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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Christmas after divorce

4 replies

everyonebutme · 26/12/2021 07:27

I see so many threads about people who are divorcing or have found out their partner/husband is having an affair and going through a tough time. I've contributed sometimes as I've been through it. People say it gets easier which in some ways it does but there are times, even several years on when it's still hard and Christmas can be one of those. It's been nine years for me since I separated from my ExH (8 since divorce and 11 since his affair started). My children are young adults living mostly away from home but I had Christmas day with them. But then they need to go and spend a day or so with their father too (and his OH) and it always makes me so sad. And it always makes me sad that they have to split themselves between us and a life of family Christmases as I imagined them (and as I had myself) will never be the same. I know I shouldn't complain really as I've moved on and we have our health and no one had Covid and other people are going through so much more but those feelings are always there (and I admit I cried a little on Christmas day). Lots of strength to all of those of you going through hard times. Yes it does get easier but it's still hard sometimes.

OP posts:
Starbrand · 26/12/2021 10:49

God it is hard. My son is 8, his dad is with someone else and they have a two year old son. I feel really guilty making him share his time but he enjoys christmas with me and my family a hell of a lot. His dad sent messages yday of their two year old crying because he missed my son…which I thought was out of order. I hate having to deal with my exHs shit behaviour!

Badbaddog · 26/12/2021 11:05

I divorced 6 years ago when my DC were young adults so it’s a bit different, but one of the objectives I set for my new life was to continue to host a proper ‘full-on’ Christmas celebration that they could choose to engage in as much or as little as they wished. So far it’s been a 100% success rate I’m happy to say. They do a day with their DF and his gf earlier in December but Christmas is mine 😊

everyonebutme · 26/12/2021 13:17

@Starbrand that's so awful of him to say that. My exH used to be horrible to me too even though it was him that broke up the marriage.

OP posts:
Asifiwouldletyoubreakme · 26/12/2021 13:23

Sending love to you OP. I’m 4 years post split and this is first Xmas since divorced was finalised. My DDs are 11 and 13 and whilst this was the first year I didn’t shed a tear on Xmas Eve after doing the stockings instead I felt huge sadness when dropping them off to their Dad’s at 6pm yesterday and feel like that’s where my Christmas ends and have felt a bit down today. The DDs are happy with the arrangements so that’s what matters but I think I need to make better plans for post drop off next year.

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