Is this narcissistic hoovering?

[pembrokeshireguildford]

Does anyone know what narcissistic hoovering is or is this something else?
A very brief summary is that after separating from my cheating ex he very quickly turned from begging me to stay to being 'off' - like he didn't care at all, not about me as a person, let alone his wife of 20 plus years!

Suddenly, with Christmas I suppose, he's started being 'nice'. My DS even said that he sent her an uncharacteristically 'normal' message the other day asking after her. She said it was like someone else had sent the message. So it's not just me he's changed his behaviour for.

It's feeling like someone else is directing him, telling him what to do.

Is DS a shared child? its common for them to turn on the charm with the children to make you into the bad guy kinda "your mom wont get back together with me im sooo nice it's her fault" my ex love bombs the kids on a regular then drops them then love bombs them again the distrust they have for him is obvious at times except to him

I think OP meant her sister

Narcissistic hoovering is something that some narcissists do. Did you believe he was a narcissist before this?

The behaviour you described is very common among cheaters in general.

I have had this behaviour from my cheating ex. He wasn’t narcissistic but I found out about the OW. I went NC and he rotated from appalling behaviour to desperate behaviour, sometimes in a blink of an eye. They can’t seem to handle their emotions inside as they realise they have lost control and the respect of someone they were once close to. It will fade out as long as you don’t ever engage with him when he is irrational. Personally I wouldn’t engage at all.

@litterbird

I have had this behaviour from my cheating ex. He wasn’t narcissistic but I found out about the OW. I went NC and he rotated from appalling behaviour to desperate behaviour, sometimes in a blink of an eye. They can’t seem to handle their emotions inside as they realise they have lost control and the respect of someone they were once close to. It will fade out as long as you don’t ever engage with him when he is irrational. Personally I wouldn’t engage at all.

Thanks, I did wonder if there was more of an explanation to it and your suggestion about not being able to handle emotions makes sense. Yes he has definitely lost control and yes he very suddenly lost my respect. That must be traumatic when he had had my respect for so long and now he doesn't. Actually, I can't imagine how damaging that must feel - to have someone respect you for over two decades and then for that person to suddenly view you with disdain when they learn of something that you've done. Also, because he's disrespected the person who has always respected him, wow, that must be a head-fck.