Do I deserve better even though she said its my loss?

[Usy777]

Me and my gf broke up under 2 months ago. I was glad as it was highly toxic and I was really unhappy, I know it was the right decision but I just want some advice on how to keep myself motivated whilst I'm in the healing process.

I was first with my ex 6 years ago but we broke up after 5 months when I found out she was engaged, i gave her another chance last year which I now regret as I thought she would have changed. When we were together 6 years ago I found out she was engaged to someone else so that's why I broke it off and cut her off.

She ended up getting divorced a year after her marriage, she did admit to having a few relationships afterwards. We got close and had some nice moments but I kept noticing how open she is with other guys and how she'd claim that every other guy was interested in her, she kept pushing me for marriage and kept blaming me for moving too slow just because I didn't want to rush in to marriage.

And when I mentioned that I didn't like how open she is with other guys, she said that she didn't want to be with anyone that's insecure just like her ex husband was (even though she'd already cheated on her ex husband with me which was unknown to me at the time, so he had a reason to feel insecure).

I told her I'm not happy so we agreed to end it, I was confused at first cos she used to tell me that she misses me everyday and after that conversation she ended up blocking me off everything which I thought was childish, this was a month ago and now she seemed to unblocked me but she hasn't got in touch.

I do miss her but I just want to heal and move on cos I know she's not good for me, and to help myself heal I am planning to stay away from relationships for a while and to do this I am planning on putting more focus on to my career (currently IT graduate, planning to advance my career by undertaking more software engineering certificates to enhance my career). I have also joined the gym now as another way to heal and improve mentally & physically and to keep myself busy.

We had an argument a few weeks before the break up in which she said "if we ever break up, it will be your loss". At that moment in time, I actually felt worthless and believed her when she said it would be my loss because I thought I didnt deserve better but now I realise I do and that I rather stay single than to be involved with someone like her.

How do I keep myself motivated in the healing process and knowing that I deserve better?

Focus on yourself. Stay away from her social media! Just stop reading it or checking to see whether you're blocked, unblocked... who cares? She's a liar and a pain and there are billions - literally billions - of other women available. They'll love a successful IT type with a gym-honed body.

Everyone says "it's your loss". It's meaningless.

Be kind to yourself, even though you know something is the right thing to do, it doesn’t stop it hurting. She is a cheat, you would never be able to trust her. It’s her loss.

Oh mate she sounds awful, as PP says concentrate on your career and get toned up, you will easily find someone of much better quality who actually likes you

Hardly your loss. You lost a bitch of a woman, who was probably shagging other guys while with you. She's a tart, leave her to her ways, she will likely end up lonely in old age with only memories to think back on. You can move on, improve yourself in ways you want to, and find someone who is way better than her. She is worthless, ignore her.

Do not check her social media. Its just shopping for stabs. If you have to, block her. I've never cared how 'it looks' to block someone. If its for the sake of your own inner peace, do it. Focus on yourself, not just work but fun stuff.

Please don’t contact this awful woman. You’re worth much more than this. Delete her numbers and move on. No contact is the best form of healing

She sounds quite toxic and self motivated to me.

Ask yourself this; does she cherish me? If the answer is no, no at all, she's not the one.

When you truly love someone and find that person they cherish you. They put you first sometimes to the detriment of themselves. When you both do this in a relationship you have all bases covered.

I love the word cherish, it says more to me than love as the true meaning of the word love has become eroded and commercialised.

Focus on manifesting your own future success, what will it look like and how will you will make it happen.

Most importantly stop revisiting bad energy that will poison your mind and dilute your plans.

Good luck.

Ask yourself this; does she cherish me? If the answer is no, no at all, she's not the one.

When you truly love someone and find that person they cherish you. They put you first sometimes to the detriment of themselves. When you both do this in a relationship you have all bases covered.

@beautifullymad I love this! Never thought about it that way before - beautifully put.

'Knowing you deserve better' contains a reference to her; you are comparing what you think you should have to what she offered you. Stop thinking about it in this way. Take all references to other people out of your frame of reference. Start from the standpoint of 'What would make me feel so worthwhile, that I'd never let anybody bring me down?'

Make a list. Think of all the people you really really respect. Famous people, people you knew growing up, people you know now. Make a list of the things that make you respect them. Write down everything you can think of. Keep thinking about it, always; add new things to the list, as an ongoing project. Once you've got a bit of a list together, pick one or two things from it that you would like to do yourself, and start working towards them. You will be moulding yourself into a person you respect.

It's a long term project, but you can spend time right now starting it. Who do you want to be? Even starting to make a list of possibilities will pick you up and drag you out of the 'Maybe I'm only worth what she offered me?' rut.