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Original poster

Was I wrong to get annoyed? (long)

20 replies

MrsSnape · 21/12/2007 10:30

My sister is overweight. She's 13 and weighs over 13 stone.

Anyway my mum is quite old fashioned and my sister doesnt give a shit what she wears as she's been brought up old fashioned too and has no friends to actually guide her.

Anyway they wanted something modern for her to wear for a school trip today so I went into town with my mum to find her something.

She insisted on going to buy some jeans that were blatently designed with old people in mind from Jonathon James. They were cotton rather than demin with elasticated waist and a draw string, no shape to the legs at all and were £8. I gave my honest opinion that they were hidious. My mum said "yeah but they have elasticated waist which is what she needs" so I said she didnt need elasticated waist, she just needed a bigger size and if she was insisting on elasticated waists she wouldnt get modern jeans.

So she begrudgingly put them back and asked me where we should look. I suggested Next and she pulled a face and said "hmm...they're all small sizes in there" - what she meant was she didnt want to pay their prices which annoys me because they're not short of money by a long shot.

I said not all the sizes were small so we went in, I picked up a size 18 and my mum said they looked too small and the waist was too low...they were not hipsters but my mum insisted she needed jeans that fit OVER her belly...so basically went up to her rib cage. I said she would never find modern jeans like that.

Anyway she also wanted a jumper for her, In next there was a lovely green wooly one...my mum said sister wouldnt wear it as it had a high neck she made a bee-line for BHS and picked up some granny jumpers, I said no, she said "but they're only £12..." so I said they were for people on a pension, that's why. She then picked up some drawstring, cream coloured troursers for my sister which were OBVIOUSLY for old people, I told her no, she got snappy with me and said she couldnt afford Next. I said she didnt HAVE to go to Next.

We went in New Look and I pointed out a nice jumper, my mum said "oh yes, that is nice..." she then looked at the price, pulled a face and said "it's £20!" and put it back

We went to top-shop and there was nothing in there so I suggested Peacocks. We went around, my mum pulling faces at everything until finally I picked up a pair of dark blue denim jeans. My mum said "they wont fit, they dont have elasticated waists" so I snapped and said "she doesnt need elasticated waists! size 20...here...if they dont fit her then there is something wrong".

She begrudgingly bought them along with a black jumper I shoved into her basket. Took them home. My sister got back from school at 3.15pm. I left it until 9pm and then phoned to ask if they fitted and my mum said "oh I dunno, she's not tried them on yet" then she said she felt I was snappy and bad tempered around the shops and if I didnt want to go I shouldve said! so was I in the wrong??

OP posts:

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 21/12/2007 10:33

I think you should take your sister shopping and leave your mum out of it Take her to the sales as a post Christmas treat.

hertsnessex · 21/12/2007 10:33

are you pissed off your sis is overweight?? it sounds like it.

i dont think you were wrong to try and help and it sounds as though your mum was being a bit tight, but perhaps it could have been approached better.

themoon66 · 21/12/2007 10:34

Blimey. How frustrating for you. Have you tried taking your sister out shopping without your mum in tow? Maybe try TKMaxx... nice quality stuff if you are prepared to dig around, and not expensive either. Why don't you and your sister have a girlie day out shopping?

Maidamess · 21/12/2007 10:35

Your poor sister! You were doing a lovely thing and trying to bring her into the 21st century.

Drawstring waists! OMG. There are so many trendy clothes for bigger girls, and they are not expensive. Could you suggest just you and your sister go shopping next time?

Asda has some dead cheap trendy gear for bigger girls. And hopefully not a drawstring in sight.

Your Mum needs to realise there is no point spending £20 on an awful outfit your sis will not wear. Better to spend £20 on a half decent pair of jeans she will wear all the time. Good luck!

foxinsocks · 21/12/2007 10:38

I think shopping with your mum or your sister or quite frankly, any member of family must be bloody stressful so you were probably on a hiding to nothing even going with her!

I don't know - I'm tempted to say 'it's not your problem' because it isn't but I understand how you feel you want to help her.

I think when you're having a shit time yourself, things like this take on a bigger significance because it contributes to you feeling crap so I'd try and put it out of your mind. You've done your bit and helped get some half decent clothes for her and whether she wheres them/likes them or not is now out of your hands!

foxinsocks · 21/12/2007 10:39

wheres lol WEARS!

Lauriefairycake · 21/12/2007 10:39

I think everything you chose was entirely appropriate and sounded lovely and that its just plain wrong of your mum to dry to dress her like an old granny.

Your sis is going to need you a lot more as she grows up. Bear in mind that this is going to be very frustrating dealing with your mum on shopping trips, can you buy your sis 'cool' christmas presents and enlist other members of the family to buy vouchers for birthday and christmas.

She's really lucky to have a great sis like you

Lauriefairycake · 21/12/2007 10:41

I'm that weight and can easily shop cheaply - jeans are £12 in sizes 16-26 (the Hula ones, Inspire range) in large branches of New Look. They came with a wide gold belt and they are stretch so nice and comfy.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 21/12/2007 10:45

Thanks It's just so annoying. I know I should take a step back and let them get on with it but its so...grrrr

Im not annoyed that she's overweight, I'm annoyed because they just dont help her. I'm sick of hearing "right, we're definately going to go on a diet from next week" and it never happens. My mum and stepdad are both overweight too...it seems obvious to me, only get healthy stuff in and surely they'll all lose weight??! but then my mum says "yeah but its not fair to george, he likes his crisps and biscuits, why should he have to go without?"

The clothes is just another thing where they cant be arsed. I said to her you want to be thankful that she's not one of these kids that demands designer everything! £20 for a nice jumper is NOT expensive...even for me and I'm on income support (not by choice).

She bought her some cheap elasticated waist jeans a few weeks ago and they were so crap that after a day of wearing them my sister's stomach was blue from the dye that had rubbed off the waist. Ok so Next is expensive but I can honestly say, none of their stuff has ever turned my skin a different colour and its always lasted for years.

OP posts:

themulledsnowmanneredjanitor · 21/12/2007 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MrsSnape · 21/12/2007 10:49

I told her there are lots of girls my sisters size and bigger and they look lovely in what they wear so the clothes must exist somewhere.

My aunt took her shopping once and bought her nice black trousers with a nice belt and some jewelery and she hardly ever wore them. Insisted on going around in some old jogging suit bottoms instead because they were comfier!

I remember when she was about 7, I went down one time and she had a flowery knee length skirt on (again, old people focussed) and a black jack daniels t-shirt!

OP posts:

SatsumaMoon · 21/12/2007 10:51

Yes agree that you should take your sis shopping without your mum in future - your mum doesn't have to spend ££ to help you sister look nice, just be better at choosing things that suit her/are more modern

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 21/12/2007 10:53

Yes, are you able to take her shopping and give her a bit of a confidence boost along the way? it sounds almost as though her mum/your mum wants her to stay that way, wants to keep her'in the club' as if she starts looking outside the home for inspiration and having confidence, they will feel vulnerable themselves...does that make sense? The overweight daughter she is now, is something they are clinging to. It sounds like your mum sees the part of herself she doesn't like in your sister, and is using her to keep that part outside herself - dressing her resentfully and in appalling outfits is a way of your mum hating herself.

It's horribly unfair, sounds like your sis is carrying it too. She needs to be given an alternative. I think you are the only one who can help fwiw.

WanderingHolly · 21/12/2007 11:00

Your sister sounds like quite a young 13 - I think that's a good thing.

What does she think?

kittylouise · 21/12/2007 11:08

Think you are very kind to be so considerate, and I can imagine how frustrating that must have been.

Have you got a Primark or Matalan around you? Or an Ethel Austin (don't laugh, they do some good stuff nowadays).

ninedragons · 21/12/2007 11:14

Twinkly said exactly what I was thinking.

Sounds to me like your mum is undermining your sister by making damn sure she doesn't have any clothing that she feels fab in.

coldtits · 21/12/2007 11:19

STEP IN!!!!! Don't let her do to your sister what my mum did to me, insisted I "Hide my belly" behind massive baggy clothes and granny trousers! Give her some idea of what is fashionable and what will suit her - she may not have the slightest idea of how to look feminine! I didn't. Certainly she will need you in the next 5 years.

How tall is she? I am 14.5 stone and 5'3 and a size 18 (massive boobs though, and proportionately small bum) so there is no way a 13 stone girl should be doing without nice clothes!

Lauriefairycake · 21/12/2007 11:29

I'm the same size as coldtits (bet I can beat her on the giant tit front)

and I think I look great today - purple vneck jumper, nice dark jeans, purple boots, purple eyeliner

for your mum to be even talking to her about dieting is pretty awful - she's plump cos they are, cos they eat junk - its not like she's old enough to just turn round and only eat fruit and veg and 'deman' to be fed properly - its hard enough for adults to eat properly never mind some poor teenager with a mother like that.

scrummyfairyontopofthetree · 21/12/2007 11:40

I bet she would love it if you took her shopping and have some girly time. I bet with the right clothes she would look slimmer anyway without dieting, although eating healthy is always a good thing 95% of the time.

coldtits · 21/12/2007 13:12

Black v neck 3/4 length sleeve longish tops are always flattering, and stylish enough for every day. Ditto black boot cut or wide leg stretch trousers.

those black tops are 7 quid in DPs. The black trousers are (or were) part of asda basic range!! You don't have to be loaded to be reasonably smartly and flatteringly dressed.

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