I've left him. Don't know how to feel.

[gravybones]

I left my partner today. We have a history of arguments which result in him being nasty and verbally abusive.

I had been building up with a bad mood, struggling to cope with Christmas. He was awful to me on Christmas morning, subjected me to a tirade of shouting and swearing before we had even opened presents. He continued to be awful to me, and to family throughout the day. Christmas Day ended with another argument, this time more my fault as I wanted to talk about what had happened that day and discuss his behaviour. He didn't want to and blamed me for bringing it up.

Boxing Day started with him being frosty with me. I tried my best to make conversation and get on with things. He blew up, blamed me again for arguing. Told me to fuck of, threw my things out of the car and told me to leave.

So I did. Then he sent me a long message apologising but saying he's sick of me criticising his behaviour. I replied that I'm afraid his behaviour is sometimes appalling and he needs to own up to that. That I needed some space to think. He replied "wrong answer. The space is permanent" told me he's packing up my stuff for me to collect and subsequently blocked me so I can't reply.

I don't know how to feel or what to do. I feel partly desperately sad at the thought of losing all that we had. And partly relieved that I no longer have to go through it any more.

Ok well after three years you should be well and truly over any deluded honeymoon period where you live in vain hope that any obnoxious behaviour can still be hammered out of him (metaphorically speaking.)

If he hasn't changed in three years then he really isn't going to. But I think you already know that.

There’s no doubt in my mind that you should leave and feel utterly confident in that decision. I’m many more years and two DSs into a very similar sounding relationship. Put a definite line in the sand now before it gets way way more complicated.

“Also, @NdujaWannaDance is totally right. Even if he wasn't abusive, which he clearly is, and you were in the wrong, which you clearly aren't, such unhappiness is a clear sign that the relationship is bad and to run for the hills. There's so much better out there. And yes most abusers are nice some of, even most of the time, which is how they manipulate intelligent and strong people to stay with them. It's their terrible behaviour that makes them abusers, what comes in between doesn't really matter.”

This with bells on. All relationships are great when things are going well. In an LTR, the best measure is what things are like when the chips are down. This relationship sounds utterly toxic.