Birth de-brief years later??

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Has anyone requested a birth debrief with their midwife 3 years later?

I tried to make a meeting when my son was young but my midwife wasn't available.

I had a pretty traumatic birth that has affected both my son and I in different ways.

I want to get to the bottom of it - has anyone experienced this?

Thanks

To be honest I didn’t even know this was a thing but it sounds like a good idea . I know my first child’s birth was horrific and I still feel affected by it over thirty years later but no one even considered those things back then I don’t think
I feel you should definately do it if you think it will be helpful.

I don't think it's too long. I imagine many people would only just able to face it if it was that traumatic.

I agree with Teatalk, my first birth was 20 years ago and I wish I’d have had the opportunity to do a debrief

NHS midwifery is under massive pressure. They are barely looking after pregnant women who need acute and urgent care.

YABVU to expect a midwife to make time for this.

Ignore pp.

A debrief is important, and it isn't too late to request one.

We had one when ds was a little over 2 years old on the suggestion of the GP. I had PTSD from birth, and not dealing with it was fuelling my depression.

I found it very useful although difficult at times. The consultant was able to explain why certain things happened and that they weren't my fault (I blamed myself constantly). It also reassured me that what happened was unlikely to ever happen again.

We were also supported in putting our complaint in regarding the neglect in post natal care .

I was also given midwife led specialist counselling for months after the debrief - something which I never would have received otherwise.

I had a birth debrief recently after 6 years. I didn’t know there was a term for it, but it sounds accurate for what it was! It’s because I’m having another baby and the midwife talked me through what happened the first time round. She was so kind and patient and reassuring and it has made such a big difference to my general outlook on what happened and how I feel about myself. I really would recommend it to anyone who’s feeling traumatised by a birth.

YABVU to expect a midwife to make time for this.

YABVU full stop.

I recently had one from a specialist midwife because I'm pregnant again, my little one is almost 4 so there's always time.
The only major issue I had was the hospital notes system, apparently where I had my DD was only paper notes and not much on a computer so she hadn't been able to access the paper notes in time for our briefing. But it was brilliant and really helped, it's always worth asking.

NHS midwifery is under massive pressure. They are barely looking after pregnant women who need acute and urgent care.

YABVU to expect a midwife to make time for this.

Who are you to say the OP doesn't need acute and urgent care? We must stop dismissing the traumatic birth experiences of women as unimportant. Aftercare for a woman who has had a traumatic birth is part and parcel of her obstetric care, that doesn't just finish the moment the baby is out.

I say this as someone whose four closest family members are front line NHS staff, one of whom is a midwife. Yes they're busy but THIS is part of their job the same as getting the babies out - and I assure you'd they'd not have an attitude of, "We're too busy, you've missed your opportunity, sucks to be you."

I did. Not my actual midwife but someone from perinatal team. It was brilliant. Very emotional. Dh sobbed his heart out which probably did him good too.

I did, three years after having DD, whilst pregnant with DS. Helped massively to prepare for labour again and changed my outlook and I truly felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.
Would 100% recommend, no matter how long after the birth.

Thanks everyone..

I feel quite angry about it all.. I suspect my son might have suffered some mild birth injury too.. although I would need this evaluated and confirmed..

I do need some kind of understanding/closure on this, I will contact my midwife and try again to meet.

Did you contact your midwife directly or go through the maternity services department?

My after care was shocking, as in there was none. I suffered infection and undiagnosed PTSD.

@Janesmom

NHS midwifery is under massive pressure. They are barely looking after pregnant women who need acute and urgent care.

YABVU to expect a midwife to make time for this.

Not had a traumatic birth then? YABVU to dismiss a woman's birth trauma in this way.

I also had a traumatic birth with my first 20 years ago. I wish this had been a thing then. I still don't really understand what happened to either my DS or myself, and I think it still affects me all these years later. Hope you find some help OP.

OP, I'm a midwife and you absolutely can request one now. It is usually done via a specialist midwife at your hospital who would have accessed your birth notes. I would ring your maternity unit in the new year and book an appointment.

@Willthewashingeverend thank you - I feel really nervous and anxious about the whole thing but need some kind of understanding/closure

Nope not too late, I actually found mine really healing and beneficial.

Hes. I’m doing exactly this as I realised I had severe trauma from my first birth (5 day induction, forceps, episiotomy, sepsis etc) when I was pregnant with my second. Contact your birth after thoughts team and they’ll go through everything. There is a specialist midwife assigned to guide you through this.

@Janesmom what an utterly insensitive thing to say. You clearly have no right to post on this thread with an opinion like that. Birth trauma is urgent!!

@Janesmom there is a specialist team/midwife in each trust in England to deal precisely with this. Who pissed on your cornflakes today?

@Janesmom

NHS midwifery is under massive pressure. They are barely looking after pregnant women who need acute and urgent care.

YABVU to expect a midwife to make time for this.

The NHS is quite capable of prioritising it’s own services.

I found my debrief after DD1 really helpful but I was left with PTSD symptoms and if hadn’t had counselling for this first I would have found it really traumatic.

3 years ago I was birth partner to a friend who very nearly died during labour. It traumatised us both. Midwife on a home visit insisted on a debrief (and a complaint), and she put in a request for the meeting which friend and I both attended. Friend wanted me there as a lot happened when she was barely unconscious and out of it, and that I had been witness to. Speaking to the consultant and getting an explanation for the various decisions helped somewhat.

Barely *conscious

Yes I did, about 6 years after the birth. They didn't do them at the time I had my son, but it was a traumatic birth and it was creating a barrier to having further children. A lovely midwife went through the notes in detail, and it was quite amazing to be able to make sense of my jumbled memories. Also very important for dh, who thought I almost died (I didn't).

I paid for a copy of my own paper notes and went through them with an Independent Midwife. So minimal cost to the NHS

To be honest they weren't accurate - I could understand a difference of opinion where I thought I'd been told X and the notes said Y - but they said I'd not had an episiotomy or stitches. Which I could not only remember but I had the scar!! For all that, it was helpful though.