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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship breakdown

11 replies

BMC01 · 23/12/2021 15:15

Hi

I’ve been going through a relationship breakdown over the last 6 weeks. I’ve found it very hard to deal with and have struggled most days.

There is a lot to this but basically back in July my partner gave me her engagement ring back for the second time as she accused me of having an affair. I can categorically deny this I’ve been nothing but totally faithful and wouldn’t even consider such a thing.

My question is really should I of given the ring back to her after a second time? My partner said to me that because I didn’t it meant I wasn’t interested in keeping the relationship going but it was so hurtful and such a big statement being made I didn’t know what to do….

Love to know your thoughts?

OP posts:
crestar · 23/12/2021 15:27

You absolutely did the right thing.

The fact that she has twice given you the back previously shows how little value she puts on your relationship - it is also an act of control on her part.

Original poster
BMC01 · 23/12/2021 15:46

Thanks Crestar,

How do you carry on a relationship knowing that this has happened? Should it be down to her to ask for the ring back? We went a couple of months without discussing it.

OP posts:
supercali77 · 23/12/2021 17:00

Shes given you the ring back twice and now since you haven't asked her a third time she's claiming you are the uncertain one because you aren't jumping in blindly again. Take back control. Stand up for yourself. If she wants a relationship with you she cannot keep threatening it. She cannot force an engagement with emotional blackmail.

Original poster
BMC01 · 23/12/2021 17:15

Thanks supercali77

She has now finished the relationship with me with feeble excuses and one of them was about me not giving the engagement ring back. Do you think she should of asked me for the ring back?

OP posts:
VanLife · 23/12/2021 17:22

I think youve had a lucky escape tbh ..

CPL593H · 23/12/2021 17:22

I would stop worrying about the ring and concentrate on moving forward apart, as this relationship doesn't sound the most healthy.

FabulousMrFifty · 23/12/2021 17:32

Sounds like you have had a lucky there, she sounds awful, find yourself a decent woman who is not going to string you along

Original poster
BMC01 · 23/12/2021 18:12

Thanks….so on top of this… I brought up both of her children, we never had kids of our own. Also we both realised we wasn’t having enough special time together due to teenage kids, the pressure of life etc just normal stuff that everyone is going through so I booked three romantic weekends away for us. The first one was great, the second one she just wanted to be on her phone and not do anything at that point I realised someone else must be on the scene… we never made it to the third weekend….

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 23/12/2021 18:21

@VanLife

I think youve had a lucky escape tbh ..
Very much this.

Time to move on OP, put your energies into the future and don’t look back.

Original poster
BMC01 · 23/12/2021 19:25

Thanks everyone for your comments. Now I know I done the right thing…

OP posts:
supercali77 · 23/12/2021 21:18

Op exactly. Lucky escape. If she wanted you to propose she should have brought it up. E.g. 'I realise I gave it back but I'd still like for us to marry' and had the good sense to realise that since she gave it away she wasn't really in a position to be demanding or expecting. Some humility never goes amiss

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