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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think Iv got the ick

14 replies

lastresortt · 27/12/2021 23:35

Iv been with my partner for 18 years and recently he just makes my skin crawl, the slightest most minimal things are annoying me and making me cringe and I’m struggling to hide it, I feel awful about it as we have 3 children and a happy home but I can’t make these feelings stop, can I rescue this?

OP posts:
Eleganz · 27/12/2021 23:43

Yes I think you can after such a long marriage but it requires directly tackling the issues and perhaps getting some professional support. Do you know when these feelings started? Do they related to particular behaviours? Are there some unresolved conflicts in your marriage?

mrsfollowill · 27/12/2021 23:43

How old are you? I'm in peri- menopause and I feel not only murderous but total ick towards DH but only for one day a month. Then my period starts and I'm OK again for 27 days. If you feel like this most days then I would consider quitting - you cannot carry on long term like this. Flowers Has anything changed recently? You must have fancied him at some point?

Eleganz · 27/12/2021 23:44

Also, if you don't mind me asking, are you of an age where menopause may be on the horizon?

AgathaX · 27/12/2021 23:46

After that amount of time, what's changed?

supersop60 · 27/12/2021 23:50

No solutions, sorry. My DP gave me the ick both times I was pregnant. The way he breathed, the way he swallowed his tea, the way he sucks air through his teeth when he gets to a pause in a phone conversation etc

Original poster
lastresortt · 27/12/2021 23:50

@Eleganz

Also, if you don't mind me asking, are you of an age where menopause may be on the horizon?
I'm 35, we was very young when we first met , I think we've just grown up and become different people, we have little in common, I'm not attracted to him anymore, Iv felt this way for a long time but the feelings are now getting stronger and harder to hide, I don't want to let our children down though
OP posts:
Original poster
lastresortt · 27/12/2021 23:51

@supersop60

No solutions, sorry. My DP gave me the ick both times I was pregnant. The way he breathed, the way he swallowed his tea, the way he sucks air through his teeth when he gets to a pause in a phone conversation etc
It's little things like this really irritating me, what did you do if you don't mind me asking
OP posts:
Original poster
lastresortt · 27/12/2021 23:52

@mrsfollowill

How old are you? I'm in peri- menopause and I feel not only murderous but total ick towards DH but only for one day a month. Then my period starts and I'm OK again for 27 days. If you feel like this most days then I would consider quitting - you cannot carry on long term like this. Flowers Has anything changed recently? You must have fancied him at some point?
I'm 35, it's definitely not hormonal as this feeling stays all the time
OP posts:
Eleganz · 27/12/2021 23:54

@lastresortt thanks for sharing some more information. This is quite different to what you initially described as being a recent thing.

It might be solvable but as you've had these feelings and issue for much longer it will be much more difficult.

I suggest a relationship counsellor to help you see if there is anything saveable or not.

mrsfollowill · 28/12/2021 00:07

It sounds to me like you have 'outgrown' him- you got together very young and often your outlook can change as you mature- maybe that has happened? This has happened to three couples I know- two split and have both made new lives and are much happier. The other are still together but both cheat/threaten suicide to each other Sad
Being in a relationship should make both of you happy- if that is not the case then it should be game over. Kids always pick up on unhappiness between their parents- if not now they will when they reflect as adults.

supersop60 · 29/12/2021 19:22

OP - I can't really say. I just got over it when the kids arrived. He does have an extraordinary loud swallow, and I have commented on it, but he can't stop it.
It may be you've just had enough of him.....

Gilda152 · 29/12/2021 19:44

Lets check there's no one new on the scene that you've got a little crush on?

It's a salient point that often only gets dropped in a few pages in on these sorts of posts.

Other than that, it happens. Be kind and let him know you don't feel the same way about him though you still love and respect him as a family member and you'd like to separate so he can find someone more suitable for him at the place in life you are now.

WanderingLost167 · 29/12/2021 21:27

Are you intimate with him? I got to the point even the idea of doing so sent me into a panic attack. There was no way back

crochetmonkey74 · 29/12/2021 21:31

Would you want to save it if there was a magic wand? Do you want to fancy him again?

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