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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel I'm losing my mind

5 replies

PleaseBeCareful2219 · 24/12/2021 11:59

NC for this. There's a lot of backstory here, suffice to say H has spent years gaslighting me, making me doubt myself very successfully, to the point I don't trust my own recollection over his anymore. He has anger issues, some controlling behaviour but it's all about little things. We have DC and his anger has had a big impact on them a few times. I'm getting my ducks in a row. It's a slow process as I have significant physical limitations currently and can't work Im waiting on surgery that should help.

Last week DC were playing up at bedtime and H who always has to blame someone was telling 7 year old off loudly and telling her to get out of the room. He pushed her in the back as she ran past him, she stumbled, I grabbed her and put her behind me, it is was all over and done in moments. She was a upset, but not majorly so. I was shocked, god knows why it's not like he's never done things like this before. They're always out of nowhere, or seem to be.

The crazy bits, I had to check with my psychologist that I was right and it's not ok for an adult to push a child. Because yes that's how messed up my mind is. After I spoke to my psychologist today I spoke to DD, I wanted to apologise for being frozen, I have situational mutism, and not saying anything. She told me she didn't remember that happening and now I'm wondering if I imagined the whole thing. I know it probably sounds crazy to doubt your own memory, but that's where I am. I've spent so many years being told by him that I misunderstood, or he never meant that, would never have said that, it's all my fault, all the usual stuff. I could cry. I can't hold on to any certainty of self belief. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

OP posts:
PleaseBeCareful2219 · 24/12/2021 12:06

Why would DD not remember this? Am I losing my mind.

OP posts:
oftenbaffled · 24/12/2021 12:08

I think this is something to speak with in depth with your psychologist and not mumsnet

Is this private or have you been referred?

sleepymum50 · 24/12/2021 12:13

Write things down when they happen. That way you won’t have to second guess yourself.

PleaseBeCareful2219 · 24/12/2021 13:09

@sleepymum50

Write things down when they happen. That way you won’t have to second guess yourself.
I usually do. Seemed unnecessary this time. I know it happened and I know Im not actually losing my mind, it's just so hard to deal with the constant mental refrain.

Referred @oftenbaffled. Won't be seeing her again till February unfortunately. It just thru me. Maybe it wasn't memorable to DD1, it's a blip beside some of the other issues.

He was away for a couple of days and I felt really good mentally. There's little niggling things every day. I didn't put a small chocolate Santa in the DCs stockings because I know he'll get annoyed and make a big song and dance about it telling the DC how unhealthy it is and that they're going to go crazy from the sugar and they better behave. At Easter he tells me how much of their chocolate they're allowed to eat and expects me to enforce it. If he's filled the dishwasher but not set it to run I can't run it because thats the wrong time. If I do the dishwasher like I did tonight I find myself explaining to him why I've set it for a certain time, trying to preempt him getting annoyed. There's this constant litany in my mind, of me trying to justify to myself why I did something that most people wouldn't even think twice about, let alone get angry over.

OP posts:
Piggyk2 · 24/12/2021 13:56

Do you have family support OP? Could you ring citizen advise bureau about what benefits you would be entitled to if you was to move out of the family home?

I think the fact your DH pushed your child is a step too far. You need to leave ASAP.

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