Don't like MIL

[Fififtp]

Does anyone else really not like their mother in law?!

There has been several things in the last 10 years that she has done, but the final straw is not showing an interest in our kids, but constantly sharing pictures of them on social media as if she's involved.

She has not seen them for 2 years but stays a 10 min car ride away.

She post about how proud she is of them and how she loves then but actually knows nothing about them.

She really makes my blood boil and I so want to say something to her, but I know she'll cause a drama. I don't want her to be part of our kids life, she brings nothing, but I don't want her pretending to be.

Its really getting to me. I spose I needed a rant 🙈

I just feel really sad about mine.My mother would welcome people in her home .As a teen i invited my friend in full goth gear over.And my christian mother got her to help with baking .It didn't matter who you were she opened her heart to everyone.

Then i get a friends at a distance mother in law.She never rings or asks me about the children.She occasionally invites my eldest over enjoys time with her which is nice.But never our toddler because shes to excitable.She never comes over ,never comes to birthdays ,i would be inviting her to Sunday lunch once a month but she would never come.She seems nice but shes so cold.I wish my mother was still alive so i wouldn't feel so alone in raising my children.

Op, be grateful for small mercies. My MIL came round every day and did her best to destroy our relationship. In the end, she succeeded.
Value your privacy, autonomy, freedom from spite and daily criticism. It is priceless.

I wouldn’t be above putting on her posts ‘funny that considering you haven’t bothered seeing them in years despite them living down the road. Stop using my children to get attention’.

Yeah put "Aw how lovely, they'd love to see you some time, it's been too long (heart emojis)" 😀

I'm not that fond of mine. She's very selfish, I don't think she has ever thanked me for a single thing, even though I cook for ver lend her things etc regularly.

It really affects my mental health

Have absolutely nothing to do with mine, she cut my dh off years ago, in his early 20s. He was brought up by his grandparents (her parents) until he was 7 he then lived with her a few years before going back to grandparents as he began secondary school.
My dcs don’t even know of her existence. However we all miss his GM and I saw her as another GM.

You have just described my MIL.

It didn't come as a shock to us how she acted, as she's exactly the same to my DP. Posting how much she loves him and cares, but knows literally nothing about him or his interests. Will actively advise him against acting in his own interest if it benefits her. I.e. wanted us to lend her money for some unnecessary shit instead of paying his exam fees for his course so he could qualify and earn over double what he did at the time.

Now she posts about our DS and she's met him a total of 3 times, doesn't ask about his interests etc.

She's all talk and no game.

Yup if my MiL was posting pics of my kids and acting like that I'd be calling her out on her post. No-one gets to use my kids to make themselves feel better or appear to be something they aren't.

@Winniemarysarah

I wouldn’t be above putting on her posts ‘funny that considering you haven’t bothered seeing them in years despite them living down the road. Stop using my children to get attention’.

Please do this

There's something to be said about her not posting images of your children on social media. I'd politely as her to take them down as you can't determine who can see them and want to give them some privacy. Then when she kicks off mention that she's welcome to see her grandchildren at any time. I bet that will shut her up.

‘Awww MIL what a lovely pic, you’ll really have to come over and see them in person one day, it’s only ten minutes you know! Think it’s been two years now since you actually saw them! Amazing how time flies!! Anyway don’t you worry, we’ll keep inviting you and hopefully you’ll find time this year! Lots of love!’

Post this. And keep posting it, every time she deletes your comment.

And when she blocks you, tell her that you’re going to post how sad you are about that on your own page and you hope it’s not because she’s embarrassed about you commenting that she never visits. Etc.

Count your blessings.
You don’t want her actually involved with the kids. And she is not.
It’s a win win.

No one is keeping the score. No one but you cares is she is a real good GM or a pretend one.
Who cares what she puts on FB?
Set your settings such that you don’t see her posts and your life will improve.

Hate mine and the feeling is mutual. After, I would say, 13 years plus of trying to please her and forge a relationship with her I’m done . Final straw was when I arranged a birthday party for my husband and everyone refused to come if she was there . I didn’t know what to do so asked my husband. I said you can have a big party with all your family and friends BUT your mum can’t come or you can have no party and a nice meal out with your mum and stepdad, I also suggested we have a meal with them during the day and then the party at night . She went crazy at this suggestion. I left the decision to him and he chose the party ( he isn’t close to his mum) . It all kicked off and I’m to blame for the party going ahead without her even though my husband told her it was 100% his decision. Now I cut her totally out of my life and it’s bliss. If he wants a relationship then grand but I’m cutting all toxic people out my life

Where is she getting the photos from? Stop sharing them with her or whoever is passing them onto her.

Thanks for all these comments... I have thought sooo many times about replying in similar ways to what's been suggested, but it all goes back to my husband... Its not his fault his mums like this. He does know, but just won't fully admit it. It'll be him that gets te grief from her messaging saying I saying /doing xy&z and I don't want me and him to fall out over her.
With regards to where she gets the pics, she either steals them from my posts or sometimes I know they've came from my husband as they are pics from his phone.
I don't want her as part of our lives and I think going forward the best way is to stop her seeing my posts and me stop seeing hers, without deleting her, which would also be a drama!
I don't need her making me so angry when she has no place in our lives.
Its her that's missing out.

Sounds like my now ex MIL.

She evidently favoured my SIL over my ex.

Our kids were born and she fawned over them... Until SIL kids came along 4 years later. My kids then saw her twice a year while she gave childcare 3 full days a week to SIL. No phone calls between visits unless I initiated them. Even when we did see her, she insisted we could only go down when SIL and family were free, so we could see them too.

Ex never had the balls to challenge her on it. He didn't want to upset her. Didn't matter that she constantly upset him and the kids with her behaviour.

Early in my separation, my friend completed suicide. Within days, MIL sent me an email under the guise of "you must be finding things hard with your friend's death " and used the email as a way to poke at me about the fact her son had cheated on me, tell me to not be vengeful and to stay strong for the kids. And to tell me all the things that she did wrong when she got divorced. At this point her son had been charged twice by police and was choosing to see his kids for 2 hours a week while he was flouncing his new girlfriend on their what's app. But of course, that was not acknowledged at all.

Part of the reason ex is as screwed up as he is is due to the favouritism she showed his sister throughout their childhood.

So glad to be rid. She is a horrid person.