Husband doesn’t understand

[Happythoughts123]

My and my husband have been together for 12 years and have an 18month old,

Prior to developing post natal depression our marriage was great. We have always been opposites (he’s logical I’m emotional) but it seemed to work.

Since have my daughter I have been severely depressed. I am no fun. I am sad. I am anxious. I am tearful most days. I imagine I am a nightmare to be married to.

To begin with he was supportive but I can tell that my depressive episodes are wearing thin and although he supports me practically, he cannot relate at all to my despair.

I feel it’s a matter of time before things come to a head. Unless I magically recover or he magically becomes emotionally in tune with my depression.

I feel trapped with someone who doesn’t really understand me and I imagine he feels trapped with someone who is draining.

I don’t know what the point of this post is. Has anyone else struggled with depression and relating to their partner?

I was in your position. My DH is 100% logical and I can be very emotional, more so with anything that relates to my children. I was diagnosed with PND when my son was 5mths and I chose to take antidepressants.

I can honestly say my husband provided no real emotional support, and I don't think 3 years on that he has any clue how hard that time of my life was. He just doesn't "get it" no matter how much I tried to explain how I was feeling.

I had to just accept that it was up to me to deal with, and try to get better, which I did. I stopped the antidepressants after about 7months.

I haven't read all the responses prior to mine but I think you need to do something to try to get better. It's not fair to your family otherwise.

Hi OP
Please do not view taking antidepressants as failing, they are designed to build up your happy hormones. Having a baby is a massive change to your life - I know the fact that I was totally responsible for my babies felt overwhelming (and everything that goes along with that, keeping a house going, perhaps working etc).
I thought like you that I’d rather not go on them (a stupid I’ll conceived misconception that they were for nutters).
It can take a little while for your body to adjust to them - the first couple of weeks I felt a bit out of it - but they suddenly clicked and everything felt balanced. I’ll be honest, I never felt over the moon but then again I never felt low, I just felt balanced and I almost went on a mission to advocate their use. They will really help you. Please give them another go. You’ll need to stay on them for at least 6 months or a year but I felt so balanced I would have stayed on them forever. When you do feel the time is right to stop taking them, please don’t just stop but wean yourself off them (with the advice of your gp).
I wish you all the best. There is help out there, trust the antidepressants, they’ll do their job x

If you suddenly developed high blood pressure or thyroid problems i assume you would have no hesitation in taking medication, how are anti depressents any different, you obviously need them

If you don't take antidepressantas you will not recover. They always make you feel weird but you settle down very quickly.
Seriously if you don't do something your marriage will end!
Don't be me, I didn't take the prescribed antidepressants for 10 years then one day I started hallucinating aliens wondering about in human skin and got sectioned.
I'm on antidepressants nw and feel like a proper alive human being again.

I recently started taking ADs for late diagnosed PND and the difference was noticeable in about five days.

One day, one of the things that was setting me off happened and I just thought, this is fine, I can do this. Then - 'oh! That's new.....!'

I have been difficult to live with really, and I wish I'd sought help months ago. The fog has lifted for me and I feel good and already that I'm being a better mum.

Look after yourself OP

It is such a shame that people see taking AD as failings. Your body is out of whack and there is medication there to help you get in sync, so please take it. If you had diabetes, cholesterol etc, you'd take medication for it.

Anti depressants can work very well. They take the edge off so to speak enough for a person to think and focus. There is no shame in taking them at all. If you were diagnosed with diabetes for example you would take the prescribed medication would you not? So why not take medication that would help your mental health?

You have a great attitude towards this!!
I love that you wanted to get through it on your own but like a PP said, you would take tablets if it was a physical problem.

Focus on yourself and then your marriage and parenting will follow when you are feeling better. DH will also probably be relieved as he is just worried about you which can be stressful.

Don't think of taking these tablets as a step back or a weakness, it's amazing you can recognise the problem and are doing something to help yourself and your family!! Proud of you Hun.

I also had PND after both of my babies were born. I was on medication both times. After my second child was born, I recognised the signs much more quickly, and sought help sooner.

They helped so much! Please don't deny yourself the treatment you need!

I tapered off the dose as I came off them, and had no problems. I've never had to take them again, but I would if I needed to.

Thank you all so much for your understanding, compassionate and kind responses.

It’s funny once you write something down and get the perspectives of others outside the situation it seems so much clearer.

I can see that it is unreasonable of me to expect my husband to meet me on my depressed level.

With all your encouragement I have decided to try medication again. The only experience I have of knowing someone who has used medication is my sister and she had a bit of a rough time.
For those that said medication isn’t failure I do completely agree. I think I’ve been so anxious that I’ve been frozen into doing nothing. All I know of motherhood is finding it hard and I guess I just felt that’s the kind of mother I was. Reading your experiences has given me hope that I can still have a happy marriage and family and I just need to be more accepting of the help.

Thank you x

Good for you!! Onwards and upwards OP, you can get through this difficult time and return to your 'proper' self

"With all your encouragement I have decided to try medication again."

This is great news, OP. This is how you will get better. It really is.

Sometimes we need additional help to get well and this is one of those occasions. Therapy is useful, too, but when your brain chemistry is out of whack, you need chemical solutions to get it back in whack. And with medication you will get well.

I have periodically taken anti-depressants and they have been a god-send. A close relative of mine who is dealing with an ongoing, very challenging family situation related to her partner's health needs, put off taking them. Once she started taking them and had got through the bumpy first few weeks, she felt so much better: like various posters above, her only regret is not taking them sooner. I know a number of other people who are on ADs and very grateful for them.

It will be some time before you need to think about coming off them but so much is known now about how to do that properly - when the time comes, the process will be managed and your use will taper off and you'll be fine.

Onwards and upwards, OP.

So sorry that you're suffering so much Op. But things can and will get better.

I've been your husband. In 2 different r'ships. In one, the other person refused to accept help for their depression. It was very hard to be sympathetic or understanding, when they were refusing treatment which would likely have improved things for both of us. In the other, the other person did all they could to get themselves better - and as a result got on treatment that improved things enourmously. But in the meantime, I really appreciated and respected the fact they were doing all they could to improve things.

If you broke your leg, and refused help in getting it mended, would you expect people to be sympathetic and understanding, while you hobbled around for the next few years being miserable?

I'm so pleased that you've decided to go to your GP and wish you all the very best in getting on some treatment that will help. Anti-depresssents are not something to be frightened of, and get make a huge difference.