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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's about MILs

6 replies

Onlyrainbows · 26/12/2021 05:14

My MIL came to visit and well let's say it wasn't amazing but so it goes. My DH has a fairly problematic relationship with his DM so there's that too. Anywho, he thinks that his DM clings to the past and that's part of the issue. I told him we're just too different (his DM and I) and although civil and polite I don't think you can ever say we'll ever love each other, and it would be the same for my DM and himself. We don't see each other enough, there's some cultural differences, and there's the language complications. He got s bit annoyed about that conversation, but I think I was just being realistic. This MIL has been a massive downer for the festive season.

OP posts:
editmyhomefeed · 26/12/2021 05:17

Over the years, I've found I'm to listen when my DH wants to vent about his DM but I've not to join in or have an opinion of my own. Otherwise he gets defensive and I'm the one in the wrong. Gah!

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 26/12/2021 05:30

Yes! Although he seemed to be more annoyed that I told him that I didn't expect him to have a relationship with my DM (but he can tell me the same about his!)

OP posts:
Gretaburley · 26/12/2021 06:22

My dm can be a nightmare and I often complain to dh about her BUT he is not allowed to do the same.
That’s the unwritten rule.

editmyhomefeed · 26/12/2021 06:50

Maybe he wants to think he can have a good relationship with his MIL. Perhaps he's subconsciously looking for what his own mother-son relationship has lacked. I think my DH has done a bit of that.

GoodnightGrandma · 26/12/2021 06:55

The MIL is who she is, and won’t change. I think you need to accept her as she is, and see her as little as possible.
But I wouldn’t put up with listening to him moaning about her.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 26/12/2021 07:18

@edit I think that's what annoyed him. He's always had a good relationship with his previous MILs. I also told him it really doesn't help me to know she doesn't understand me all the time (due to my accent) it just makes me feel awkward and self conscious. Knowing about her casual racist comments didn't help either. After all, I'm not white nor British born.

OP posts:
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