My husband and I have been married for 19 years and been together for 23 years. We have four children who we both adore, two adults and two much younger. Unfortunately over the last 3-4 years my relationship has become fragile and I honestly don’t know what to do or who to turn too. I’m actually thinking of asking doctors for ADs to try to make sense and to stop feeling so depressed and frustrated. My husband has become a mess, drinking most nights, picking his skin constantly, making himself bleed, constant gout which he ignores medical advice for and snoring (this never used to be problem) is so loud that he sleeps in the loft. It’s been 3 years and although we still have an active sex life he refuses to get help and the lack of intimacy of being in a bed is driving a wedge. His drinking is the biggest problem and after losing his best friend suddenly last year he has become depressed and dependant. He refuses to get counselling or admit this. He is a very loving dad and does cooking, school runs and football runs etc but that is it. Nothing else. He sleeps in most days. He was drunk playing a game with our child ( this is a first) so I made him leave but we talked and now he has to drink once kids are in bed. He has no idea how it is affecting us all. He now only drinks 2/3 nights a week which is an improvement but there is so much tension around the topic every day. We have been renovating a property over the last 6 years and he has had no motivation to do painting, help upkeep it. One example is that the summer kids pool wasn’t taken down until late November and it was my 75th mum who took it down for me. I struggle with my back and am so embarrassed that she had to do this.
Sorry for the long post. There is lots I could add but I don’t know what to do. He always begs me not to leave but nothing changes. It would destroy him and obviously impact on the kids too. I feel so confused.