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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I did not mean to get 'in love'

7 replies

dividedselfridgesxmaswindow · 20/12/2007 20:15

But I am and I am scared. The reason for posting is that I am so, so scared of getting hurt again. As a result I have developed this self-sabotaging streak and I am in danger of totally screwing my whole new, wonderful relationship.

Have been in tears about this today (ffs!) when I have a fab Xmas to look forward to and a dp who is helping me shop, clean and generally get ready for the 25th and who is then insisting on taking me on holiday for a few days the weekend after xmas.

I'm such a twunt I have been moaning about the stupidest stuff and have been soooooooo clingy having been quite non-commital o the point of pissing him off.

Help! Does anyone else do this?

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/12/2007 20:19

It's a self defence mechanism, you feel so worried about being hurt, you almost force them to do that so you can get it over and done with, i think

self fulfilling prophecy

it's hard to trust someone when you have been badly hurt, but he isnt your ex, so he should be given a chance, dont you think?

tho i'm a cynical old bat who doesn't always follow my own advice , lol

Original poster
dividedselfridgesxmaswindow · 20/12/2007 20:23

Indeed. I am loving having a decent man in my life again but it almost feels as though it is easier being on my own because it is such emotional hard work. I don't mean our relationship is, I just make it so.

Have moaned about laundry, placement of wine in fridge (it fell out and smashed), non-remembering of my tedious minutiae.

I really need shooting.

OP posts:
lou33 · 20/12/2007 20:28

it's the fear of it going wrong and coping again, even if it isnt likely to happen

Myrrhcy · 20/12/2007 20:32

No advice I'm afraid but I hope things work out for you.

Does your dp know about the nature of your previous relationship?

Original poster
dividedselfridgesxmaswindow · 20/12/2007 20:39

Thanks. Yes he does, I have been completely honest about it all in a gradual sort of way. I really didn't expect to progress beyond just dating and no I am sort of panicking I think. We are having a 'family xmas' which is quite a big thing I guess.

Today he has moved into his new place after a week with me between houses. He spends several nights here as it is and him going today has left me sad and pathetic. I really miss him and yet I've been bitching away at him for the las few days.

I really wish I could get a grip.

OP posts:
Original poster
dividedselfridgesxmaswindow · 20/12/2007 20:40

noW

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 20/12/2007 20:43

Tell him you're sorry and you know you have been unreasonable then make it up to him.

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