Need hope after emotional abuse

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I have come to realise after a lot of therapy and help from friends and family that my husband, who I have been with for around 15 years, is emotionally abusive. I have finally got up the strength to leave, but for now we are in the same house with him not acknowledging I exist (except for by email). We have primary school age DC.

I think I know I couldn't go on like this and that it would be a bad example to set our DC, but I'm struggling, particularly with the thought of not seeing the DC everyday.

Am I going to be ok? Will the DC be ok? I really need some hope.

Yes you will be okay. You will come out the other side and find happiness you didn’t know was possible.

Telling the DC will be awful but they too will come out of it happier and more relaxed. You are giving them a chance of a healthy future by leaving.

They, and you, will adapt to new arrangements. There will be bumps along the road but two years later you will look back and know you did absolutely the right thing for them.

None of this will be easy and you are at the worst stage now. You are probably coping through adrenaline plus the determination you feel inside following the years of abuse. Once you are out, you’ll feel a huge mix of emotions and will need support from family and friends.

And finally….the alternative is staying. Which will 100% screw the kids up for life and eventually destroy you. So hang in there, move out as soon as physically possible, get the support systems you need in place, and start moving towards freedom.

I’m on the same path after the same recent realisation. There’s lots of threads on here that are hugely reassuring. There is hope. Begin to envisage the life you’d like to have but the single version for now. Picture you at your most confident and self-assured. You’ll see a happier version of yourself, setting an excellent example for your DC. Take time to get organised in your head so you’re ready to give your DC a clearer picture of their future. After you’ve told them you’re separating, let them have their relationship with their dad by being quiet and ready to listen but never bitching. Find a different outlet for what you need to say about him. It’ll be a rocky road to get where you’re going but the climb will be worth it. Good luck.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your replies. It helps to not feel alone. Just need to keep going…

Enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme as part of your recovery from such abuse.

You and your children will go onto thrive because you as their mother and in turn they, will not live in a house where abuse is present.

Remember that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Yes, figure out what your support networks are, contact women’s aid and get on thr list for support.

You’ve got this, OP. And we are here cheering you on.