Fed up with mother in laws effortless gift buying

[Crescentmoonstarsandsun]

Am I cruel for not appreciating my mother in laws gifts to myself and my kids?
My relationship with my mother in law isn’t bad, we get along ok.
But after 13 years of knowing her, I really am struggling to say a simple thank you for her Xmas presents this year.
She isn’t rich, nor is she strapped for cash.
Well within her rights, she pays a lot of money to get her hair done all the time, new clothes etc, she earns a lot of money and lives by her self. None of that is my business I know.
But, thanks to my partner she knows every detail of my financial situation etc.
But I am frustrated at the fact she is so tight with money and gift buying. will always give gifts to my kids and myself that she has bought from the charity shop. There is nothing wrong charity shops, I love charity shops and always find lovely stuff! However, receiving a dirty, stained make up bag with broken zip containing sachets of moisturiser and shampoo freebies from magazines and used lipstick and a bottle of dried out nail varnish from like 1980 for Xmas, I can’t bring my self to fake a thank u anymore.
I don’t give to receive but I do appreciate effort.
I recently had to leave my job and don’t have a lot of money but I made sure I put money by to show the people I love at Xmas that I appreciate them.
And the worst of it all, she’s very needy and demands thank yous, pestering me on WhatsApp and saying condescending things like I’m a child that needs reminding to say thank u and be polite, and not once even mentions the presents I gave her. Am I rude or am I right?

My partner (her son) has mentioned in the nicest to possible way plenty of times to stop with all the junk and hand me downs. It's not just the Xmas gifts, all year round she brings absolute junk to my house that I have to then get rid off.

I think the best thing to do is just leave it for now, and then next autumn just politely let her know you aren't going to do presents anymore (that's perfectly reasonable). Just try and rise above it.

I volunteer in a charity shop and those items would not get put out; sounds like something she found at the back of her wardrobe.
I would not appreciate being given broken, dirty items and would not say thank you.

"My partner (her son) has mentioned in the nicest to possible way plenty of times to stop with all the junk and hand me downs".

And it keeps happening doesn't it?. He needs to be far more firm with her but that may be problematic for him (due to his FOG).

"It's not just the Xmas gifts, all year round she brings absolute junk to my house that I have to then get rid off".

You need to both present a united front re his mother. I would think your man is mired in FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) re his mother and that is a problem for him too.

Tell her you'd love her to make a charity donation in lieu of a present in future, make like you have no need of things. That present really does sound like a big f u 😳. Look at it through humorous eyes, sounds like she really does think about what she gives you, but not in a good way.

I think you can be honest with her. The present is broken and unusable. If money is difficult, you’d prefer nothing at all. Obviously you know that’s not the case. Don’t need to play games though.

@Crescentmoonstarsandsun

My partner (her son) has mentioned in the nicest to possible way plenty of times to stop with all the junk and hand me downs. It's not just the Xmas gifts, all year round she brings absolute junk to my house that I have to then get rid off.

Hmmm I do know some people like this, they think "what a bargain" you see unusable rubbish. Just smile, then bin it!

@CallMeRachel

She sounds like my mother. Mean as sin, random charity shop finds like you describe are not suitable gifts unless you have pennies to spare.

It doesn’t sound like that’s the case though for her.

On the condescending messages asking to be thanked I’d just reply laughing saying I was waiting on her thanks first as manners are a two way thing. While we’re on the subject, I can see that you find gift buying challenging so can we agree to stop buying for each other now?

Yes, I love this reply 😂

I'd love to see a photo of this shite gift, I know you can't op as it's outing but it sounds so terrible. The nerve of giving someone such crap.

Honestly just roll your eyes, smile say thanks. Can you really not bring youtself to do it?

@BusterGonad

I'd love to see a photo of this shite gift, I know you can't op as it's outing but it sounds so terrible. The nerve of giving someone such crap.

Believe me when I say there has been worse... Through out the year it's normally, rotten potatoes from her house, half empty tubs of butter, out of date food.... so tired of it