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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nervous driver

5 replies

Coffeetree · 24/12/2021 19:30

Does anyone know how to deal with a nervous/uptight driver (apart from just not driving with them)?

A good friend of mine is normally very chill but something about driving sets her off. Not exactly road rage but sort of grousing about other drivers and traffic, jerky driving like rushing up to red lights and hitting the brakes abruptly. Not slowing down for speed bumps. Others have noticed it too and it's a joke among our group. She's empirically a safe driver, has never had an accident, but just hates driving.

I did have a talk with her once and she got better, but today after a get-together we agreed that I'd accompany her on an errand in her car and then walk to my home through a park when the errand was done. (Neither of us had been drinking so it wasn't like she was resentful of being the designated driver.) It was the first time in a long time that I'd been in a car with her.

We'd all had a nice morning and the mood was fine.

It was like a complete change came over her the second she got behind the wheel. She missed a turn and got really angry at herself, then got very aggressive in her driving, running yellow lights, not yielding to people, even a couple of reckless moves. Muttering and seething to herself the whole time.

I finally said I fancied getting out and taking my walk early. She pulled over and I popped out with a quick "bye". I was honestly really worried for both of our safety. It was like Jeckle and Hyde.

I don't know whether it's worth chatting with her again or just leaving it and deciding I'm never going to ride with her again.

OP posts:
Coffeetree · 24/12/2021 19:52

Oh and I forgot to say she was sort of messing around with her phone, looking at her map, whilst she drove too.

OP posts:
UnsuitableHat · 24/12/2021 20:13

I think I’d try and tactfully have a word with her. Tell her some (specific) things about her driving that make you nervous as a passenger. She may be defensive at first but take at least some of it on board.

Coffeetree · 24/12/2021 20:18

Thank you. We had achar a while back and she was very receptive and apologetic. She confessed that she hated driving. We had a laugh and she promised to turn over a new leaf.

Today as she drove I was literally scared of her. It was quite creepy to be honest. No way I would have said anything to her in the moment. I thought she'd snap.

OP posts:
Xztop · 25/12/2021 16:13

Just dont get in a car with her. Maybe having a passenger puts her under pressure and makes her worse?
How long has she been driving?

RoseyLentil · 25/12/2021 16:27

I'd have a gentle word with her. She maybe should take a few refresher driving lessons to help with her confidence. Also, I'd be having a serious word with her about fiddling with her phone whilst driving as that's unacceptable.

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