OH needs me to overlook everything and sick of it

[IWasFunBeforeMum]

Just an opportunity to vent - I'm not going to leave him etc. We have 2 kids under 3 and he's a good dad, just a real half-job Harry with literally zero common sense.

Everything that needs doing has to be discussed. If there's a job that needs doing I'd just occasionally like it just to be completed without involving me.

He tested positive yesterday so I'm already cross because he went out on Sunday "to see the lads" and now Xmas has had to be changed. May not have caught it then obviously.

Tonight I ask him to sort tea as he'll be around.
"What shall I make?" 🙄 God forbid he think for himself. Makes toad in the hole because I mentioned that and he has no thoughts for himself. Makes gravy. Turns out he used an Oxo cube? Didn't do potatoes "because recipe didn't tell him to".....
Put 10 (!!!!) sausages in, again, because recipe said to with no thought he was only making for 2 adults and 2 toddlers and should adapt recipe accordingly.

This all sounds pathetic but it's a snapshot of examples of my daily life with him. Nothing is ever just sorted or done. He involves me (I don't try and get involved, I'm not anal or controlling I actually try and look disinterested so it just gets done!) I have to overlook everything or it's not completely done..it's exhausting. It's like I have 3 small people to mind over. Some days I simply don't respect him because he never does anything for himself.

Hit return by accident. If they have one percent meat anything, then you've got the good ones already.

@CatNamedEaster

Hey crestar, too excited to sleep waiting for Santa?

Is that really the best you can come back with karen? xxx

@tarasmalatarocks

Fascinated by those of you who have partners who cook proper fresh meals from scratch (and aren’t chefs) do laundry, think to clean bathrooms, and genuinely share the load — I have honestly never encountered a bloke like this who was in my opinion remotely fanciable— where the hell did you find them— I’m not disbelieving you but I can honestly say after discussing it with my mates, none of us has encountered it through our selection of life experience.

Depends on your priorities. If fanciable is top of the list you can't complain if he's a jerk around the house.

@tarasmalatarocks

Fascinated by those of you who have partners who cook proper fresh meals from scratch (and aren’t chefs) do laundry, think to clean bathrooms, and genuinely share the load — I have honestly never encountered a bloke like this who was in my opinion remotely fanciable— where the hell did you find them— I’m not disbelieving you but I can honestly say after discussing it with my mates, none of us has encountered it through our selection of life experience.

Mine does all that - annoying in other ways though 😂 no one's doing perfect.

It sounds like you don't respect yourself enough to get involved with someone like that in the first place.
Firstly, this.

But since youve resigned yourself to staying with him, someone last week on yet another thread about an incompetent male suggested weekly planning meetings. He functions at work so treat him like an employee until he improves.

I sympathise. My DH can be like this. He is a perfectly wonderful husband and father in every respect, except if I’m around and he defaults to me being the Adult In The Room.

‘How long should I cook this pizza for?’ Maybe read the instructions.

‘Where do I find the number for…?’ Er, Google?

‘What washing shall I put on?’ How should I know? Do you need black pants or white ones?

He really isn’t an arse. He grew up in a house where Mum did everything in the house and Dad worked. It’s ingrained. We both laugh when I pull him up on it. I am equally annoying about other things.

Is your partner actually useless or is it lack of confidence in household stuff? It’s not ideal but it is fixable.

He made an edible dinner, and you’re picking at him for it. No wonder he doesn’t have the confidence and has to check with you all the time. It can be crippling trying to do something for someone when you know you’ll be judged. If you want it done your way only, you’ll have to do it yourself. You’ve made yourself the boss so of course you end up being the manager. I always make gravy with stock and not gravy granules.

This is clearly not just about that one meal.

OMG I am married to someone with similar behaviour and it drives me nuts! But... he doesn't cook so I would be extremely grateful for that. Today he has left all of his Xmas jobs (putting our toddler toys together and wrapping a few presents for me) last minute so we have had ZERO time together as a family and it's meant I've had to do all the tidying, looking after baby, feeding etc etc etc and it's caused arguments and stress. Nice bloke and generally a good dad. Just fucking useless and disorganised that it spoils family life. Didn't have a Xmas tree until the 18th - his one job besides putting two toys together and buying a few bits for me. I work part time, have a high needs toddler and currently pregnant and have sorted everything out for his fiends and family plus activities for us. I'm seething and have only just come to bed. Grrrrr!

I work part time, have a high needs toddler and currently pregnant and have sorted everything out for his fiends and family plus activities for us. I'm seething and have only just come to bed. Grrrrr!

Why have you sorted his family and friends out? Why are you the one cleaning and sort things out all day? Stop being a martyr.

@PurpleDaisies

This is clearly not just about that one meal.

But we are only hearing this from one side.

We must therefore take it that the OP is absolutely brilliant at everything.

Fascinated by those of you who have partners who cook proper fresh meals from scratch (and aren’t chefs) do laundry, think to clean bathrooms, and genuinely share the load — I have honestly never encountered a bloke like this who was in my opinion remotely fanciable— where the hell did you find them— I’m not disbelieving you but I can honestly say after discussing it with my mates, none of us has encountered it through our selection of life experience.

My dh does all the food shopping and cooking. I dont think about food. Im not at all arsed about food. Food is uninteresting to me. Dh likes eating. We have jobs in the house. He cleans and keeps the kitchen, I’m bathrooms. He does washing. I do ironing and putting away. He is obsessed with our new vacuum cleaner and has completely taken over that chore. I clean mirrors and windows which he would nEver think to do. I empty bathroom bins. Him kitchen bin and recycling. He puts the bins out for the bin men. Whoever is around first brings them in. Etc.

When he is wfh i come home to a Spotless house, a brew made and dinner nearly ready.

He is also very fanciable.

Ive said this many times, but i honestly believe sharing maternity leave with our first child (now in high school) and both of us working at times full time at times part time was the best decision for equal family life.

@tarasmalatarocks

Fascinated by those of you who have partners who cook proper fresh meals from scratch (and aren’t chefs) do laundry, think to clean bathrooms, and genuinely share the load — I have honestly never encountered a bloke like this who was in my opinion remotely fanciable— where the hell did you find them— I’m not disbelieving you but I can honestly say after discussing it with my mates, none of us has encountered it through our selection of life experience.

Don't know about anybody else, but found mine when my band needed a new rhythm guitarist.

I expect he was a bit shit at the domestic stuff when he was in his early twenties, but I met him when he was a grown up.

My H shares the load. He's currently cooking breakfast. He sorted (and folded and ironed) the laundry yesterday because he had the day off and I was working. He doesn't clean the bathroom (unless I ask!) but does the kitchen instead (without being asked). I fancy the arse off him as he's funny, kind, intelligent, good looking and great in bed. Not perfect by any stretch but I'm certainly not either!

@tarasmalatarocks

Fascinated by those of you who have partners who cook proper fresh meals from scratch (and aren’t chefs) do laundry, think to clean bathrooms, and genuinely share the load — I have honestly never encountered a bloke like this who was in my opinion remotely fanciable— where the hell did you find them— I’m not disbelieving you but I can honestly say after discussing it with my mates, none of us has encountered it through our selection of life experience.

All the men in my family including my father well into his 80’s.

Basic housework and cooking isn’t that difficult.

@JovialNickname

Sorry to play devil's advocate but none of that sounds bad, only that it's not what you would have done? So he went out with friends, people are allowed to do that now and most want to see mates for Christmas. He asked you what you wanted for tea, and made it. He didn't double carb your meal - the Yorkshire pud is the carb portion surely, don't think most people have it with potato. You sound like you only want things done your way, then he asks you to try to meet your standards, then you get cross with him. And what's wrong with leftover toad in the hole anyway, it will get eaten, the world won't end over it x

Echo this - you start by calling him a half job Harry, I imagine he can feel the contempt you have for him! If he has a different way of doing things, that's fine. He will do things differently or not be tuned into the same priorities like carbs. It's also a learning curve - if you've not done it before you're not going to be able to think of everything. There's a lot he could think about and prioritise - time , reducing the number of pots to wash up, flavours, using up leftover food, grilling instead of frying, carb content, everyone's pallets, separate options for kids etc etc etc Everyone will prioritize different elements of this process and even to try and do 2/3 is quite hard if you're not used to it. House work is work, it's not taken seriously enough and seen as a learned skill.

@FabriqueBelgique

I relate strongly OP. I now tell my family members “You need to use your brain because mine’s busy!”

This will now be my go-to phrase. Nice one!

@tarasmalatarocks

Fascinated by those of you who have partners who cook proper fresh meals from scratch (and aren’t chefs) do laundry, think to clean bathrooms, and genuinely share the load — I have honestly never encountered a bloke like this who was in my opinion remotely fanciable— where the hell did you find them— I’m not disbelieving you but I can honestly say after discussing it with my mates, none of us has encountered it through our selection of life experience.

As a bloke, I've always been able to manage all of the above, and I fancy myself (not sure I'm doing this right ).