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Original poster

Is he hiding our relationship??

14 replies

AstroGirl5 · 23/12/2021 20:19

Hi all. So I’ve been dating this great guy for a couple of months and in a few days we are going on a romantic trip together. We are both divorced, both with two kids. We’ve been spending a lot of time together and he’s met my kids and some of my friends at some recent pre-Xmas parties. But I haven’t met any of his friends, or his kids. And it bothers me. Today, I asked him (via text) if he’s told anyone about the upcoming trip and about me. He completely ignored the question. I mean, on the other hand, he did invite me to celebrate New Year’s together with his friends, his brother’s family and my kids… But that will obviously be after the trip. I feel like he’s still testing the situation and testing me, and this trip is one big test. I’m obviously still getting to know him too, but still, it makes me feel rather uncomfortable that he still hasn’t told anyone about us and this trip is a kind of ‘make or break’ situation. I’m getting very stressed about it… Maybe i shouldn’t have asked him if he had told anyone? What should I do?

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 23/12/2021 20:21

Have you one your due diligence? Does his facebook profile say he's single?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 23/12/2021 20:22

done not one, obviously

UserError012345 · 23/12/2021 20:24

2 months is far too soon to be meeting kids. You don't know enough yet about each other.

Ohyesiam · 23/12/2021 20:25

How old are your kids, I take it their adult as they are coming to a party?
Otherwise two months is very very soon to be introducing someone new.

Josette77 · 23/12/2021 20:31

Way too soon to be meeting kids, unless everyone is an adult?

Rosewaterblossom · 23/12/2021 20:36

How old are your kids? I presume adult?
I've made the mistake of introducing "him" too soon to kids/family/friends. At the time I thought it was no big deal.
Now I've been seeing someone for 3 months, no one has meet anyone on both sides and its so refreshing to being enjoying each other and getting to know each other before anyone else is involved.

Two months is nothing! Just enjoy each other for now. If it gets to 6 months and he doesn't want to introduce you to anyone then maybe be worried..

Rosewaterblossom · 23/12/2021 20:40

And yes, it's very healthy to still be testing a relationship after just 2 months.

Salayes · 23/12/2021 20:49

8 weeks is not long and he’s already planning to introduce you to people on NYD so not sure why you’re worrying.

supercali77 · 23/12/2021 21:10

I would never introduce kids at 2 months. Noone can ever really be certain, no matter how strong the feelings, whether the other person is truly long term compatible in that time. It took me about 15 months to do it. Admittedly was ready after a year. The best you can do here i reckon js...rather than approach it as 'why haven't you?' Which is accusatory. And basically, dont assume that since you did the other person ought to. Really don't let someone meet your kids until at the very least these kinds of conversations are easy to have like 'what do you think about the timing of the kids meeting us/one another'

supercali77 · 23/12/2021 21:13

Sorry missed the last bit. Rather than approach from a 'why haven't they?' And approach from a 'what do they want?'. Its respectful. If you were 2 years in and you'd both already agreed plans it would be understandable, 2 months and its fast forwarding. Really not fair on the other person to be annoyed they aren't going at the same pace re kids

Pinkbonbon · 23/12/2021 21:14

I'd be more worried at the invite TOO meetvhis family at just 2 months in.

If you had not met any of his friends or family from 6 months on, THEN there would possible be a worry. But at 2 months in...I mean surely you have only been official for a few weeks of that....?

It's a mucky weekend away. You aren't engaged. It's still firmly in 'bit of fun' territory. So unless you think he is still secretly married, there's nothing to worry about.

sunnyzweibrucken · 23/12/2021 21:16

Two months is too soon to be meeting anybody imho

ToxicPoppy · 23/12/2021 21:30

I agree with the majority that 2 months is very early. I’m 5 months into a relationship, have only just told my almost 16yo, and no plans to meet anytime soon. We’re just starting to talk about meeting each other’s friends, although he did meet a couple of mine as they were there when we met. We had a weekend away a couple of months in, and it is a big test as that’s really when you find out how compatible you are, so I totally get that train of thought. There’s a lot to be said for slow and steady.

TheFoundation · 23/12/2021 21:47

This whole dynamic feels unhealthy. You've introduced him to your kids really quickly, you're asking him important questions by text, you don't feel like you trust him... None of this stuff happens in healthy relationships. D'you think you might have over-invested, and very soon?

Why can't you just ask him outright if he's told people about you?

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