Hi all,
So I’ve been with his girlfriend for about four years now, and I really love her and she loves me a lot and I can feel it. A bit of a background with me and my girlfriend is that she lives in a country that I used to live when I moved out study to another country where we kept communications open online. We got together online and I was committed since then to travel to her country and see her for about a couple of months every year. Although difficult we managed to stay together even if we had a couple of years without seeing each other.
However the problem with her is that where she went to college two years ago she met a guy who they became very good friends with. She told me that they were eating, walking together within school alone and this kind of stuff. Despite she is not going to the same college as before where she met him, they still keeping a very good friendship and they talk every single day on messages and on the phone very frequently.
To be honest I didn’t really worry about her and him, until five months ago when she began comparing me and him and telling me how good of a relationship this guy had with his own girlfriend although there now broken up. She was comparing me because I wasn’t talking to my girlfriend a lot on the phone because I was super stressed with my studies and I had so much work with Uni and I always was trying to explain to her that this is the case and not the fact that I don’t love her though I really love her so much. I was pretty down this time with my studies in general about myself and the last thing I wanted to hear was her comparing me with him, how disgusting was that. You can’t imagine how badly and worried this made me feel. This guy and his girlfriend were not in the best situation. They will break up and get back together after a few days when they had an argument. You imagine what this brings to my mind. His girlfriend would even be jealous that this guy was talking to my girlfriend so frequently.
Over the last five months there were many times that I was arguing to her on how much worried I was the fact that she and him were talking every single day, because the fact that she compared me with him makes me think that she was getting jealous of how good of a boyfriend he was and how bad of a boyfriend I was there was a time four months ago when I sent her a very long message apologising to her that I wasn’t talking to her too much and I wasn’t paying too much attention to her and I promised to her that from now on, I will do The best to talk to you every single day and have very frequent calls on the phone so you won’t have to be worried that I may leave you a whatever because I really love you. I also mentioned to her that this is my very first serious relationship lasting for many years and so I made so many mistakes but now that you told me you told me in a very harsh way and although it wasn’t a good way me to understand that way I finally understood and I took your needs seriously.
when she visited me yesterday, I caught her talking to him on the messages and out of my worry, I grabbed her phone and started scrolling her messages with him and while I was doing that she kept resisting as she was trying To grab her phone so I can stop reading her messages. I have to be honest that I didn’t read the messages in details. If you ask me I barely remember anything. However when I briefly read them I saw that she sent him so many photos and videos in the last 4 months period. I saw that she sent him videos of her talking and photos of her lying on the bed other cute photos of her. I counted about eight videos in about 16 or 18 very cute photos of her. she didn’t show any of her private stuff but again the way that she spoke on the videos was very similar to the way the she spoke to me when she would send me a video on the chat. I also saw her sending him quite a good amount of hearts face emojis with hearts like this (❤️🥰😍) also added an extra layer in an extra reason for me to be worried.
We also had an argument yesterday the fact that she wants to see him without anyone else. So it will be him and her only. I told her that I wanna come in and she said no because I’m gonna cause trouble and he’ll be very awkward. My girlfriend really loves her brother and after arguing for about An hour she did say that he will bring her brother not me. The problem is the way she said that her friend will be worried and awkward. The way I took this was like her visiting her boyfriend and me being just a very good friend.
I have tried to explain five times already that the way that she talks to him every single day and the fact that she sent him photos and videos and he does that much less often is crossing the boundaries of a friendship and she never understood that and she actually ignored me although she acted like she understood. Like what had to happen for her to understand? Me taking her phone and see her messages? It doesn’t make sense. I told her that I made mistakes too. I recently sent her the whole conversation that I had with another girl that I like her before we got together and I sent her the conversation that we had with that girl since I got together with my girlfriend. My girlfriend saw that I was sending hearts to that girl and explained her that since you began to worry I stopped talking to the girl that often. Although she told me that she wouldn’t be worried if I had a female friend, I told her that this is not gonna happen because you’re the only one that this is the correct thing. Why should I go with another girl and go out with another girl while you are my girlfriend? Doesn’t make sense right? She defended herself and said that these messages that I was sending him were nothing, I’m not much of a big deal.
I now begin thinking about her and him every single day. What if they go out together behind my back? What if they do something that is not considered as friendly? She’s overly way too friendly with him that she just can’t understand it even if I tell her every single time. I tried telling her in a very calm tone I tried telling her through an argument and she still doesn’t understand.
I really need help and see what I’m gonna do with her. I don’t think I’m overreacting because I know that she would not feel confident if I was in her shoes and she was on my shoes. I have to keep reminding her that we are not in an open relationship and I will not accept an open relationship but we are on a close relationship and se fully agrees. I also have to emphasise that I am her first boyfriend.
What are your thoughts on these guys? What can I tell her so she finally understands my concerns? I’m not trying to be controlling on anything and that’s the last thing I wanna do but I need to get her to understand that the way this is talking to him and the way they exchange messages it’s like her not having a boyfriend. She also told him that she loves me so much and that’s probably why he backed down on sending too many photos and videos as he did 2 years ago, but now she is doing the same thing sending so many photos and videos.
Oh this makes me worried every single day and I need help.
Sorry for the very long thread. Even if you read part of it you’ll make my day.
Thank you in advance and I hope you stay safe and healthy.