ONS really messed with my head....advice please

[lostandneedadvice]

So. I’m female, bisexual. Single but things are complicated. Met another female randomly - connection was absolutely instant and insane. Also bisexual. She is in relationship with man.
One thing led to another and we had the most beautiful night together - which felt so much more than a ONS - a lot was said and there was a lot of emotion. Messaged next day full of really q affectionate exchanges. Saw her again to talk couple days later. She felt guilt but connection to me I think.
Long story short she’s now ghosted me.
I have feelings for her - and I want to tell her. And I know it sounds silly as it was a ONS but I really cannot stop thinking about her I don’t feel I can go on without finding a way to just let her know how I feel even if we never talk again. I’m genuinely really struggling.

I am sorry but it sounds like she has made her choice. If she has not replied to your messages, she wants to concentrate on her partner and does not wish to take it further with you. You knew she was in a relationship alteady, so that was always a risk.

I’m sorry but if she hasn’t responded then let it go.

I’m really really struggling with this, I know but it’s so contradictory to how she was I’m just not really coping.

It was a one night stand and she is in a relationship. That is why she is ghosting you

Ok I get it. I’m over reacting.

I appreciate you’re struggling but there’s nothing you can do. By all means tell her how you feel, but don’t necessarily expect a response.

I feel genuinely heartbroken which I’m aware sounds ridiculous- I’ve had several long term relationships have a child. But there is something about this one - I know I’ll have to cope. But I’m in pain and shouldn’t have been so stupid and trusting.

Agree with others. She has made her choice.

A ONS can often be an intense experience. Sometimes people find it easier to share very personal things with strangers than they do with those in their lives. This happens with non sexual encounters as well eg the phenomena of striking up acquaintance with a stranger on eg a bus or a train.

It sounds like this has provoked something in you but if it wasn't a ONS it very likely would have been a very different experience. So best to try and work through whatever feelings it has raised, in the spirit of growth, while appreciating it for what it was.

If she was capable to cheat with you, she is capable to cheat on you.

In ref to this woman. She had her cake and ate it.!! No mention of the poor guy she cheated on from either of you. He was the wronged person here. Just see it for what it was a ONS and move on.

You need to work on yourself if you are this devoted after one night. Enjoy it for what it was and move on.

She could have told you absolutely anything at all in order to create this feeling that you had a connection.
You've always wanted to go to Hong Kong. So does she!
You collect thimbles. So does she!
You failed your driving test three times. So does she!
And so on. And then on to more serious opinions and hopes to for the future. You don't actually know her.

I think everyone seems to be on the same page that I just need to move on, so I guess how I feel isn’t that normal. Not felt this way before. Still really do feel sad about it, but trying to work on putting it behind me. Thanks for the responses

I'm sorry you feel so bad, and whilst the responses on this thread are correct, it is a really horrible feeling to be ghosted by someone that you've been so intimate with, that you totally opened yourself up to and believed that they did too. At New Year as well, that's horrible. Could it help to think that your night together was real, she did feel like she said she did at the time, but in the cold light of day she's seen the bigger picture and wants to keep her relationship - and probably feels very guilty. Not nice or fine I know but she doesn't hate you, she's just thought I shouldn't have done that. In these very technological times ghosting you is a very easy way to draw a line under things. On the bright side she's obviously really conflicted and flaky so wouldn't have been a good partner anyway xxxx

Probably the reason she can't have anything more to do with you, is because she felt so strongly. Don't take that as a reason to contact her though, she's been clear she wants to commit to her relationship x

Hetero, gay or bi; she's a cheater.

Shes got a partner at home.

That's the issue, and that's why she's ghosted.

Youre putting her/it on a pedestal it diesbt deserve to be on.

She cheats.

Be sad for her partner who is probably oblivious.

Regardless of the connection you felt, if she cheats she has nothing to lose by lying also. Your connection may be as fleeting as your night together.

Lick your wounds and don’t look back.