tired of supporting partners mental health

[gg12346]

My partner generally remains ok and was fine untill a month ago he started having massive panick attacks and was behaving unusually .We thought it was covid, then we thought it was cardio related .All tests have come back normal .I have asked him to consult and mental health person but he is saying its unusual .I have no clue what to do now .I am exhausted ! .I want not to over think ,enjoy the chritmas and then take it on from there .Nothing is open untill then.

He complains of massive moodiness and its effecting me in a lot more ways .AIBU if I ask him to just keep calm for another 2 weeks and then in Jan see a specialist .

Yes

I understand the pressure of living with someone with a mental health concern, really I do, but you can't just ask your DP to remain calm for the next 2 weeks. Mental health doesn't work like that. Hell - physical illnesses don't work like that.

Having said that I totally understand the pressure of living with someone with mental health problems. GP surgeries are open from Wednesday - get an appointment and ask if you can go with him - as support, an extra pair of ears and a prompt for explaining the symptoms and talking through options. If he won't let you go with him - help him draw up a list of symptoms and questions. If he won't agree to the GP - time for some tough love; you're a partner, not a therapist, you are not trained to treat, you can support, but he needs to seek and engage with treatment to support you, supporting him.

It is soooo easy to get sucked into the vicious cycle of dependency when someone refuses to seek and engage. Remember back to when we could fly abroad - the safety talk as the plane taxis along - put your own mask on first before you help others? Remember that - you can only help someone with mental health issues, if you are in a reasonable place yourself. The last round of my DP's depression bloody nearly killed me - I was the one being counselled for his depression. Don't let this be you

I have massive sympathy. See if he can't do some online stuff before you can get the appointment? There's quite a lot of resources on Mind for example. There's also a good book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway if he will read something.

I think my dp might be depressed too and I am really struggling with it. He's being really accusatory - keeps saying how hard done by he is, how I don't treat him well etc when I have supported him not working for ages (he lost his job in covid). I'm not sure I have the emotional strength to get through this especially if he's going to turn the tables on me!

Are you suggesting that he put whatever mh struggles he’s having on hold? It doesn’t work like that.

Mental health issues are very real for the person suffering so try to be kind if you can. I have anxiety that hits me hard when it comes and the only thing that calms me down is Diazepam. I always have to have some in just in case. I hate it and I hate being a burden too but I simply couldn’t stay calm for a couple of weeks if it hit me. I would need a shitload of drugs to help me do that.

Yes YABVU. He can’t put his mental health issues on hold for two weeks, that’s like asking someone to hold in diarrhoea. It’s only been a few weeks, surely as a partner you’d want to support and help him? Maybe try talking to him and asking what he thinks would help him rather then asking him to pretend he’s fine on your schedule

Thank you all.I completely understand how another person cannot figure out what's wrong with him .but I have 2 kids to support and also stay happy ( show you are happy ) since its Christmas 🎄.I am completely clueless what to do .

I’ve had it for 15 years now and emotionally broke, the depression the grumpiness the way he speaks to me, I’ve learnt a lot this year.

@Gloriagayn

Mental health issues are very real for the person suffering so try to be kind if you can. I have anxiety that hits me hard when it comes and the only thing that calms me down is Diazepam. I always have to have some in just in case. I hate it and I hate being a burden too but I simply couldn’t stay calm for a couple of weeks if it hit me. I would need a shitload of drugs to help me do that.

Me too. You have my sympathy as I am the same. It's horrible isn't it and I think unless you have experienced it, you truly cannot understand it.

Op. Your husband cannot just switch it off. Mental health really, really does not work that way. It's an illness and I would be the first person to love to just turn mine off .