thought I was going to have and am now not. The crapness of all the logistics of housing and divorce is just overwhelming, partnered with the fact that he's recently found someone else which is just a head fuck...

Struggling to focus on the end goal at the moment.

In my experience, it got better after year two. I used to say that if I’d known how hard it would be for two years, I’d have made the wrong choices. Fast forward years and years and I am a different person. I truly believe you will be as happy as me too. Hang on in there

Thanks for support. Hard to see wood for trees lately ❤️