Are there actually people whose interactions with family are not driven by FOG (fear, obligation or guilt)

[aremyfeelingswrong]

Just that really... I'm honestly struggling to make sense of it. Everything in my own family is pure fear and guilt, with my in laws I do everything out of obligation. But nothing is wrong as such in either family, no substance abuse or violence or anything like that. Is it not normal to feel fear obligation and guilt towards family? Are there people who relate to their families and even in laws without feeling these at all?

@coffeeisthebest

Your feelings are never wrong *@aremyfeelingswrong*. You have learnt this distorted belief within your family of origin and by the sounds of it something has shaken it up within you and now it is asking to be heard. Do what you need to do to get through Christmas, forgive yourself for feeling disconnected, and then commit to therapy to emerge from the FOG. In essence it doesn't matter if what you are experiencing is normal or not, this is about you. The FOG will keep you wondering and comparing. Sit in therapy and look it straight in the eye. Good luck.

Thank-you so much @coffeeisthebest , and everyone, for taking the time to comment. This sounds spot on and has really helped me

I would start thinking like this: 'Whatever problems there were in your own family that made you feel this way, these people are lovely and I shouldn't bring my own past problems into relations with them.'

When you start thinking they are lovely, nice, and generous to you, you will feel they are not a threat and are on your side.

How long have you been married? (We've been married for 16 years). My husband's parents have also been lovely to us and our son, their grandson and we met 3-4 times a year as they live 30 minutes drive away. Sometimes my husband visited them more often with our son when I was working every other weekend maybe 8-10 times a year. Now only his dad is left who will be 85 in a month's time His mum died in 2016 at 84 when our son was 9.