NC for this. There's a lot of backstory here, suffice to say H has spent years gaslighting me, making me doubt myself very successfully, to the point I don't trust my own recollection over his anymore. He has anger issues, some controlling behaviour but it's all about little things. We have DC and his anger has had a big impact on them a few times. I'm getting my ducks in a row. It's a slow process as I have significant physical limitations currently and can't work Im waiting on surgery that should help.
Last week DC were playing up at bedtime and H who always has to blame someone was telling 7 year old off loudly and telling her to get out of the room. He pushed her in the back as she ran past him, she stumbled, I grabbed her and put her behind me, it is was all over and done in moments. She was a upset, but not majorly so. I was shocked, god knows why it's not like he's never done things like this before. They're always out of nowhere, or seem to be.
The crazy bits, I had to check with my psychologist that I was right and it's not ok for an adult to push a child. Because yes that's how messed up my mind is. After I spoke to my psychologist today I spoke to DD, I wanted to apologise for being frozen, I have situational mutism, and not saying anything. She told me she didn't remember that happening and now I'm wondering if I imagined the whole thing. I know it probably sounds crazy to doubt your own memory, but that's where I am. I've spent so many years being told by him that I misunderstood, or he never meant that, would never have said that, it's all my fault, all the usual stuff. I could cry. I can't hold on to any certainty of self belief. I feel like I'm losing my mind.