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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He has a 'girlfriend'

17 replies

dinkidot · 28/12/2021 18:48

So I met a man just over a month ago. We have been messaging back and forth since. He has told me he likes me and asked me out on a date. We had one planned for after Christmas as I've been busy in the run up, but as I met him and his friends on a night out with my friends, we've met up as groups several times and sort of merged friends over Christmas as we live local. We haven't slept together but we have kissed etc.

We met up on Boxing Day and his mate mentioned a girlfriend in passing when he was walking up ahead. So I asked him. He said he didn't have a girlfriend and finally admitted he is 'seeing someone' but since he met me he likes me and wants to see what happens. I said I didn't want to speak to him and he left the pub in a strop. His mates then revealed he had told them that I knew all along about this girl, and had down played us messaging to me messaging him about meeting up with his friends and nothing else. I sent him a text saying what they had said and that I felt sorry for this girlfriend. He's never replied to this.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm aware that we aren't a 'thing' and that unless you're exclusive people can do as they wish. And if I knew he was just messaging or going on dates with someone I would probably have to put my big girl pants on. But the fact his mates refer to her as a girlfriend, and he had to pretend to them that we weren't anything, im going to assume that this isn't someone he's just gone out with a few times?

Im now just overthinking and analysing. A male friend said that if it isn't an official girlfriend then maybe he really did mean that he liked me and would've ended it once we'd been on dates etc and that perhaps I should give him a chance.

But I just feel it's all VERY shady. He had told me that his mate liked me and so to keep us on the 'down low' from him. But clearly this was the reason. It feels a little bit calculated to be honest and the fact he's not even tried to defend himself once he's sobered up would suggest to me that he doesn't have one. Although I didn't particularly welcome any defence.

Anyway have I been too hasty or am I right? I'm really just venting to be honest. I was quite laid back about the situation so I didn't expect to feel quite so crappy about this boy but I feel like a bit of a fool Sad

OP posts:
lomoloko · 28/12/2021 18:50

Get rid of this shady character and don't look back. Lucky escape!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/12/2021 18:52

Fuck no of course you're not being hasty!

*He lied to you
*He lied to his mates (who sound fed up of it)
*He lied to his girlfriend

Bullet dodged - I'd personally send his friend a big thank you for the heads up!!!

HacerSonarSusPasos · 28/12/2021 18:55

Why are you second guessing yourself? He lied. He's probably a cheater too. In the bin he goes!

MarineBlue33 · 28/12/2021 19:00

He admitted that he is seeing someone else and he is kissing you.
Nah
You deserve better. Get rid.

Hawkins001 · 28/12/2021 19:14

All the best op,

Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2021 19:14

Shady as fuck.
And the same for that guy 'friend' of yours, what a snake. Trying to convince you to settle for some other guys bullshit. Pathetic. And not your friend.

SunflowerTed · 28/12/2021 19:15

He’s a cheat

KirstenBlest · 28/12/2021 19:17

He's probably been with his girlfriend for years and she willhave no idea.
Get rid, he's a cheater

JackTheHack · 28/12/2021 19:20

Blokes love to have a couple on the go don't they? Like looking for a picnic spot, there maybe something better round the corner

LadyExpecting93 · 28/12/2021 19:22

Keeping his options open, leave him

Branleuse · 28/12/2021 19:24

Fuck that for a laugh. Not interested in liars

Allsortsofroses · 28/12/2021 19:25

You are right.

username1293948 · 28/12/2021 19:30

please please do yourself a favour and never contact him again. he’s using you in his sick game to see who who prefers best!!!! even if he chooses you, why would you want someone who didn’t see enough potential in you to not be seeing someone at the same time as you.

dinkidot · 28/12/2021 19:30

Oh thanks so much everyone! It's so easy to second guess yourself when you're feeling a bit sad and thinking MAYBE it might have been a positive outcome but you know deep down when someone's wrong un, it just helps to hear others say it!! Back to the drawing board, dating is hard 😂😂

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2021 19:31

And he has a girlfriend. He just backtracked and downplayed it when he realised you overheard.

I don't care if someone is 'just' seeing someone. How dare they presume they can kiss me when not only are they doing that, but also, I know nothing about it.

He's a scumball.

Uniforn · 28/12/2021 19:31

Dating is horrendous these days, but yes run!

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 28/12/2021 19:33

No way! Having a girlfriend that all of his friends know about is not the same as going on other dates before you're exclusive. If she wasn't that significant to him, he wouldn't have had to lie about things with you to his friends. He hasn't replied as he knows he's been caught out by several parties. What could he really say that would change anything?

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