How am I going to cope with this? Advice needed

[Struggling1702]

Morning

Quick backstory. Ex and I have been separated for 2 years now. I ended the marriage after discovering he'd had a third affair.

I stayed in the family home, he moved out. He sees the kids eow and one night a week, his choice. He is also meant to do half of the holidays but never does.
A year ago he decided he wanted the house and started "starving us out" (his own words used in mediation). He has put me through hell this year.
Anyway, he was successful as I ran out of money in solicitors fees and mediation costs (he earns well into 6 figures so could afford it). He is getting the home, the small amount of equity is being shared 60/40 and me and the kids move out next month. I'm moving to a much smaller house, in a not so nice area and kids are understandably upset. I feel rubbish but also a bit proud that I can afford something on my own. Since he left I've worked my way arse off at work and got FT and 2 promotions, without which I would not be able to afford housing.
My issues is how I'm going to cope with the emotional side of it all. He currently lives with his GF. She moved in after only having met the kids once and them only being together 3 months (this was in November so still not a lengthy relationship).
It's going to be so hard coming back here eow to drop the kids off and seeing them playing happy families in my home 🥺
I just feel like they're stealing the life I was meant to have. How do get through this? I'm so utterly exhausted, mentally and physically

Oh that does sound hard with him moving back into your home .
I'd suggest just not going near the house. Arrange for him to pick the kids up from your new home and drop them back there. Focus on the new home and making it nice. And you're absolutely right to feel proud of yourself having got back on your feet and earned enough to buy a house in your own right. The new GF is welcome to your ex as you don't want him or need him.

Much the same thing happened to me 40 years ago OP but I bought my first home like you and worked really really hard like you.
The important thing is you've aced it and have provided for your kids.
You have survived and your home means so much because you bought it and it's totally your hard work not his.
How my life worked out in the end, DS isn't stupid and sae what his father did and how selfish he was and no longer sees him, he speaks to him once in a blue moon and tells me he is massively draining because he is so selfish.
We on the other hand have a wonderful relationship because he knows how hard it was for me to provide a home for him, we are just about to buy a bigger home together, him, me Dil and are a really happy family unit.
Don't think about your old life, this is now. You have youre own home, make it the best home it can be and make everyday a happy family day for your kids. They will appreciate everything you have done, don't worry they will see for themselves what he did and that he took their home away from them and hardly sees them.
Kids see everything.

Firstly you're going to look yourself in the mirror and congratulate yourself on what you've achieved so far...then you're going to put one foot in front of the other. There will be tough days, and there will be rewarding ones. Take one at a time.

But also take comfort in the knowledge that your children will be adults for much longer than they'll be children. They'll look back and work out for themselves who prioritised their interests.

Oh he really is a treat isn't he. You and the kids move out and he moves him and his floozy in.
Also despite asking you all to leave you don't say whether he's requested to have the kids more in THEIR home ? I doubt it... he's done this to be controlling and knows it'll hurt you.
Take your babies. Pat yourself on the back for all you've achieved for them and yourself. Start your new life, it's an adventure and I bet you it'll be loads happier from now on.

Thanks everyone, it really helps.

@runsmidgeOMG, no, of course he doesn't want them more. He was meant to have them half Xmas hols and is ending up having them less than his contact time. He's going away with his girlfriend but apparently got the dates wrong and isn't back until kids go back to school... He's incredibly selfish

Look at what you’ve achieved which is amazing. It honestly is: a year later I’ve achieved nothing.

And consider how happy would you be to move into the family home that his ex lived in for a year after he left….

@Struggling1702

Thanks everyone, it really helps.

@runsmidgeOMG, no, of course he doesn't want them more. He was meant to have them half Xmas hols and is ending up having them less than his contact time. He's going away with his girlfriend but apparently got the dates wrong and isn't back until kids go back to school... He's incredibly selfish

Then you should be all the more proud of yourself. You're their advocate and their safe space. We don't give kids enough credit as a society. They will soon learn from a young age who was there for them and who demonstrated hugely scummy behaviour.

I bet your ex hasn't thought of this and believe me it'll be a shock to the system when he does. Wonder if all his affairs will be worth it then ?

Hold your head high and adjust your crown Queen !

Honestly consider this your liberation as he can't really do anything more now. Keep your expectations of him having the kids low & just support your kids as you are doing - you're aceing it & he is a complete douchebag. Your kids will figure it all out for themselves as time goes by and in the meantime be bloody proud of what you've achieved & the fact that you're providing so much more for your kids than he'll ever be capable of - kudos to you being an amazing Mum! Try not to look back & ignore him and his gf in your old house as much as you can ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so so much everyone. I really needed this this morning 💞💞💞.
Also just tested positive on LFT so that's really sucky too

It must be hard seeing a new woman in your old home. You've done brilliantly for yourself and your DCs, keep moving forward and remembering that although she is now living in your ex home, she also has to live with your snake of an ex!! And smile every time that thought comes into your head!! 😍🤣🤣

Well. He’s a charmer isn’t he ! I can see why that would be really hard for you and would personally go down the sewing prawns into the curtain lining route Seriously though, anyone who treats his wife and children like that is a colossal tosser. And anyone who can shag a man who treats his wife and children like that is also a colossal tosser. Therefore, it is no longer your home, it is a den of colossal tossers, whilst you will live in a castle of happiness with your lovely dc. It’s just a house and it will be empty as fuck with that pair in it!!!