Hi all,
So I’m with this girlfriend for about three and a half years. We live in different countries but I recently came to her country in order to see her for about five months. We actually live extremely close to each other so about two minutes walking. The background story is a follows:
We were on the same high school in junior high school we knew each other for about three years before I left abroad in order to finish high school and study in university. We stayed in contact online and she told me that she likes me 3.5 years ago over the messages and we got together. Everything was great in the first two years, but because of Covid we couldn’t meet for about two years we were very close into breaking up the last two months before I came to her country (my old country) where I live on my own now And she visits me frequently. However her parents are very restrictive on how much they want her to see me. For example there will be a week where we may see each other only for two times other weeks five times and so on.
Things have gotten a lot better between me and her but the problem is that I don’t like the fact that she has suddenly gotten very manipulative. For instance she doesn’t care whether she’s going to be late to visit me. If she says that she will be here in 6 o’clock in the afternoon she will be here at 7 o’clock in the afternoon. What’s worse? There are many times where she will say that she will be here at 5 o’clock in the afternoon and then change it so she will visit me at 8 o’clock and on the last minute she will tell me that “you know what I’m not gonna come in the end because my mum doesn’t want to” on very last minute. The problem with her is that even if she has the slightest problems such as a very light headache or she doesn’t feel good for some reason then there is no way for her to come over, even if we discussed about it and so she will cancel on the very last minute. If I do these stuff to her there is no way this is going to like it and she will begin complaining.
I tend to program my day. If she tells me that she was going to visit me at 5 o’clock and I have such a big task to do then I’m gonna have to cancel it and do the big Tesco in the next day but since she’s gonna tell me that he’s going to come later then it’s too late for me to do that big task so you understand how this is affecting my work every single day.
I explained to her that seeing her male friend, it’s not a good idea because you are dating me and not him and she keeps insisting that they’re not going for a date at all. When I told her that I am afraid that she’s going to cheat on me although she never has done so far she got sad and she told me that “I’m very sad the fact that you’re afraid I’m going to cheat on you”. Because she insists, I decided to do the same and i’m gonna meet a girl who I haven’t seen for about seven years and she said that “it’s is absolutely fine because I trust you that there is no way you are gonna cheat on me”.
When I get upset at her and I tell her that I don’t like when you do that for example I don’t like when you come late because I have to work and work so important to me, instead of getting better and try not to do it she’s getting much worse. I also had to argue with her so many times that I don’t like when she sends photos and videos to her male friend, despite he is a very good friend of hers because I don’t feel comfortable with it. She finally listened when I was kept telling her about this for about 7 days continuously. She is extremely hardheaded to the point that she knows that I am so much in love with her and there is no way I’m gonna leave her no matter what she does.
Sadly this is true. I have reached the point that I have no clue what to do. If I speak to her and tell her my concerns and my worries and the things that I don’t like from what she’s doing, she will be understanding but there is no way that she is going to change. For the last two months I’ve been to her country I’ve been telling her don’t be late all the time and still, I haven’t seen any change but I have seen her getting worse. She has gotten to the point that there is no way she’s gonna listen to me on whatever I’ll say, which makes me extremely sad, not because she doesn’t do it but because I have invested so much emotionally to her, maybe she has done the same I don’t know. Unfortunately I feel like I am a puppet and I’m emotionally trapped. She has become so much hardheaded to the point that it’s like dating someone else and not her.
My ultimate goal is to move to Australia because I really like a country and since I always wanted to go there.
My girlfriend says are that most likely she’s not gonna come with me because she wants to stay close to her parents although her parents are very manipulative and controlling. They don’t let her to become open minded, but always to have remind close in only towards her parents and not to the outside world. In her house, there are many many arguments between her parents and the climate in there is not very good. She never understands whatever I’m gonna say to her. I always wonder how the hell her brains works.
Here’s the problem. She’s extremely good on the bed like, we’re gonna do whatever I tell her and also I’ll do whatever she says because that way we have a lot of fun when we are together. Honestly the best time during the day is when we are together in my house. She also tells me that her favourite time during the day is also when she is with me and not when she’s in her house. I also asked her whether she would like to move with me and live with me forever instead of her parents and she said yes. When we are at the same house her personality is excellent I love her personality so much when we are together in the same house. When I tell her that I don’t like when you’re late, when you say that you’re going to come a specific time and you cancel on the last minute or when your are extremely difficult when I ask you something but on the other side I am fine when you ask me to do something, she listens but she never changes. She wasn’t like that in the first two years we went together. I was visiting her very frequently on the first two years every summer every Christmas and even she visited me once because her parents are very strict so they let her only once.
I thought me coming back to her country would make me to work much more and become much more productive but in the end it’s actually the exact opposite. There are many days where I haven’t done anything because I was kept thinking her every single day and I was asking myself why is it doing all of these and why did I end up with his girlfriend why didn’t I broke up with her awhile ago. I thought She would help me to become more productive and focus more on my work but it’s exactly the opposite. I’m getting super distracted and I’m being left behind.
At the beginning she respected that I am a workaholic but right now she doesn’t. For instance I told her how much important work for me And I cannot focus because I am kept thinking about you and all these stuff yoI do that I don’t like. Her Reply? Don’t worry, You will get a degree and I failed my examinations twice (she didn’t, she just gave up on the preparation) and my parents pulled me out of college because I failed the first year of it, so what shall I say about myself? I tried to explain to her that different people have different standards your failure could be someone else success and My success could we progress to someone else but she doesn’t actually understand which makes me extremely angry.
I’m planning to move to Australia in 2023 when I finish with my studies and to do my masters degree and of course find a job over there. I am currently in third year of college, but I took one year of break from college in order to try out new things such as earn money and stuff like that. The next year is the last year of college which is the hardest.
I really don’t know what to do. I feel I am emotionally trapped to her to the point that whenever she’s going to do, she knows that I will get angry I will complain to her and then I’ll be fine because you’ll try with manipulative methods to tell me that is fine and this is the right way.
If I break up with her it will really be a train wreck. I live extremely close to her and I don’t know how I’m gonna feel if we completely break up. Who knows maybe she will find a new boyfriend and she will try to make me jealous such as meet me in the town centre out of random.
Guys, please, I need help I need to get out of this I need to stop being manipulated by someone else and I need to stand on my feet in order to continue with my career and my life. My biggest fear? what if I make my biggest mistake by breaking up with her? If I break up with her any last for a while then we’re not gonna get back together ever again because she will get someone else. There is no way I will ever get another girlfriend because I don’t want to. I recently told a friend that I’m so jealous that you are single are you are fine with it.
Any help will be extremely appreciated I just need to take it step-by-step.
I hope you stay healthy and safe.