Narcissistic sabotaging of someone else’s life

[LifeSabotage]

If you’ve gone NC/LC

This angers a narcissist doesn’t it?? Welll I think that’s what’s happened to me - by going v v v low contact I’ve removed their source of whatever gratification they got from playing mind games and they can’t leave it so are sabotaging my life behind the scenes ….,

Things like telling people untrue things about me, saying I’ve been unpleasant about people (which then ruins friendships) , reporting to authorities for things I haven’t done causing stress

So even though I finally got the courage to walk away my life still gets affected

Do I literally have no option than to put up with this ? I feel like if I ignore her will at some point they get fed up?
Or do I speak to those involved and tell them the truth - but that means opening up about years of abuse and I feel that’s opening old wounds and it will get back which then will that give them satisfaction that I’ve ‘reacted’ ?

Go absolutely no contact. And if you have ti have minimal contact then use the grey rock technique. They will get bored eventually don't rise to it or give fuel for their fire.

Unfortunately the worst thing you can do is contact them, so effectively yes, you just have to put up with it.

You are going to find out who your true friends are. Work out a short explanation for whats happening and let people make a choice. If they choose to drop you, just accept it and tell yourself you are better off without all the people hooked on drama in your life.

Go completely NC with them.
Telling others is a difficult decision for you. Yes, you have to be open about the abuse but it may be cathartic and you don't have to give detail

Maybe just saying to people that X has been so damaging to my life and mental health I am not in touch with them anymore and please don't believe anything they say about me.

If they are spreading outright lies that could cause you financial or other damage, report them to the police

Maybe even take out a restraining order depending how bad it is

Sorry this is happening to you and well done for standing up to them

Just because they tell lies about you doesn't mean other people will automatically believe them. Very often people just nod and smile for the sake of peace and quiet, whilst thinking 'there's two sides to every story."
My narcissistic older brother had a reputation for being the life and soul of the party and always telling jokes. When I told people I had gone NC with him due to facing up to childhood sexual abuse by him they told me they couldn't stand him anyway as he was so arrogant. Turned out his popularity didn't extend beyond his immediate family.
You won't be the only person they've treated badly and people will realise you'll have a different tale to tell. Those who soak their lies up like a sponge are best avoided anyway.

Yes, my x has hated me relentlessly for over 15 years. Well, 13, I realised 2 years after I left him that I was still looking for his blessing for having left him, so I had an epiphany finally and stopped contacting him. Every.

He has hated me with such an intensity for the last 13 years, no tea break.

when i had to do handovers he l wouldn't look at me. Totally dehumanised me.

I just wonder if people will realise at some point I say nothing, that it’s so one sided all these stories about me 😞

It’s upsetting as I do my best to be a good decent person and then there’s someone constantly trying to do this to me and it’s hurtful and frustrating. I often think ‘fuck it I’ll tell everyone the actual truth and defend myself’ but like my dh says this person has cultivated an image for themselves as a high standing professional member of the community who is respected - all they have to do is say I’m mad, laugh off anything I say and they’ll be believed

I would not defend yrslf.
I like most people make up my own mind about people. You have heard the expression "a character assassination only an x could give". People wont read much in to his opinion of you. They'll make up their own mind or they"ll think, that relationship needed to end

Never explain. Just block anybody u do not have to be in touch with

They will realise in time . Very upsetting for you though until they come to their senses, I've been there and still going through the lies and bullshit. It will get easier.

Theres an interesting article about narcs and why they do this. You could share it with his flying monkeys.

If they can no longer control you, they try to control how others see you. They need to discredit you so that they can maintain their public image.
www.elephantjournal.com/2021/12/smear-campaigns-and-flying-monkeys-heres-how-you-win-against-the-narcissist-in-your-life/

I think I’d be telling close friends and family that she is talking rubbish and making crazy accusations. I’d definitely be calling into question the sanity of said person. If they can talk shit about you, don’t see why you can’t tell others they’re doing so.

It's part and parcel. But the mask slips and most people eventually see what they are like.

Do not let this affect you. You can't control how other people feel or think about you. Don't try. You're a good person and you treat people well. The people who matter know that.