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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice Needed Please...

1 reply

DeeDee899 · 27/12/2021 03:17

I’ve been casually seeing this guy for the past few months and recently ended up pregnant. I also realized that he’s been dishonest (sleeping with other people/lied about his age) about a lot of things and has been lied to by this guy since day one. I reveal to him that I’m pregnant and initially he says “her body, her choice”. He prefers abortion, but stated he would want to be involved “if the child is his”. He stated he couldn’t not be involved and wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

Fast forward to less than a week later, he tells me that he cannot be involved in anyway and it’s because his family would disown him and that he’d lose his family. He goes on to say he is not ready to be a father and he can’t raise a child right now. He is a different race than me. He goes on to state he is scared of his parents and mentions that his family will hate the child because the child is not the same race as he is. He mentions his family is prejudice against other races other than his own. He even threatens that he’d rather kill himself than tell his family that he has a child on the way with her. He said he can’t even be involved secretly because his parents will find out. All his reasons for not wanting to keep the child were selfish. I do not want to get an abortion, but considered adoption. I feels like he is trying to guilt trip me. He knows his family is racist and apparently hateful towards certain races, but still voluntarily inserted himself into mu life and pursued her.

Basically, I’d like to know, what you all think the best course of action would be? I’m willing to raise the child on her own, but hurt by his actions and words. When he threatened suicide and mentioned how his family would hate an innocent baby who did nothing…I am now at a loss. Should I even pursue child support?

OP posts:
Mummacake · 27/12/2021 04:50

Not sure of your circumstances but do you actually want to be stuck with this person for at least the next 18yrs? He clearly wants no part of the child's life and you don't know him at all. His family may or may not be as he describes but really that doesn't matter. Being a lone parent is tough, child maintenance isn't a given - depending on his employment,and there's always the possibility that he'll use the child as a method of control for many years to come. That doesn't mean he cares about either of you, it's just because he can potentially. There's a lot to consider & it's worth talking to someone about all your options. Wish you all the best.

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