Was I in the wrong? DN

[bunnyboilerx]

Half a year ago my adult niece told a lot of hurtful lies, nearly got my Brother (her dad) locked up through these lies, and was just very hurtful towards the family and gave a few family members mental break downs through her actions.

I've attempted to reach out to her after I calmed down (even though she should of been the one apologising but thought I'd be adult about it.) and was greeted by complete silence.
The rest of the family have not forgiven her.
Today she messaged merry Christmas so I replied saying the same, and then she asked to meet up when she can (even though she has had multiple opportunities to see us and make things right but choose not too.)

Was I in the wrong to ignore her after this and not want to see her? It's effected my own Health and made me question a lot of things and I'm finding it hard to trust people at the moment incase they lie to me. (Childish I know but hey nobody's perfect)
and I'm still having to look after family members who had mental break downs after her actions.
I feel like I've given her 6 months to change and apologise and make things right and now it's Christmas now she wants to make a effort? Part of me is wondering if she's just after a present.
She's broken my brothers heart and still doesn't seem overaly bothered about it.
Would like to know what others think and if I'm being childish or not?

Of course you are not in the wrong, you do what is right for you. Don't try to second guess things, if it's causing you stress then feel free to say no. Take care.

A normal mentally well person does not behave like that.

As awful as the fallout has been, and even if you perceive her to be unaffected, it’s likely that she’s a very damaged person to have done that.

Equally - this doesn’t mean you’re obliged to have her in your life.

I’d leave it for a few days and come back to it once you can respond thoughtfully, rather than react emotionally.

Tricky.

What were the lies and are you sure they were lies?

If she has made an accusation of sexual abuse and it hasn't made it to court, it doesn't mean she has lied.

Could it be that she was telling the truth and is now not only dealing with the abuse but also rejection on a mass scale?

You don't need to be the judge and jury, but it is worth considering that she might have been telling the truth.

Protect yourself. It sounds complicated and stressful enough as it is so don’t court more drama by seeing her.

Thank you both so much for your kind words.

Yes she's not mentally sound herself, it's a very very sad situation as we love her very much but just wish she'd actually act and make changes. I will give it a few days and see how I feel then. Thank you.

@sweetbellyhigh

Tricky.

What were the lies and are you sure they were lies?

If she has made an accusation of sexual abuse and it hasn't made it to court, it doesn't mean she has lied.

Could it be that she was telling the truth and is now not only dealing with the abuse but also rejection on a mass scale?

You don't need to be the judge and jury, but it is worth considering that she might have been telling the truth.

Not lies like that, sorry I don't want to out myself nothing horrific like that but still very very damaging all the same. She's admitted it was lies, and we know it was lies as she caught herself out many times it's just the fact she says she'll sort herself out get help and then nothing comes of it meanwhile I'm left to pick up the pieces of everyone else.

"it's still very raw and i'm not ready to meet up, i still wish you a..... and hope...."