Narc EX. Driving me nutts.

[ZoeSxx]

Some may have read my previous threads a while ago about my terrible relationship coming to an end etc...

After a long tiring painful 6 years I found interactions to another woman a few weeks ago. I got rid of him a few weeks ago & not looked back.

I've been really strong focusing on trying my best to make something of Christmas for 3 children alone at short notice. 2 older girls are mine, my 3 year old boy is mine & his.

He has not contacted to ask about our son once in 3 weeks. On the weekend o saw him driving round my mums street where I was which couldn't be a coincidence he lives in a total different area. He knows nobody around here. It's a quite little housing estate with nothing else. He knew I saw him as I drove past him.

Monday at 11pm I was in bed he messaged me saying "what have you got our son for Christmas" 5 minutes later he was ringing my phone. He knows I'd be in bed & my 3 year older is asleep in my room. I did not answer the message until next day I said "clothes & toys if you want to contribute you have my bank details"

Long story short every night between 10-11pm he sends a question on WhatsApp which I never open until next day. I won't jump.
Such as. What has he got for Xmas?
How much have you spent on him?
Hell even message at 11pm saying what size shoes Is he?

Honestly I know this is the start of the weird cycle. I want nothing to do with this man. To let my son see his way of life & how he treats me would be cruel.

He is messaging like nothing happened.
Messaging/ringing late ...no respect.
He has not asked if he is even welcome round but is clearly buying Xmas gifts.

I feel it's all a mind game. It's awful & horrible. I don't want him turning up at my house around Xmas it will upset the kids. And me. It's already hard this year.
I find him disrespectful.
Not once has he acknowledged or even tried to apologise for the other woman.
What do I do xxxxxxx

You block him on everything except email. You certainly don't answer his phone calls.

It sounds like you have clear ideas about setting boundaries. Just keep doing what you’re already doing.

At the moment all sounds random and ad hoc. You need to set up clear boundaries. See a solicitor first? Find out your legal rights is vital. Then you can create boundaries around visitations / contact with your 3 year old.

PS. Since you have identified him as a “Narc” I’m not sure why are you expecting a genuine apology from him about ‘another woman’, or indeed about anything. That’s not how it works.

It’s very poor that he didn’t ask about your shared child together for 3 entire weeks.
BUT, do you have any real reason not to trust him with your son’s safety when he’s looking after him alone? If you don’t, then maybe it’s time to suggest a contact schedule. Every other weekend maybe? If he’s not got anywhere suitable to have him overnight yet then maybe just every other Saturday to start with? Having set days organized will make your life easier in the long run because you you’ll be able to ignore or limit communication from him in between contact days.

Just stop replying.
If he shows up when he is not welcome then don't answer the door.

There's no reason to reply to anything unless it's about the kid, and even then, only the important stuff.

If he does decide to see the kid, don't spemd any time chatting at handovers. And never allow him into your home or go into his.

Don't waste time trying to set boundaries for him. Set them for yourself and what treatment you will and will not accept. And follow through.

Block him, this would give me the rage/anxiety having him access my phone constantly.

Exactly. I do feel anxiety it's horrid. If I totally block hell turn up.

Yes I have reason not to trust him.
He had him alone once....
he went to Tesco & left my 3 year older by himself in the car it gives me absolute night mares thinking about it. I'm crying now I've typed it. This was on a main road he could not even see his car from the shop.

This is ONE reason why my boy is not going to him. Xx