If you are single, for whatever reason other, have you accepted it?

[Parksad]

It’s that pondering time of year again!

My dh died nearly 5 years ago now, and I will never be in a relationship again. I mean I suppose I might if one came knocking at my door, but I’m certainly not intending on looking for one.

So it’s my own choice that I will remain alone (that makes it sound as if I could snap my fingers and find a man just like that if I wanted! Don’t mean it like that at all). But I still feel sad that that particular aspect of my life is over.

Does that make sense? And does anyone else feel the same?

Very sorry to read of your dear husband. Not the same circumstance, but I had 2 long term relationships totaling about 10 years, both men cheated and both men were abusive to me. I now feel I would find it very hard to trust again. Sadly, I've had interest, but i just find it hard to get close to anyone.

The other issue is that the second relationship resulted in a child, who no longer has contact with father, making me a lone parent. I have no childcare and child is too young for school etc., so even if I wanted to, I can't actually date anyone. I do find it hard to accept at times, knowing full well her dad certainly doesn't have the same issue. I don't resent the child for it obviously, but just wish I had more support and childcare so that the option would be there if I wanted it.

So, although different, I do understand what you mean. It can be hard at times.

Yes I’ve been single for 5 years, not through choice, I am unable to date, I have accepted it but it still is hard as I’m only early 30s

Sorry for your loss @Parksad 

How old are you OP?

If I was ever parted from my partner. I would hope that she remembers me fondly, but continues with her life, and find love and companionship...or at least not hide from it.

I’m sorry for the rogue “other” in my title!

@MissNothing1991 I understand why you’d find it difficult to trust anyone going forward, and I’m sorry you’ve had the experiences that you have.

@RedCandyApple that sounds like a very difficult situation - and as you say, you’re so young. I hope you’re ok.

Thank you @BasicDad. I’m 57.

I do believe my life is a marathon on not a sprint and there’s a time and a place for everything right now I need to concentrate on my career and my son so everything else is gonna take a back seat but that’s not to say of course that by the time I come out the other side of this and everyone they or I will want them but I’m a huge believer that you can’t force things whenever I’ve gone on online dating or just random blind dates it just never works. Things should happen organically.

I do believe my life is a marathon not a sprint

Marathon can be a good way to properly get where you need to be.

Unfortunately mine's more of an anarchic slapstick egg-and-spoon race.

I used to feel sad about it but I've accepted it now. When I think about being in a relationship it feels me with nothing but dread.
I don't date. I don't talk to men when I'm out and if a man does try to initiate any kind of chat in that area I politely explain I'm not in any way looking for anything regular or committed, not now or in the future.
My friends think one day I'll meet the one and be happy ever after so I've given up explaining that isn't going to happen.
I've been single for 5 years after a particularly bad relationship and at first I thought I'll heal then I'll get back out there but lockdown taught me that actually I'm a lot calmer, happier and feel more secure when I'm on my own. This triggered a lot of reflection and analysing of past experiences until finally I decided that's it im done. I deleted the apps, removed certain people from my social media and started to change my thinking from I'm happy being single right now to I'm going to be happy being single forever.
It's strange because once I accepted that A) I'm not very good at relationships
B) I'm happier on my own
C) I don't want to waste one drop of my energy on something that is only half about me when I could pour all of it into making me and my life the best versions of what I want
It all became alot easier. Now I feel liberated and excited rather than sad.

I have been single so long (14 years) I just can’t imagine trying to date now. I am a full lone parent and ds is autistic so it would be hard to find time to date anyone, not much family support.

I did try OLD a few years ago and it was rough going, I found someone that I got along with and seemed lovely but I hadn’t mentioned my son in my profile and one day this guy jokingly described single mums as “used goods” so I’ve been put off from trying it again since. As much as it was upsetting it’s still better to know what men secretly think of you. I’m not sure I could ever get past knowing that again.

I’m just at the end of a relationship with a life long friend and have accepted that this is probably it now for serious relationships for the foreseeable.

I’m late 30s but have realised that I am unlikely to find anyone who can handle my autistic DD’s issues. My STBX is the loveliest, kindest man - everyone seriously loves him and he goes through life collecting friends wherever he goes - so if even he can’t manage it, then it’s hopeless basically.

I’m not sure how to feel about it, mostly I don’t mind but I feel a little sad that I’ll never have anyone to share the burden of life with again. I’m a lone parent and have very few friends but I’m sure it will be ok for the most part.

I've totally embraced it OP. I dont think there is a man for me out there. My ideal man doesn't exist.

Covid has made it difficult to meet people as a lot less people go out now as they have got used to staying in.

I'm late 40s and have been single for 12 years. It suits me perfectly - I can think of nothing a relationship would positively change about my life other than my financial situation and there's a word for that.

I a. In the same situation as uoi @Parksad
My DH died 4 years ago and while it is lonely sometimes most of the time I prefer it .
I am not interested in dating and certainly have no intention at all of living with someone again .

I’ve been single for 24 years since my divorce. I’ve dated but not for the past 9 years. My daughter would love me to meet someone but I’m really not interested in sharing my space anymore. I work and have a social life - and grandchildren! - and I’m more than happy with my lot.
It was never intentional to stay single - just the way it’s worked out.
But if I could have sex for one more time just so the last guy I slept with wasn’t the last guy I slept with …… 🤦‍♀️😂😂😂

I’ve been a single parent for 12 years and now also have a toddler and sometimes it does get me down a bit that I’ll never have a partner and someone to care for and be romantic with. But there are also a lot of positives to being single. Someone always has it worse. Plus you never know what could happen. I don’t really bother on dating apps or anything, but if a nice, gorgeous guy fell from the sky then that would be great. In the meantime I’m very happy planning my own future.

Single 10 years , he broke my heart I tried but it never mended . The physical ache of lonelyness/intimacy is unbareble at times.
Coming from someone who raised two beautiful boys into young men. Has a job I love ,a close family and great friends. You move on you find a new way but some experiances you never fully recover from.

I have totally accepted and embraced my singledom. I love it. I have realised through lots and lots of reflection and unflinching honesty that the only man or whom I ever actually felt what I thought was love, was the one who was toxic in the extreme. The rest of them were beige. I've realised that I completely bought into the patriarchal view that us women need a man to complete us, or to look after us, or to make us somehow respectable. It's absolute nonsense of course and now that my biological clock is no longer ticking and I'm not buying the happy ever after bollocks I have developed insight into how my previous mindset developed.
The fact is I prefer to be in charge of my own life, make my own decisions and not have to fight for equality in my own home.

Not just accepted it, but embraced it. I've been single since my marriage ended in 2012 when I was 34. I can't see myself ever having anything more than a FWB.

@Mocara I feel as you do. That last betrayal nearly killed me and I am still dealing with the pain. I am done. Not remotely interested in investing in another relationship and happy enough to proceed on my own. Im early 50's and just getting to grips with a new single way of being.

I am much happier single. Nothing wrong with it! Beats relationships in my experience.

Yes, I've been single for 10 years now and have accepted that I'll never have a relationship again. I had one serious relationship for almost 4 years in my 20s but nothing since, I've never tried online dating etc...

I'm just not interested in meeting anyone anymore, really happy on my own! Nearly at the age when it will be impossible to have children and honestly feel relieved about it.

Very happily single and choose to continue to be single.

I have been married and divorced twice, and am so much better suited to not being in a romantic relationship. I am just so much happier and at peace.

So no, I don't "accept" it - I actively choose it.

Been single for two years post divorce, early 50s and I can't imagine letting anyone get close enough to have a serious relationship.

I don't think I could live with anyone again, life is good (although my early retirement plans have gone out of the window but better that than staying in a bad marriage).

Widowed eight years ago.
I just commit to making the best of my life whether single or partnered. I am not actively looking for someone, but remain open minded. Life is so short so l refuse to waste it focusing on something l haven' t got. To be honest this set up l have now quite suits me, l have two older teenage sons , we all get on well, we have our own space , routines,.l live a busy, active life, l don't feel l am particulary lacking. I am glad l had the experiance of married life, but l feel its my turn now to simply please myself. l have created a beautiful home and way of life, l have my own back, l don' t depend on anyone for anything and that can be a really powerful and liberating feeling. My sons, pets , friendships and hobbies all bring me joy, and thats enough.

There are a few reasons why I've chosen not to date. One being DV marriage which I'm still healing from a few years on. I date briefly just before the pandemic and was left disappointed, not only by the ones I dated but the sheer number of knobheads out there. I'm also a lone parent so any dating I do do I still need to organise and pay for baby sitter to watch at least DC2.