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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My toxic ex messaged me today asking to be friends, whats the point?

8 replies

Usy777 · 25/12/2021 18:09

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My toxic ex messaged me wanting to be friends again, whats the point?
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Usy777
Usy777
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Joined 19 d ago · 5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · a moment ago

Hi all,

I put up a post of couple of days ago regarding my ex and today she messaged out of the blue. See below for the updated post:

Me and my gf broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy, I know it was the right decision but I just want some advice on how to keep myself motivated whilst I'm in the healing process.

I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed. When we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off.

She ended up getting divorced a year after her marriage, she did admit to having a few relationships afterwards. We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage.

And when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure).

I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything which I thought was childish, this was a month ago and now she seemed to unblocked me but she hasn't got in touch.

We had an argument a few weeks before the break up in which she said "if we ever break up, it will be your loss". At that moment in time, I actually felt worthless and believed her when she said it would be my loss because I thought I didnt deserve better but now I realise I do and that I rather stay single than to be involved with someone like her.

She has just messaged me today out of the blue and said that she is in a good place right now and is hoping we can be friends again, I did reply to her saying thag I don't think it's a good idea and I wished her well. She just replied with a simple 'that's fine no worries x'. What is the actual point in trying to be friends?

OP posts:
inheritancetrack · 25/12/2021 19:20

None at all in your case. Say thanks but no thanks and move on.

BoredAndUnfulfilled · 25/12/2021 19:42

The woman sounds nuts tbh, stay well away from her! She was dating you while engaged to another man and then tried to make you feel bad about being insecure. She may be in a good place now, or she may just be playing another game and trying to lure you in again. Find yourself someone who realises what you’re worth.

user1481840227 · 25/12/2021 21:39

All over the world today people have received messages from toxic exes.
Even though it plays with your emotions and many people will be questioning why their own toxic ex did the same thing the most important thing to know is that pretty much all of the time it's not worth replying or giving them any headspace.

IamGusFring · 25/12/2021 22:03

She wants you running after her when she feels like it !

Aquamarine1029 · 25/12/2021 22:05

FFS, block this nutter already. It was foolish of you to even respond.

Marineboy67 · 25/12/2021 23:29

Block her number, you've got plenty of friends!

ProudThrilledHappy · 25/12/2021 23:57

She’s probably alone at Christmas and hunting for a sap who will tolerate her shit to ease her loneliness. Don’t be the sap OP

GiantHaystacks2021 · 25/12/2021 23:59

It's Christmas - toxic folk need someone to control and puppeteer.

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