Grrr my mum is so negative

[micegg]

Just a rant. I phoned my mum tonight and just found the whole experience utterly draining. She just moaned for about 30 minutes. Moaned that she has to work christmas eve (even though she has had 3 days off this week), moaned that she was asked to go and get some trouers for her friend whose husband is dying (even though she offered) and moaned about making sandwiches for a friends party (even though she had offered). She winged about how jealous she was of me because I have two weeks off now and when I chirpliy said "well come on be positive. You only have to go in for 4 hours on christmas eve and you have had most of this week off" she tursley (?Sp) replied "well maybe you wouldnt feel like that if it were you". I know I am sounding like a moany old bag myself but its driving me nuts. Everything is turned into something against her and she never seems to see the good things she has. DH and I recently got some shares we had been investing in (not a great deal), she asked how they were and I said we had decided to hold onto them as they had lost a lot of value recently. She replied "well if that was me I would just expect that to happen". WTF. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

My mum can be quite negative too and it is annoying as negativity can be contagious and really get you down.

I say to her, "Don't be so bl**dy negative," and she seems to stop and think. Or constantly constantly point out the bright side or silver lining to everything.. . .

God, I'm so active on MN tonight, it's ridiculous. My own back yard is a mess! I must go and wash up.. . .. . . .

Mine's the same. Every phone call is just one long moan about work, health, people who have done this to her and that to her. She never sees the good in anything and it's very tiring just talking to her. she's always been pretty negative but she gets worse as she gets older.
I haven't got anything useful to suggest, just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

LyraSilvertinsel...I could have typed that myself! Glad i'm not alone!

yep, this sounds very familiar. i often feel like mine's not happy if she hasn't got something negative to moan about.

i worry i migth end up the same!

just had a head on with her (she's staying) and told her not to be so bloody childish.

oooh, mine's the same. again, no helpful advice just wanted to empathise. Mine is very miserable, has had some bad stuff happen in her life but just can't pull herself together and so is constantly negative, insecure and v jealous of other people. DRAINING is not the word.

LyraSilvertinsel...I could have typed that myself! Glad i'm not alone!

oh god youre not alone.

My aunty phoned tonight to tell me that my mum and dad had been over today and that my mum is down and depressed about everything .... yes I know and she either needs to put up with it or bloody leave him!!!
This convo with my aunty would have been fine if it wasnt for the fact that my uncle has an inoperable brain tumour and they have just been told that his treatment hasnt worked , but yes my mum still goes over there and cries ....grrrrrrrrr

Thanks everyone. Nice to know I am not the only one. I just find whenever I talk to my mum all she does is moan about other people or go over and over the same ground when shes fallen out with someone. My biggest fear is being the same. Now I have my own children I dont want to be that way because I know how much it drags you down. I have to consciously think about being positive though as this is what I was bought up with. My mum has had more than her fair share of bad luck over the years but its more about how you deal with it. Really bought it home tonight after talking to a friend who has just found out she cant have any more kids due to a gynae problem and needs a hysterectomy at the grand old age of 29. She is also dealing with the loss of her dad. So much to feel down about but she is truly amazing in how she deals with it.

Hi Micegg and all with moaning mothers...

You could try:

'Why do you feel the need to tell me this?'

Basically act like a 6 year old 'why did you do that then? why do I need to know this? why did agree to do it then?' etc. And then be unrelentingly positive about everything. See how much they get out of being negative then...

Or this may not work. May be fun to try tho to brighten up those long whinging whining phone calls...

Just a quick update. My mum came to stay for a few days over christmas. She had found out that the butchers dad had died on christmas eve and that's all she went on about. "I bet so and so's not having a great christmas right now". "I feel their pain". Then she harped on about how great my dad was at christmas time whenI was young - even though I havent spoken to him for years. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Please dont let me turn out like this!!