I am really sorry in advance this may be long.
I have been with my partner nearly 2 year, I am use to parents living with me in my home. Me and my first sons dad was married and then My youngest dad moved into my house. We both have had bad experiences with our ex's cheating and putting us into debt. My partner was living in a two bedroom flat (his daughters visit every Sunday and Monday.) me and my kids in the end have been staying pibabky 5 nights a week at his. We have dinner at my house (he works until 10pm) and bath and in pjs then literally go over to sleep. They sleep in his daughters room when they aren't there when they are we make up beds. I have to drive 20 minutes to get there: anyways.. he has now bought a 4 bed house so his kids have w room each and their is a guest room which my kids stay in. I have literally helped with the house move, done a majority in my own in the end as he's just been diagnosed with a groin hernia. Now though although I still have a key when it comes to Sunday and we are leaving to stay at my house and I'm like I will see you when,, he's just like I'll check my work rota and what's happening with work and things. I just don't know if I am perhaps being paranoid. He is also saying he wants help with the fuel costs extra for the house: but I am the one who drives to his house; I shower at his sometimes but I cook my kids tea and do their baths at my house. I obviously can't afford to run my house and the extra fuel to see him plus also give him money. He has a well paid job extra bu my he's saying his costs have gone up. But do have mine. We can't afford for me to move in as my wages wouldn't cover what I would need to pay towards the bills let alone then the stuff my kids need: I also need the stability of my house for my kids.
Christmas my kids went to their dads, he didn't have his kids so we went good shopping. I had £45 in vouchers I had saved from Tesco so I spent that and the rest of the shopping was £80 so he started to whinge when I went ti take some of the bits back ti mine so I sent him money towards the £80! I was meant ti pick the kids up at 4.30 Boxing Day so would have had Christmas lunch with him and his girls Boxing Day before getting my kids. However I had to collect one early. So I spent all this money on food for what. As I didn't take my son back because his kids were doing presents abs thungs and I would have felt horrid my son watching. He's now whinging that he thought Christmas would be different this year and he wouldn't have just been him and his girls yet he never said to go back with my son once they have opened presents.
My birthday he didn't come over as it's like a £50 taxi ride when he finished, I threw my toys out the Pram and said I don't want to celebrate anymore so quite literally we never did. I knew the gifts he bought me (as he hit them in Disney) but never gave them to me.. abs then for Christmas gave me other bits instead of these items from Disney. We have had his birthday and I spent hundreds, as bought bite over the year, took him out for a meal with his kids, am I just wasting my time or am I expecting too much. He's the type of dad though who although has the money too only spends £50 on the kids Christmas and is nothing extravagant because he feels they don't need it and it's a waste: he's very frugal et times. So him buying me one main present and a couple little things I y ferstand couke just be the way he does things.
He's also got me onto fetlife and I have been talkimh to someone in there who can seem to offer me what I want, without even me saying the things I look for in a relationship. I just don't know whether this is swaying my judgment or what.
I like to live with someone, I like their full attention, I just don't quite get why he's keeping me distant atm: I have a key to the house and he always rings me when he's on his way home and sends me photos that he's in his own, as I freak out due to my ex. And he knows how that all feels too.
My head feels a mess, I am meant to be his Domme etc but all that is just out the window right now because I just don't know where I fit in anymore. I feel he has this house and everything has changed and I don't like it: I hate not feeling as wanted anymore x