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Original poster

Husband always pestering me... HELP

36 replies

Aust98 · 26/12/2021 01:33

Hi All,

Been together 10yrs married for 4. Youngest child (1yr) caused me severe back pelvis problems which I still have and am in agony almost all day every day.

My grandmother just passed last month, I found a lump in my leg the day after (currently awaiting an unltrasound) also been under investigation by my GP for possible early menopause and am also awaiting a liver ultrasound due to blood results

We're constantly arguing because I never feel like doing it lately. I am burnt out physically and emotionally and he just doesn't seem to get it. I've explained it to him a million times and he just gets mad and says I don't care about him. I've tried to ignore him, i've broken down in tears and explained how he makes me feel by doing it, It's constant like every day, when he's not trying it on he's groping me or he's making sexual jokes or sarcastic comments about me not going near him.

The truth is the more he carries on like this the more I don't want to go near him.

I don't know how else I can approach it but I have had enough and really need some advice, how would you handle it?

OP posts:
me4real · 26/12/2021 22:21

This isn't going to be a popular view but sexless relationships are rarely sustainable unless both of you feel the same way. It's ok that you don't want sex but it's also not a crime that he does. It is unfair that he pesters you for it but it's also unfair that he is expected to have no sex life and not even have an opinion about that. I think you need to look at splitting because rather than just seeing him as the problem the reality is that this isn't really fair on either of you. It isn't wrong not to want sex but it isn't wrong for him to want a sex life either.

It's wrong for him to go on and on when he knows OP isn't at her best (which mightn'tve been for life, but he's going a long way towards ensuring she's completely turned off him.) And it's not ok to sexually assault her.

MadgeMak · 26/12/2021 22:27

@Calamitydrayne

This isn't going to be a popular view but sexless relationships are rarely sustainable unless both of you feel the same way. It's ok that you don't want sex but it's also not a crime that he does. It is unfair that he pesters you for it but it's also unfair that he is expected to have no sex life and not even have an opinion about that. I think you need to look at splitting because rather than just seeing him as the problem the reality is that this isn't really fair on either of you. It isn't wrong not to want sex but it isn't wrong for him to want a sex life either.
Come off it, this isn't just a case of mismatched sex drives. He was pestering her for sex just days after a c section. That's not a mismatched sex drive, it's indicative of how little he actually cares about her and blatant sex pest territory.
HairyFanjoBanjo · 26/12/2021 22:44

He sounds like a creepy and absolutely vile sex pest.

Ask yourself how much relief you will feel when you don’t have his constant rapey groping to deal with on a daily basis. Then find a way to leave and do it.

It sounds like you already know this isn’t right. Listen to yourself.

You might even m find that your health problems start to clear up when you’re away from him.

alexio · 26/12/2021 22:51

I could have wrote this post, my husband is exactly the same. It's just so uncomfortable his constant asking, groping and chat about it. I had a rough c section less than a year ago and he was going on about having sex only a few weeks after it's a total put off.

It's a real turn off and makes you wonder who the person actually is. I mean is sex the be all and end all of married life?

Original poster
Aust98 · 26/12/2021 23:16

@alexio

I could have wrote this post, my husband is exactly the same. It's just so uncomfortable his constant asking, groping and chat about it. I had a rough c section less than a year ago and he was going on about having sex only a few weeks after it's a total put off.

It's a real turn off and makes you wonder who the person actually is. I mean is sex the be all and end all of married life?

Yes, I more don't go near him because all the talk and nagging is the biggest turn off. I've also told him this but that made no difference either.

He says he just wants to feel close to me, as though sex is the only way of doing that. He doesn't get that if he was there for me emotionally and put his "needs" aside while I'm going through stuff then he might actually feel closer to me and realise it's not all about sex.

OP posts:
EvilPea · 27/12/2021 00:08

Aghhh the “just want to be close to you” line.

It’s manipulative bollocks

blessedbethechocolate · 27/12/2021 06:51

Have my first LTB. I lived with someone like this and he wasn't happy if I didn't have sex with him everyday and used to grope and grab at me all the time. The day after I gave birth to my youngest he was pestering me. Then it got worse and would wake up to cum on my face or him with his hand between my legs and you can probably guess the next step but he started raping me which was my fault because I wanted it and he didn't hear me say no. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. No more pestering and I never have to have sex again. (The idea of it since him makes me feel sick).

Graphista · 27/12/2021 10:54

Of course you're miserable! You're being abused daily most of the time you're awake! That's basically torture!

Seriously just bin him off!

@Calamitydrayne there's a BIG difference between sexless relationships and coercive sexual abuse! The latter is what is happening here. The op is effectively being raped on a regular basis sorry to be so blunt op but it's true.

That IS a crime!!

No amount of therapy stops abusers being abusers

Elieza · 27/12/2021 11:22

They all say that shite about missing the closeness.

It’s none of that.

They just fancy a shag and you’re there. Your thoughts or feelings are if no significance.

I told him that sex was just too painful for me and that the gyno said it wasn’t likely to get better. That only changed him into pestering for hand and blowjobs. Im between telling me the gyno was wrong and trying to persuade me to just try again…

Men and their needs. Does your head right in. Especially when they twist it to make it seem you don’t care about them and they don’t feel loved yada yada. Bring out the tiny violin.

In jail they used to give them bromide too take the edge off their sexual feelings because most of them can’t control themselves.

Shame we can’t do that now. There’s some nice guys that would be fine if they just weren’t so damn horny and annoying because if it. Pathetic excuses for human beings.

EvilPea · 27/12/2021 12:43

metro.co.uk/video/tea-consent-video-released-police-1255221/

This will bring home just how abusive what he is doing is.

Original poster
Aust98 · 27/12/2021 21:15

Thank you all.

I think I already knew the answer I just needed to hear it from someone else to make sure I wasn't just over reacting.

I'm going to get new year out of the way and then do what needs to be done and have a fresh start with my babies

Xxx

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